Lindsayism.com

Communal Tooth Brushing in Chapel Hill

My favorite photo from Road Trip '07:

Shaw, me, Stephanie.

The Best Blogs of 2007 That You (Maybe) Aren't Reading

I would argue that some of these are more "relevant" than "best", but Rex's list is excellent again this year: The Best Blogs of 2007 That You (Maybe) Aren't Reading. I'll be adding several of those to my already-overloaded RSS! (Also, yay to Jezebel, Vulture, Fourfour, more)

(Have a safe and happy holiday break, everyone!)

Thank You for the Music!

Thank you to everyone who sent along songs for my road trip: we're good to go! (I'm in "how am I going to do everything I have to do before I leave town" mode now.) Thank you thank you thank you!

When You Absolutely Must Have it in Full, Glorious Color

(Overheard in my office just now):

Co-worker: Is the color printer broken?
Me: Yeah, it's been broken for like, a week.
Co-worker: Why didn't you tell anyone?
Me: Uhh, because the thing I was trying to print was a map of all the Cracker Barrels between New York and Florida?
Co-worker: Gotcha.

(Speaking of, thank you to everyone who has sent songs and mixes for my road trip so far!)

If You Read Just One Attempt at Jamie-Lynn Humor...

Make it this successful one: Yup Magazine.

Give Me Music for My Insane Road Trip!

This Friday, my friends Stephanie, Shaw and I are driving over 1000 miles down to Georgia and Florida for Christmas. Everyone knows iTrips don't work, so we have to burn cd mixes for our trip. If you're compelled by the kindness of your heart to yousendit us some road trip songs (The perfect road trip song is familiar, fun, and nostalgic - I got the idea for this experiment in shameless begging when I realized I don't have "Freedom 90" by George Michael on CD, if that gives you any indication of what I'm talking about here.) My email address is lindsayATlindsayism.com. Send me your favorite road trip songs! Yay! Happy Holidays!

30 Rock's Internet Nerd Easter Eggs

First Liz Lemon does a spot-on impression of the grape-stomping lady, then a bunch of other stuff I don't remember, and, last week, this line was uttered: "It wouldn't be a lemon party without old Dick!" Thank you, 30 Rock. We notice. (Golden Fiddle has a longer, better post about this.)

Talk About the Long Tail!!

Out on DVD today: Reach Out to Natural Horsemanship: Uncovering the Art of Long Lining (2007)

(Yes, groan.) I don't think they're gonna need the (2007)

I Just Referenced Scheherezade in a Conversation

And was told that I only have three references: Scheherezade, Rashomon, and Icarus.

Which is not true, because I also apply Occam's Razor to everything, so I have four.

More Than This

* Via Jezebel: Thanks to the wonders of online video, we now know what Bill Murray whispered to Scarlett J in Lost in Translation. (I really wish it had been "rosebud is a sled.")

* I tried to comment on this Has David Cross Sold Out thread on The Onion, but it wasn't working and then I remembered I have a platform: everyone begrudging David Cross a regular income should state where they work and which multinational or otherwise evil corporation signs their paychecks. It's a kid's movie. DC still does free and benefit shows all the time, and work like this presumably allows him to do that stuff and develop more funny entertainment for the nice people. Deal with it. (Note: I know the actual post wasn't saying he sold out, the stupid commenters were.)

Kid Nation Finale: Thus Ends the Cute Overload

Kid Nation is over! Here's my final analysis. (Warning: mushy!)

Also Kid Nation related: this is funny.

Update:

Max Silvestri: Sophia got the most money, right?
Me: Yeah, 70k
Max Silvestri: She earned it.
Max Silvestri: That'll be a nice nest egg for when we marry.

(And SUPER DORKY ME right now: Sophia Wise, if you're googling yourself and you see this, you're awesome! Never change. Now, don't read the rest of this site until you're at least 18.)

Game: What is the Most Out of Fashion Thing That Still Cannot Be Worn Ironically?

If someone tries to play this game that I just made up with you, use this answer that I just thought of and you will win:

A French braid.

(Runner up answer: Obsession.)

Whitney from The Hills to Make Puzzling Publicity Appearance

Yah, I toah-tally got this spam from Clinique just now:

"Meet Whitney Port! December 14 from 1-2 pm on the third floor of Bloomingdales 59th Street. When you purchase Clinique Happy 3.4 ounce, make it a special customized gift by adding a picture of you and reality tv star Whitney Port!"

As tempted as I am to make "special customized gifts" of sure-to-be-treasured pictures of myself with Whitney for all of my friends, Clinique Happy smells like a forgotten orange left over the weekend in a second grader's lunch box.

Kid Nation Finale Tonight!

