Lindsayism.com

Two Halloween Costume Ideas

I had this idea for a Halloween costume a long time ago that I remembered today: Lloyd Dobler holding the boom box but in fake, papier mache arms so you can still walk around with a beer while your papier mache boom box plays "In Your Eyes", and I was Googling to see if this has been done when I stopped because I found this picture, which is funnier than my costume idea could ever be:

"I May As Well Be About to Bash Your Face In With An iPod!"

Also, other costume idea: Dress up as a dog dressed up for Halloween. Like with a dog mask.

But "Throw Momma From the Train" IS a Great Film

REAL QUICK:

* My Kid Nation thing on Vulture.

* Gabe's Kid Nation thing on HuffPo.

* Kid Nation Host Jonathan Karsh's outdated IMDB bio. (He's 2 degrees away from "The View" host "Barbara Wallace!")

* Huge congrats to Claire Zulkey on her BOOK DEAL!!

* TheDailyShow.com launched today with the almost-complete Jon Stewart-hosted archive, all web-2.0'd up. It's a pretty awesome site.

So I Accidentally Dyed My Hair Pink...

Or kind of peach-ish, either way, not at all a color found in nature (and I think I'm at the "colors found in nature" age, if not yet the "natural color" age.) Yesterday my coworker/pal Andrew and I had this exchange:

Andrew, nodding at my hair: "Is that for Halloween?"
Me: "No!! It's my HAIR! It was an accident!"

I was a little testy. Last night I got it back to at least a semi-normal strawberry blond. This is so boring. I just thought Andrew's line was hilarious. What a dick, right!? He has an arty serious pretentious blog about his arty art. Actually, LADIES, he's single and pretty perfect and you should date him. Contact info at his site!

Really Readymade? Really?

Okay, so I love ReadyMade as much as the next person-in-my-demographic, but lately every time I read it I'm like "Come ON! Really??" I really think they might be running out of ideas, because everything seems to fall into one of two categories:

1. "YUPPIE SHELTER MAG BY ANOTHER NAME":
"I found this one-of-a-kind huge contraption from the 1800s at an antique store and paid $400 for it even though neither me nor the store owner knew what it was, and painted it (with $5 worth of paint, here's how!) and now it sits in my huge loft and gets me laid. That's it. That's the story. Look at me!" [Example: This month's not online "old print dryer"; Also RM search feature sucks]

2. "LIKE MY OVEN MITTS? I AM SO LONELY.":
"I spent 21 hours knitting/sewing/whatevering this X out of a bunch of old Ys when I could have just bought one at a 99 cent store and spent the 21 hours cleaning old Ys off the street or volunteering or watching TV." [Example]  [Other Example]

Gabe and Max's Internet Thing

Last night's I Like Attention was hilarious as always. Here's the video Gabe and Max made for it (featuring, among other things, Gabe with a moustache, Patrick Borelli, and Gabe and Jenny.)

Right Brainers "Get It"

This optical illusion purports to tell you whether you're right-brained or left-brained. So far myself and everyone I've sent it to are right-brained (which, according to the article, means we can "get it" (i.e. meaning)" Yes! ) but I'm pretty sure that whole lateralization notion was debunked in the years since we spent an entire wasted year on it in high school English.

Either way, it's more interesting than horoscopes!

(Via The I In We)

Kid Nation: Drunk on Root Beer

My weekly Kid Nation write-up is on NY Mag's Vulture: 'Kid Nation': Root Beer Can't Get You Drunk

Third Time Around

We are living in exciting times:

(Via Fast Hugs - it's explained there for those who didn't get it, which I would say would be 99% of the world and 12% of people seeing it here.)

I've Been Brushing Up on My Web Design Skills Lately...

...and I can't exaggerate the simultaneous glee and cringe-iness I feel when I look at the first version of this site using the wayback machine:

Lindsayism.com Colorful and Daily (circa 2003)

I mean, just look at that monstrosity. So busy! So disorganized! From the headache-inducing colors to the over-filtered photos to the font, if there was a design rule, I broke it. I just want to muss my 2003 (awful) hair when I look at that site. I worked really hard on it, too!

