Lindsayism.com

I'm Not Immature. I'm "Larry David-esque"

Okay, confession time: I get my hair cut at Supercuts. 1. Because I'm cheap  2. Because I can't sit still for longer than 12 minutes and 3. Because, frankly, I don't really give a shit. (At least I'm not in any danger of ever being called "hair-pretty")

Yes, my friends make fun of me and suggest alternate places (I'm not paying $60 to be forced to sit still for 40 minutes and make awkward conversation with a stranger.) You know the saying "Men don't pay prostitutes for sex, they pay them to leave."? I don't pay stylists to cut my hair perfectly, I pay them to let me leave. Preferably after 12 minutes or less.

Anyway, so this morning I went to Supercuts on 6th Avenue and 8th Street because it's been over 3 months and it's definitely "time." When I walked in, there was one stylist working on one customer, and she seemed almost done, so she said "haircut?" and I said "yes" and she said "just a few minutes."

So I sit down and start flipping through an US Weekly on the banquette and try to block out the description of an epic eye infection with which the stylist is regaling her client (an infection which, no lie, turned out to be an STD!). After about 20 minutes, another woman comes in and sits down and says "I'm back!" and the stylist says "I'll be with you in a minute for your coloring." So I ask the stylist "Oh, uh, how long is it going to be?" and she goes "I don't know, an hour, hour and a half." And I was like "WHAT? Why didn't you tell me that when I walked in?" So she gave me attitude and I got up and put my layers back on angrily as fast as I could (it's hard to leave in a huff when it's 15 degrees outside) and said "You've wasted half an hour of my time, I'm never coming back here!"

And then I slipped the US Weekly in my bag and stormed out, slamming the door behind me.

The moral of the story is: 1. Don't get your haircut at SuperCuts and 2. I am an almost 30 year old woman who just stole an Us Weekly from SuperCuts out of spite.

And it wasn't even this week's issue.

THE END.

Sens-sens-senseo

My free Senseo coffee maker ($64 value) came today (with 18 free coffee pods!), so I thought I'd share the good news of how you can get one too. The curious might enjoy this FAQ:

What do I have to do to get this free item and screw over The Man?

Go here and fill out a survey. You don't have to give your credit card # or any of your friends' email addresses or sign up for other offers.

How does this survey involve the art of drama?

You will be playing a character who hosts a lot of regular gatherings, has a blog, and loves to share the good news of how important a good coffee maker is to one's fulfillment in life.

Should I fill out the survey with all the "right" answers?

Maybe, but I chose to fill it out using the second most influential-sounding answer. For example: my 'Ladies-only Sober Poker Night' meets bi-weekly instead of weekly. As do my 'Chick Lit Book Club Coffee Clatch' and my 'Stitch n Bitch n Rave About Household Appliances' Circle. My Desperate Housewives Watching Party meets weekly, however, for obvious reasons. But it does involve a (coffee) drinking game.

Don't you realize that it doesn't matter what you answer, everyone who fills out the survey will get a free Senseo, because after a few months of buying the exclusive Senseo-brand coffee pods it will have paid for itself?

Of course. But I don't really drink much coffee. I JUST LIKE FREE THINGS.

Don't you realize that by posting this on your blog, you are putty in the hands of the Senseo people, and the joke is, in the end, on you?

Yes, but I GOT SOMETHING FREE that at some point, some other sucker has paid for.

And you can, too.

lickity splits

* Jeff Barnosky on McSwy's: The Andover Grade Reports of George W. Bush:

"I simply cannot pass a student who insists on believing, and attempting to prove, this syllogism:

George is Awesome.
All Awesome people are George.
Therefore, George is Awesome (in bed)."

* Jonathan Swift is, like, frantically searching for a pen and paper in his grave right now.

* I did a little post about Andy Dick's freakout on my friend Mandy Stadtmiller on the Jane Music+Celebs blog.

* Get a free Fandango movie ticket, just by pretending to drink Scotch.