The kids will get a "hear wrenching surprise" in the season finale of Kid Nation tonight. I'll be writing about it tomorrow on Vulture.

Round Up of Some Good Media to Consume

I'm apparently too busy consuming media to blog about it, but here is some media I've consumed recently, most of it good. (I don't get anything for this.):

Good Books:

Foreskin's Lament by Shalom Auslander

The Kept Man by Jami Attenberg

The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta

Good Movies:

No End in Sight

Juno (I went in expecting to hate it - it had some annoying tics and was kind of twee, but I think it's theater-worthy.)

The Savages (But it's not really a comedy)

Bad, Bad, Very Bad Movie:

Margot at the Wedding (you're still going to see it, you'll just wish you didn't)

The Singles/Reality Bites Inverse Holding Up Relationship

Last night me and Stephanie watched Singles. Has anyone ever noticed that as time goes by, Singles gets better and Reality Bites gets worse?

Update: Also, if you're exactly our age, remember when you had to have a crush on either Kurt Cobain or Eddie Vedder? We were both Vedder girls all the way.

The Dumbest Thing I've Ever Heard

(In comments) "Satire should be obvious."

Ritalin Readings is Tomorrow

With a really especially awesome lineup:

Elna Baker
Patrick Borelli
Lang Fisher
Will Leitch
Sean O'Connor
Jon  Friedman

Ritalin Readings is hosted by me and Gabe Delahaye and produced by Jon Friedman. Details:

Wednesday, December 5
8pm
The Slipper Room
Stanton and Ludlow
$5

Cute Animals Strike in Solidarity with Writers

I'm a little strike-video'd-out but this one by Frank Lesser and other Colbert folks is actually good (with great cameos!):

Win a Galley of "The Kept Man" by Jami Attenberg

My friend Jami's first novel, The Kept Man, comes out December 27th, and her publisher is having a contest: you just print out a poster, post it somewhere, take a picture, and send it to Jami. Info here. I think everyone wins a galley while supplies last, and while I haven't read the book yet, I have heard from an EXTREMELY hard to please blogger friend who doesn't know Jami that it's "really good."

Kid Nation: In Defense of Taylor

This week's Kid Nation recap on NY Mag's Vulture.

Also, my friend Gabe's recap on 236.

Gabe just pointed out that we both wrote about Hunter's kitchen being nice!

Sloane Crosley Really Is That Great

But if I didn't know that for a fact, I might hate her a little after this (but don't! even her quotes came out self-deprecating. which is insane considering the medium):

The Most Popular Publicist In New York

Friend: "Are you jealous? Are you jealous?"
Me: "No way! She has to be a publicist!"

Sloane's very funny book of essays, I Was Told There'd Be Cake, comes out in April. (And look, even Gawker can't really find anything actually mean to say about her!)

Ritalin Readings is Next Wednesday, December 5

It's the one night a month I have to go out. Luckily, these writers and comedians will make it all worth it:

Elna Baker
Patrick Borelli
Lang Fisher
Will Leitch
Sean O'Connor
Jon  Friedman

Ritalin Readings is hosted by me and Gabe Delahaye and produced by Jon Friedman. Details:

Wednesday, December 5
8pm
The Slipper Room
Stanton and Ludlow
$5

Writers on Writing

My friend John Green who is a real writer posted a video (partly) containing his writing advice, and I had to make sure he wasn't going to say the thing I hate that writers always say:

lindsay: Before I watch your writing advice video, are you going to say something about how writers write because they can't do anything else well, because I hate that.
lindsay: I'll still love you just as much, but I hate that.
lindsay: as if strawberry pickers pick strawberries because it's what they do well.
lindsay: I guess I'll just watch it and see
lindsay: I almost went to Camp Eagle's Nest!
John: no, that's stupid. I say that the key to writing is "more elf"
John: Did you really? I wish you had gone because maybe you would have known tiffany!
lindsay: yeah, but my parents saw the brochure and it said that children were encouraged to commune with the fairies and sprites of the forest around the camp and they thought that was satanic so I went to (ultra-Christian camp) The Vineyard.
John: yeah that's true
John: we spent a lot of time with the fairies.
lindsay: your writing advice is very good
John: well it's better than "try everything else first"
John: how stupid is that?
lindsay: I know!! that's Lorrie Moore. And I love her, but.. it's so pretentious. Usually though, it's ONLY BAD WRITERS who say it.
John: Like, "Go mine coal And if you're not good at that, then you should write books."
lindsay: like "I'm special, this is all I can do, I can't wait tables"
John: F**k that. Writing is the FIRST thing you should try
lindsay: YES!!
John: It's so easy!
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: I want to put up this conversation
lindsay: let's say more witty things
John: I think you should end it with "let's say more witty things"

DONE. Anyway, if you ever hear anyone say that they write because it's "all they can do", smack that person in the head with a busboy tray full of dirty dishes and wet used food. Thank you.