Max Silvestri: The Interview, The Awesome T Shirt

My friend Max Silvestri did an interview with Gridskipper about his favorite NYC places to consume things. Today, they have a map of those places.

A good place to see Max perform comedy would be at his monthly show, "I Like Attention", the next of which is this Sunday, October 14 at 8pm. His co-host this month is none other than Gabe Delahaye. I can't wait!

Incidentally, I'm 99% sure that Max's tshirt in the (above) Gridskipper picture is an illustration from a 70's-era "Where do Babies Come From?" book I checked out from the library when I was in elementary school. (In retrospect, I checked out that entire section. I guess I probably wasn't fooling anyone, huh?)

Best Kid Nation Yet!

Last night's Kid Nation won me over into true fanship of the show. In my Vulture write-up today, I wrote profiles/superlatives of the standout kids:

Kid Nation: Who Should Drink the Bleach?

Edited out: my "real life job" choices for each kid, which were:

Jared: Journalist/pundit
Taylor: President Bush
Greg: Functional Alcoholic Plumber
Mallory: Stay-at-home Mom
Blaine: Turtle
Colton: Failed Football Player

Jon Friedman is Hilarious: The Wonder Years

Jon Friedman, on The Wonder Years:

(Via The Apiary)

Teen Steam

Some silly little ideas from my notebook. There's a video at the end:

Why do smoke detectors cost money? It would make more sense if they were free.

What did humans call the sperm whale before the microscope was invented?

I would like to read a series of interviews with two people who openly dislike each other. Not famous people, random people. Also, an interview with a couple in a fight (the sillier the fight, the better.)

I would like to write a travel piece where I travel to different cities and watch the local news in each city and compare.

There should be a gym that offers old school celebrity workout tape classes -- Jane Fonda projected onto a wall, Alyssa Milano's Teen Steam, etc. This gym would be located in Williamsburg, Brooklyn:

Apropos of Nothing

My commercial-break review of Spade sitcom 'The Rules of Engagement': "I'm trying to figure out the oldest season of 'Friends' that was still funnier than this and I'm all the way back to '95."

But How I Met Your Mother is still great (and on tonight!)

John Green Drinks a Happy Meal for His Friend

The Wall Street Journal covers my friend John Green's adventures raising money online for his friend Daniel Biss's congressional run. (There's video of John drinking a blended Happy Meal. It's a funny article about online political fundraising.)

Kid Nation: Fresh Meat

I wrote about this week's Kid Nation again for NY Mag's The Vulture: Kid Nation: Fresh Meat

I can't believe they left in my description of Greg. Awesome.

The Funniest Thing On the Internet: The Onion Sunday Magazine

I completely forgot about The Onion magazine/Weekender until today. Lucky me! I got to go through the archive and look at them all at once. Some of them are parodies of Parade, and some of them are parodies of the NYT Mag, and they're all brilliant. Go look!

Me and Steph Were Just Talking About Piggly Wigglies

And it was discovered that:

1. Piggly Wiggly still exists.

2. Piggly Wiggly is not, as I stated 20 seconds prior to Googling, "only in the South", but all of the Florida locations are within 50 miles of Tallahassee.

3. Piggly Wiggly sells fake-vintage Urban Outfitters "ironic" hipster tshirts.

4. There is also still at least one unrelated, competing store called "Hoggly Woggly" in Tallahassee. As a kid I always wondered if they were linked. Nope!

And that's your white trash update for the day.

Facebook Etiquette and Defending Dane Cook

* Via Lifehacker: Social Networking Invitation Etiquette. It is very polite to include with your invite a reason (any reason) why you're inviting the person.

* My friend Brian forced me to defend Good Luck Chuck. Sort of.

* OMG, Joe D. from The Pickup Artist (finale tonight!) totally commented on Max Silvestri and Joe Mande's PUA parody. Awesome.

