Lindsayism.com

No-maste!

Releasing on Netflix tomorrow: Christoga: Christian Yoga

"Actress Janine Turner joins forces with fitness expert Mary Cunningham to create a routine that combines hatha yoga and Christian meditation for a workout that exercises both body and soul. Using biblical Scripture, Turner and Cunningham give Christian names to traditional yoga poses. As you perform Christ Exalted, Mighty Disciple and Salvation Rotation, you'll feel your spirit stretching along with your muscles."

There are too many obvious things to make fun of here (Janine Turner, has it really come to this?) but my main problem is with the name. In making a punny name, you can't just take two words that share nothing in common like "Christian" and "Yoga" and throw them together. Even "Yoga-weh" or "Chi-sus" would be better than "Christoga". Also, the idea of marketing yoga to Christian women who are scared of learning new, non-American words is funny and true.

Ding Dong!

Horrible Hateful Influential Man No Longer Exists Anywhere in Any Form.

every little bit helps...

Via dealspl.us: Free Crossed American Flag Lapel Pin

"I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, thus building a wall of separation between Church and State."

- Thomas Jefferson

I think you know what I'm getting at here...wink wink.

Update: My "subversive" act of patriotism (ordering a pin with the comment "Thomas Jeffrson (sic) wanted this country ruled by Jesus and so do i (sic)!" was foiled by their system not recognizing gmail.)

God Tube Update: Our God Tube is an Awesome God Tube

As Worker pointed out in the comments, God Tube does indeed demand further investigation. He found this awesomeawesomeawesome video:

(Um, Dear God: embedded videos that play automatically are, like, an abomination. Here's the video.)

(Instant update: this has been on regular secular You Tube for a while, says Worker. Still awesome, though!)

Go Broadcast Him

God Tube. Banana is spelled wrong in their tag cloud. I doubt I'll investigate further than that.

(Via the equally, or perhaps more, obsessed, Radosh.)

Happy New Year!

(Click to enlarge. Just in case anyone thought I was exaggerating.)

I've been internet-free for 11 blissful, wonderful, relaxing days. To come: funny links, wild alligator photos, and video from my unlikely Times Square New Years Eve adventure. Happy New Year!

secret languages with god do not bring breasts any faster, fyi

So everyone who preaches that gay people are going to hell is, himself, gay? (Please jesus make James Dobson come out next Zeevahruecinteelahzeevaruecinteelah* praise you lord we praise you make Fred Phelps admit he's an evil hypocrite we praise you we praise you hahahahaha shakalakalah!)

* Trivia! My actual, real, secret language with god that the Holy Spirit gave me I was forced to make up when I was 13. I think it's funny now.

Now for something fun and unrelated: my friend Adam alerted me to this DIY version of Apples to Apples: The Other Foot.

Welcome Office Fans!

Since this is apparently a high-traffic day or whatever, I'd like to draw attention to two awesome things:

1. A movie: The Devil and Daniel Johnston

I sang the praises of TDADJ about a month ago, but I really can't say enough about this funny, heartbreaking, brilliant documentary. Find out all about it here.

2. A book: The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right

Robert Lanham (author of The Hipster Handbook) gives you everything you need to know about the powerful puppeteers brainwashing our most gullible citizens (ie, most of them), in his hilarious satirical guide. His website, Evangelicalright.com is a must-daily-read for me. (When I first found out about Ted Haggard, I knew Robert was somewhere (probably Williamsburg) doing the same dance of joy I was.)

a lifetime's not too long

I was just picking out a Christian birthday e-card for Will Leitch (happy birthday, Will!) because the ironic co-opting of Christian commerce and culture will NEVER GET OLD as far as I'm concerned (I walk the walk with Michael W. Smith's "Friends" as my ringtone) and I saw this one, left, under the "humorous" section and it struck me as oddly inappropriate, considering it's for an audience of people who do believe the end is near and believe it will involve the eternal suffering of billions. But whatever, those crazy Christians, right?

Speaking of "crazy christians", Studio 60: you're on notice. Are we honestly supposed to believe that a middle aged writer for Vanity Fair reads comedy live-blogs of sketch shows? Or that anyone reads live blogs? Or that anyone besides us reads comedy blogs at all? Or that straight grown men in their 40's run around their offices harassing each other about whether or not they're still in love with their ex girlfriends? Also, if you're going to do an entire episode about stealing a joke, how hard would it be to make that joke...somewhat...funny?

The Ultimate Red State Summer Camp Dilemma: Jesus, or Fat?

Coming soon to theaters: Jesus Camp:

I attended an extremely Fundamentalist Christian camp every summer for six years, but even it was not like this. The phrase "spiritual warfare" was bandied about, but in the "let's pray really hard" sense, not the "let's train our children for the coming war" sense. Be very, very afraid. There's really nothing funny about this, actually.

hangin' on the beach of the great salt lake

Wholesome Swimwear: because Mormons need to swim, too!

Also, I just thought of a Mormon pickup line:

"I'm not wearing any special underwear."

nitrous

I'm having my wisdom teeth taken out this afternoon, back Monday with some real content if Blogger allows.

If the devil doesn't like it he can sit on a tack: Arrrr, Christian pirates ahoy! (via Sarah)

that said, camping does rule

this made me die.

(Incidentally, I come from "Crunchy Cons", but I've always called them "Jesus Hippies." I assumed my parents were the only members of both the Sierra Club and the 700 Club out there. Actually, they probably still are. We do agree on one thing: Wal Mart!)

"it's called 'San Miguel', which is Mexican for 'Saint Michael'"

* Comedy Central greenlights David Cross's animated pilot, Freak Show.

* Funny Celebrity Slang.

* And on a scary note, this new Catholic-only town in Florida is of particular interest to me, as my parents (who have been Charismatic Fundamentalists for 30+ years) just announced that they're building a house in a planned Catholic-only development south of Tallahassee. (Journalist trendspotters: go!) It's doubly ironic, since my way of rebelling against them as a teenager was to, no kidding, I swear, attend Catholic youth retreats. But yeah, this should be fun!

* I propose that when

* I propose that when Fred Phelps dies, no matter when, no matter where, we all drop everything and fly to his funeral and protest it. Deal?