What We Talk About When We Can't Talk About Anything

I wrote this for Jezebel.com: 5 Easy Steps to Civil Holiday Conversation (Even if You're in a Red State!)

This year it's all about the disappearing bees, people. Read up!

Purple Winslet

* My friend Rex Sorgatz of Fimoculous is guest-co-editing Gawker this week. (Also, welcome to New York, Rex!)

* This correction was pretty much the most interesting thing in yesterday's NY Times.

* Virginia Heffernan calls the Bachelor out on lying (sort of) to Jimmy Kimmel about finding love on the show.

* I got my Golden Fiddle tshirt last week and have worn it pretty much constantly ever since.

Bachelor Consipiracy Theories

I know, I'm the only person who still watches The Bachelor besides the friends I force to watch The Bachelor, but (spoiler alert!) on last night's finale, Bachelor Brad chose neither chick!! Presumably, it will all be explained tonight on ABC's "After the Final Rose" special, but if you're bored, the message board conspiracy theories are amusing (and range from "his pregnant ex came back into his life" to "he ran off with Sandra Bullock.")

Kill the Drone!!

Remember when this clip from The Wicker Man (2006) was circulating?:

I came down with a hurt back last week (hence no Kid Nation recap) and I couldn't resist watching the movie everyone calls an unintentional comedy classic on HBO. There was no need - everything you need to see is in the youtube clip (and in the last 20 minutes.) One thing, though: from now on when someone asks a question to which the answer is an obvious "yes", I'm going to answer: "Does Neil LaBute hate women?"

Tonight: What's My Line? Live

Tonight I'm going to be a panelist on the monthly live game show What's My Line? Live at Parkside Lounge. All the information is here. It's always a fun show!

Cliche Number Whatever: Blogging About the Subway

This morning I forgot to bring reading or listening material on the subway, so, desperate for any sort of media to consume, I glanced at a weathered copy of the Daily News at my feet. I was moving the page with my shoe to see the rest of a visible article, when the middle-aged mentally challenged woman next to me started screaming and gesticulating toward the paper. "No! No!! STINKY STINKY STINKY NO! Don't pick it up!" and making these glub-glub sounds that made no sense in any language. I quickly turned myself away from her but she wouldn't shut up. It was embarrassing not just that she was drawing attention to me, but because she was calling me out on reading a newspaper that, being on the floor of the subway, was clearly in the "feces-covered trash" category. I was reading literal garbage, and I was disgusting.

As I huddled into my coat, trying to pretend I wasn't a part of this drama, I noticed two separate women look up from their two separate copies of "Eat, Pray, Love" and purse their four separate lips in silent judgment.

I fucking hate that book.

How to Get Over a Cold Really Fast by Pushing Sleep

(Update: this blog post was a bad idea. I'm now really sick! I tempted the gods.)

(Note: I am not a medical professional and this is just a joke or something.)

How to Get Over a Cold Really Fast By Artificially Forcing Sleep

The first day you feel the cold coming on, take the day off. (Better to take a full day off work now, than come in sick for two weeks and make your co-workers sick.)

Take a shower and put clean sheets on the bed.

Drink a lot of water and use some Zicam if you have it.

Turn off your phone and go to sleep for as long as you can.

When you wake up, drink some more water and then immediately take an Ambien (or Tylenol PM) even though it's daytime and it feels so wrong to do so.

Try to sleep for as long as possible. Sleep past the point of comfort. Sleep until nightmares occur. Sleep until you can't possibly sleep any more.

Go to bed at the normal time.

Wake up without a cold.

This has worked for me three times!

There is So Much Love in Bonanza City

Kid Nation: still awesome!: Vulture: Bonanza City's Paris and Nicole

I can't say this enough: this show is great because the kids are great. My friend Brian saw top-five fave kid Jared with his family in Times Square the other night!

Gabe's Kid Nation Live-blog on The Huffington Post: Kids Imitate Art.

If You Buy Just One T-Shirt This Year

Make it a limited-edition brand-new GOLDEN FIDDLE T-SHIRT!!

I got the one from a few years ago and I wore it like every day. As you can see from the photos of the hot girls, the shirts are very asset-enhancing. And that's the last time I'm ever going to say anything like that. Get one!

Because I'm the Only Person Still Watching 'The Bachelor'

There should be a Bachelor house band called "The Right Reasons."

"See I Told You North Florida Is the South" Part 378

Wesley Snipes commissioned a study of Ocala registered voters and learned that they are racist. Unsurprising but still sucky. (No word on their feelings on famous movie stars or tax evasion.)