Things to Consume if You Like Funny Things

On TV tonight: the season premiere of How I Met Your Mother

Out on DVD tomorrow:

* The TV Set (Hilarious satire of the entertainment industry)

* Knocked Up (Duh)

* Single Blog (Looks unintentionally funny)

On CD tomorrow:

* Michael Ian Black: I Am a Wonderful Man

Mayor Jerry Sanders is a Hero

Republican Mayor Jerry Sanders' emotional speech about why he's changed his mind about gay marriage will bring tears to your eyes.

See Into the Wild This Weekend!

87% on Rotten Tomatoes

I loved it, but I've been waiting 9 years for someone to make a movie out of the book I've read at least 20 times (and to which the movie is very faithful.) It would be awesome if this movie/book caught on with a new generation. Yes, it's a cautionary tale, but since almost everyone in the developed world needs to learn the opposite lesson, it's also an inspiring one. It's definitely the kind of movie people will be talking about and debating for hours after they see it.

Here's the trailer.

Kid Nation: Color Days

I'm writing about Kid Nation for NY Mag's The Vulture: Kid Nation: 1 Down, 39 to Go

Totally related: This American Life's classic show about summer camp culture. Particularly applicable, the last segment, "Color Days". Also, it's been bothering me for like 10 years so I'm just going to say it: that kid they interviewed in the beginning DID NOT invent saying "woo" during the birthday song. We did that at my camp in 1989. I'm just saying. That kid is lying.

Also, Gabe liveblogged Kid Nation for Huffpo. I never read liveblogs, but this one is good. This show really lends itself to that format.

Also (slight spoiler alert) I have a witness who will, if called to the stand, testify that when the kids were offered a choice of rewards, I said "Another outhouse or a TV!" (It turned out to be another 7 outhouses or a TV.)

Facebook Gifts Are Made In Sweatshops!!

Okay, first, and this is weird, I'm kind of into Facebook. Not the applications or anything, just for keeping track of my friends. Anyway, I am obsessed with Facebook gifts and nobody in my life cares but I have a blog, so I'm going to talk about it here.

Everyone knows Facebook gifts are stupid (for the non-facebookers: they're tiny jpg images that cost a dollar each to give), but yesterday's was a camera. A CAMERA!!! (it looked very similar to this):

I can almost understand a teddy bear or a martini glass (but not really), but a CAMERA? A camera is a tool. You may as well give someone a picture of a pencil sharpener.

I was going off about the stupidity of Facebook gifts to Gabe a few weeks ago and he mentioned his fascination with "the false economy of facebook gifts" -- like, you know how only a certain number are "available"? Even though that doesn't make sense? So that gave me an idea for a Facebook group: Facebook Gifts Are Made In Sweatshops!!! (Yes, I'm the only member.)

Pretty Much All You Need to Know

Until today, I thought "Chamillionaire" was a parody hip-hop artist name invented by the writing staff of "30 Rock."

You know, that episode where they're dancing in the writer's room and Jack catches them? Yeah. I'm like a dream-juror in a high profile case against anyone involved in pop music.

Edited for Length

I have one thing to say to Gabe about this very selective selection of an IM:

(That's going to be my go-to nostalgic namecalling image from now on, btw.)

"you're a disgrace to the name Lindsay"

This is my favorite mean comment ever. (Just came in on a post from a few weeks ago.) Usually people have to come here more than once before they tell me to "die already."

On Quirk

Michael Hirschorn doesn't like "quirk". He has some good points (Napoleon Dynamite, Garden State, and You and Me and Everyone We Know tried too hard to be quirky and ended up annoying, but it's still good that they were made) but from what I can gather, he just doesn't like things that are too subtle for stupid people to get and that don't make a ton of money. (This American Life, Flight of the Conchords, Arrested Development, Wes Anderson movies other than Rushmore.) As if intelligent, subtle humor wasn't already in enough jeopardy, let's kick it some more! It's not like what he calls "quirk" is taking over our culture at a time with the best show on TV (the extremely quirky "30 Rock") is in danger of cancellation while exploitative reality shows and  "Two and a Half Men" thrive.