Techy

* Friendster: 'We're actually doing quite well, suckers!'

* Cute: The Facebook News Network (with a shout-out to Mark Lisanti)

* Do you want a t-shirt that requires 451 words to explain? Here! (Via Rex)

Molly Lambert is Hilarious

"Ethan Hawke looks like his soul."

RSS that site if you haven't already!

I Write For, Like, The Business Section?

I did a triple-take when I read this sentence in the Times today in an article about Facebook's new ad model. It's not in quotes!:

So each user’s news feed will contain items like “Bobby Smith is now a fan of Toyota Prius” or whatever.

I think it's just wonderful, especially if it's editorializing.

Why Think It If You're Not Gonna Say It?

"Man, this totally reminds me of that week between The Lampoon and The Simpsons."

(Photo by Laist. And I kid, I kid. Go writers!)

The Silence of the Bees?

Yesterday I watched the PBS Nature doc The Silence of the Bees. It's basically that New Yorker article in documentary form, but the fact that the bees are disappearing rather than dying (they're not finding the bodies, granted they are small bodies) gave me an idea for a straight-to-video topical horror movie:

TITLE: "Buzz"
TAGLINE: "The bees aren't dying...they're gathering."
SYNOPSIS:
Teenagers looking for a place to party break into an airplane hanger on an abandoned military base...and discover Where the Bees Have All Gone. Intelligent workers, gross fat scary queens, etc etc etc. And, like, millions of bees all coming together to make big stinging monsters. The teenagers must contain the bees and save humanity or whatever.

Click for a Picture of Greg Wearing a Dress!

Mine: Kid Nation: The Drinking Game

I am a Fan of This Blogger: Kid Nation: Time is Candy

Ritalin Readings Tonight! (New Location)

Reminder that Ritalin Readings is now at The Slipper Room (Stanton and Orchard). Also, we just heard that we'll have the room after the show as well, so we're going to have a little after party with friends ipod-djing. Show starts at 8pm, $5, awesome lineup.

Best Costume Ever: Lloyd Dobler

I got an email after I wrote about Lloyd Dobler costumes a couple weeks ago from a guy named Jon from Toronto who was already hard at work on his Lloyd Dobler audio/visual masterpiece. Here it is (imagine the boom box blasting Peter Gabriel, because it was):

(Thanks, Jon!)

Bowling Alone: The Self Portrait Arm

This would be sold at Urban Outfitters.

Bill Cosby Eats, Shoots, Leaves Out Important Comma

This is allegedly the cover of his new book:

Releasing Tomorrow: Yoga For Indie Rockers

From deep in the heart of Netfix's new releases this week: Yoga for Indie Rockers:

"...certified yoga instructor Chaos leads this program set to three hard-driving beats so you can choose the music to fit your mood: indie rock, electronic or pop-punk. The soundtrack includes songs from Kevin Devine, Paulson, Jet Lag Gemini, Roses Are Red, the Bruises, Two Lone Swordsmen, House of Fools, Dillinger Escape Plan, Crash Romeo and many others."

Chaos is joined by her assistant instructor, Natural Tendency Toward Decay. Also, I've only heard of two of those bands.

I Totally Cried During Last Night's 'Kid Nation'

* My write-up on Vulture: 'All the Girls Hate You!'

Also, Taylor should have her own show called "Taylor Twilight."

* Gabe's Liveblog on Huffpo: 'Save a Polar Bear, Ride an Eskimo'

* Unrelated: Alex Blagg interviews his friend who went on a date with LC on this week's "The Hills"

I Was Hand-Writing a Thank-You Note Last Night

And I wrote a word the spelling of which looked wrong for a second, and for another second I thought "it's not underlined in red, so it's fine." Just, like, wow. I hope this kind of thing is happening to other people!

CBS Uses Vulture Quote In "Kid Nation" Promo

I'm amused by this but it wasn't my quote - the editor added it - but I agree with it in a "(this week)" way:

Ritalin Readings: THURSDAY, November 1st (NEW VENUE)

Ritalin Readings is back, and will now occur every month at The Slipper Room. Next week's show:

Wednesday THURSDAY, November 1st
8pm, $5

Hosted by Gabriel Delahaye and myself, produced by Jon Friedman

• Michelle Collins (Best Week Ever)

• Sloane Crosley (Author of the upcoming book of humor essays, I Was Told There'd Be Cake)

• Seth Herzog (Comedian, Vh1, Host of the weekly comedy show "Sweet")

• Erik Kraft (Author, Miracle Wimp)

• Nick Poppy (Filmmaker, Zombie American and American Cookbook)

• Adam Wade (Comedian; Comedy Central)

And a new short funny film by Jon Friedman