A plea to Mr. Hirschorn: thanks for giving the world Celebrity Fit Club and I Love New York, and celebreality shows in general. But can you leave the already-depressed people who work their asses off to entertain those of us with higher standards alone? We're already hard enough to please, and they're already hearing a constant refrain of "dumb it down, dumb it down, only a few people will get this". Some of us happen to prefer things that only a few people get. Sometimes those things are the only things that make us believe pop culture has anything to offer us. What you call "quirk", we call "originality", and while there will probably never be a huge market for it, we need more of it, not less.

The Mystery LOVELASH Begins

Last week while watching The Pickup Artist with Stephanie, we had this conversation during the commercial break:

Stephanie: Would you make out with Mystery?
Me: No way!! Oh my god you would! YOU LOVE HIM!
Stephanie: No, but I can see there being a slight possibility that I could make out with him.
Me: Well, I guess if I was 23...
Stephanie: Exactly. And in a different city from where we live.
Me: Yeah, like some sort of conference...
Stephanie: With free drinks.
Me: You LOVE him.
Stephanie: Shut up.

Well, Stephanie isn't the only woman who would invite a kiss-close with the Man in the Stupid Hat - Gawker's Stalkerette does too: True Confessions: I Love Mystery:

"Also, meeting the family won't be a problem because they probably already know each other from the time when his grandparents stole my grandparents' art and then enslaved them in concentration camps. Plus, he's a Libra and I'm a Taurus. Zing."

Hilarious - it's the exact opposite of a backlash...and seems like the exact marketing plan Mystery would devise in accordance with his teachings. Hmmmm. Maybe he's just been getting us to let our guards down this whole time!

Related: Max Silvestri and Joe Mande try out to be Mystery's new wingmen.

Everything That Can Be Said About Britney Has Been Said

So here's part of my IM conversation with Stephanie:

lindsay: fame is a conveyor belt that is impossible to get off.
steph: thank you, sage.

I think the best analysis of this situation can be found on Defamer. 

Marketing to Misophobics

So, as a (mild) Obsessive Compulsive (or as I like to think of it, "Person whose hands are usually clean"), one might think I'd be into this product:

Sample
Each sealed packet contains:

• 1 Hard Surface Disinfectant Towelette
• 1 Standard Paper Toilet Seat Cover
• 1 Personal Wipe Towelette
• 1 Hand Disinfectant Towelette
• 3 Facial Quality 2 Ply Tissues

But I look at that and I say "Amateurs!" Anyone who is truly committed to/neurotic about protecting ourselves from the ridiculous number of people who apparently crap on their hands and then touch everything (seriously: who ARE these people?), has not allowed any part of our bodies to touch any part of a public bathroom in years. I do carry Purell though, but as a comfort, the way the astronauts carried cyanide pills. I rarely have to use it.

Slightly Related: In researching this dumb blog post I learned something new: it is possible to be a feces donor.  NAST!! 

Luna Covers "Straight Up" by Paula Abdul

Luna Needs to Talk About Where This Is Going over on Vulture.

drummer in the mist

Having a stressful day? Watch this:

If there were a taxonomy of viral video (or internet memes in general and I don't mean those questionaires on MySpace), this would have the "palate cleanser" designation. It's successful - and viral - partly because it changes the subject entirely. (See also: cute overload.)

(Link via my colleague Chris Principe)

(One of my friends just told me this post was "very un-(me)" to which I say "I have many facets!!" and also "'colleague' was jokey fake businessy language for 'coworker, obvs'".)

Ritalin Readings Podcast: August

Gabe has put up the podcast of last week's Ritalin Reading. (The AC was broken at Mo's so we referred to that a lot.) Readers were:

Ellie Kemper (McSweeney’s, Channel 102)
Rich Juzwiak (aka Rich Fourfour)
Jon Friedman (Rejection Show)
Colin Jost (SNL Writer)
Laurie Kilmartin (Best Week Ever, Tough Crowd, Jimmy Kimmel)
Gabe and Jenny (At Night with Gabe and Jenny)

2 Things

* I enjoyed Fourfour's treatise on the db-ery of one Mr. Justin Timberlake. (Telling people to light their lighters and take out their phones before your song? Get over yourself JT!)

* This site is cool and also made me feel like I earned some cred with my artier friends when I sent them the link: Bent Objects (introduced to me by Dean at surprisinger.com)

Off the Top of My RSS Reader...

* And this holiday's Holiday Celebrity Breakup Announcement Is: Heath and Michelle. The "if they can't make it" joke doesn't work anymore even as a joke. Long relationships are for the nonfamous (or "fame-free") And don't give me Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. It's a different age. And don't give me no it's not. It is.

* Out on DVD this week:

30 Rock Season 1. I'm having trouble even talking to people who don't watch 30 Rock! Get a TV, seriously.

The Black Donnellys: The Complete Series. Well, that's one way of putting it.

"Thanks But No Thanks 1994 Courtney Love"

Season 3 of How I Met Your Mother, a show I have been giving the Entertainment Weekly Pop Culture Guilt Trip ("Please watch it America!!") about for years now, premieres September 24. And here's a really funny clip from the premiere, starring Mandy Moore. I'm dying to quote the best line but I won't ruin it. You will know which line it is. It's when she says that word they never say on TV.

(Thanks, Jen!)

"The Circle City" Will Soon Encircle Me

I'm going to Vonnegut's birthplace this weekend to visit John and Sarah Green. One of my friends who doesn't know them asked me why I would choose to spend Labor Day weekend in Indianapolis and I said "Because John and Sarah Green are THAT AWESOME." (I guess any attempt at a "no offense, Indianapolis" would sound hollow. I have never been there, and I have heard it sucks. Prove everyone wrong this weekend, "Naptown"! )
Also, John and his brother Hank are really super-famous now for their Brotherhood 2.0 project and have a worldwide following of people of all ages, races, and ethnicities called "nerdfighters" who sent John hundreds of videos for his birthday, and also there is a charitable foundation involved: Swear to god.  Somebody should write about this phenomenon for The New York Times or another high-circulation national media outlet.

I will report on my awesome Two Day Indianapolis Adventure when I get back, possibly.

The Things I Googled

* Wow! It's really not just me. Anyone want to buy a lot of Zyrtec that I ordered from Canada before trying it?

*  "The next thing I knew, under the bathroom divider comes a card that says 'Police."
Omg how funny would it be to make those and prank people?

* I refuse to believe that this procedure exists.

* My Most Recent Bad Reality Show Idea: "Copse", about the lives and loves of a group of trees. Yeah.

* The most interesting thing I've read all week: The Dango Suffix is a Cranberry Morpheme. Seriously. Click on that. It's not a Rick Astley video.

This Post Intentionally Left Self-Absorbed: Hannah Takes the Stairs

So last night me and my friend Stephanie watched Hannah Takes the Stairs on Movies OnDemand (did you know that it's on MOD for $5.95 and has been since the day it came out in theaters?) It's impossible to say whether I would have enjoyed the movie as much if I'd paid $11 for it and had to watch it in a theater without the luxuries of wine and a pause button (ETC), but we were both thoroughly entertained and talked about the movie for a while after it was over. OBSERVATIONS:

Richard Jewell Has Died and It Is Very Sad

Poor guy. You know who probably killed him? Richard Jewell!!

(Sorry Adam, I Have To!)

"We have the means and the will. The event continues on schedule, and the Man will burn on Saturday night," said Andie Grace, a festival spokeswoman.

Dear Burning Man Festival Spokesperson Andie Grace,

You're talking to normal people in the normal, non-fake-post-apocalyptic world now. Please stop giving us the means and the will to laugh at you even more than we were already.

Sincerely,
A Normal Person in the Normal Real World

You Know That Commercial Where the Dude Reaches "The End of the Internet"?

Well this is that: This to That (Glue Advice)

Say Cheese!

Rachel Sklar + Unfortunate Lower Third = Hilarity:

(Source: Rachel's Facebook photo)

Tomorrow Night's Ritalin Reading Lineup: Awesome

Rich Juzwiak (aka Rich Fourfour)
Laurie Kilmartin (Best Week Ever, Tough Crowd, Jimmy Kimmel)
Gabe and Jenny (At Night with Gabe and Jenny)
Ellie Kemper (McSweeney's, Channel 102)
Colin Jost (SNL Writer)

 

Info here (link fixed)

girls gone wild williamsburg

I have nothing today. So: me and Stiff at Union Pool, summer of 2002 (one of these frames is not like the others!)

Flower versus LC? No Contest. Meerkat Wins.

* A very cool Vulture post about how every movie trailer is using the theme from "Brazil" lately (with video). Awesome catch! Sort of on topic: I have a huge pet peeve with copycat "American Beauty" music (and in some cases, the original score) being used CONSTANTLY everywhere from commercials to TV shows to 48 Hours Mystery. It's been 9 years since that movie came out - don't we have another way of evoking the sinister element that lurks behind the tranquility of suburbia by now? It's just lazy. Even the Little Children score was similar (and I loved that movie.)

* Claire Zulkey is quoted in this AP story about hardcover books versus paperback. I hate lugging a hardcover around and wish every book came out in both versions (it seems from the article that they soon will, though.)

* I know I'm years late on this, but I am suddenly and completely addicted to Meerkat Manor. The anthropomorphism makes me giggle (the Meerkats are presented as "hoping", "dreaming", "remembering", "realizing", etc) but I still fall for it. Best celebreality show on TV! (And when you think about it, the Meerkats are as or more capable of complex reasoning and self-awareness as those girls on The Hills.)

* Twitter at the VMAs: I am thinking: the amount of time between 'nerd-buzz' and 'MTV sellout' is getting closer and closer to a literal 15 minutes. 

New York Is So Cool Ringtone

Remember that song "New York is So Cool" from a few years ago? I was making ringtones this weekend after finding this site (for making ringtones) and this site (for uploading them to my phone) and I used it as my tester. I liked it enough to use it as my text ringtone and I thought I may as well share it:

Download nyissocoolringtone.mp3 (right click/save as)

Next up when I get time: Mountain Goats, NMH and Peter Bjorn and John.

Recommended: Just An Evening? with Michelle Collins

Tomorrow night: Just an Evening? with Michelle Collins and guests:

John Mulaney from Best Week Ever
Gabe Liedman, Super Deluxe man about town
Katina Corrao, funny lady New York supreme
Alex Blagg, bestweekever.tv bloggerman


Rififi
332 E. 11th St. btwn 1st and 2nd Ave
Tuesday, August 21 @ 10 PM

I saw Michelle last week and she KILLED! Also, the guests!? This will be an awesome show.

She's having another one next Tuesday at 10.

No-maste!

Releasing on Netflix tomorrow: Christoga: Christian Yoga

"Actress Janine Turner joins forces with fitness expert Mary Cunningham to create a routine that combines hatha yoga and Christian meditation for a workout that exercises both body and soul. Using biblical Scripture, Turner and Cunningham give Christian names to traditional yoga poses. As you perform Christ Exalted, Mighty Disciple and Salvation Rotation, you'll feel your spirit stretching along with your muscles."

There are too many obvious things to make fun of here (Janine Turner, has it really come to this?) but my main problem is with the name. In making a punny name, you can't just take two words that share nothing in common like "Christian" and "Yoga" and throw them together. Even "Yoga-weh" or "Chi-sus" would be better than "Christoga". Also, the idea of marketing yoga to Christian women who are scared of learning new, non-American words is funny and true.