Lindsayism.com

'Trinkle Down' And Other Theories

This is hilarious: Dan Allen (awesome comedian and guy) has been using, of all words, the word "scatological" incorrectly. His entire life. And he thought it had something to do with jazz.

Eugene Mirman vs Denis Leary

Over on the Comedy Central blog, we asked different comedians to tell us who they have a feud with. It turned out pretty well. I especially like Eugene Mirman's:

Sarah Schaefer is So Funny

I do love a good "Chicken Man" joke.

David Cross Responds to Anonymous Commenters Who Begrudge Him Acting Work

And reveals to the world the difficulty he encountered while attempting to buy a house with his punk rock indie cred.

We all know that engaging internet commenters in any way is usually a bad idea, but this was pretty funny. David and Patton, kiss and make up!

Cute Animals Strike in Solidarity with Writers

I'm a little strike-video'd-out but this one by Frank Lesser and other Colbert folks is actually good (with great cameos!):

Max Silvestri: The Interview, The Awesome T Shirt

My friend Max Silvestri did an interview with Gridskipper about his favorite NYC places to consume things. Today, they have a map of those places.

A good place to see Max perform comedy would be at his monthly show, "I Like Attention", the next of which is this Sunday, October 14 at 8pm. His co-host this month is none other than Gabe Delahaye. I can't wait!

Incidentally, I'm 99% sure that Max's tshirt in the (above) Gridskipper picture is an illustration from a 70's-era "Where do Babies Come From?" book I checked out from the library when I was in elementary school. (In retrospect, I checked out that entire section. I guess I probably wasn't fooling anyone, huh?)

I'm Going To This: Max Silvestri's I Like Attention

Max's show has so much ridiculous friend-buzz ("funniest show I've seen in years" type stuff) that I'm breaking my totally set-in-stone personal rule of *NEVER* going out on Sunday nights to be at this month's  I LIKE ATTENTION tomorrow. Just look at this lineup! Flyer:

Contest! Zack Galifianakis + Bad Art + Band of Horses

UPDATE: Carey and Kerry guessed correctly. Zach's "brother" is Seth Galifianakis.

I don't usually do contests but come on, this one is like tailor-made (when I found out about this event I said "Zach G, Bad art and Band of Horses? If I don't go I'm NOT ME!")

Tomorrow night at Hiro Ballroom, New York Magazine is having a benefit for New York Cares at which:

* Zach Galifianakis will auction off bad art
* Band of Horses will play a full set

To buy tickets, go here

To enter to win tickets, send me an email with the name of Zach Galifianakis's "brother" in the subject line by midnight EST tonight. 

My 30 Hour Seattle Adventure, And Links

This past weekend I went to Seattle for 30 hours to be a bridesmaid in my friend Christy's wedding (which was really fun!) and only slept 4 of them and met (namedrop) fimoculous Rex and scratched my cornea on the plane yesterday and had a total blast! Not a moment of boredom and if you know me, that is saying a lot. I mean, I'm bored now. As, I'm sure, are you.

So: links!!

* Defamer has a nice wrap-up of the finale of the show I hated SO MUCH yet watched every single episode of.

* I wrote a comedy-geek-indie-record-store -clerk-earnestly-mad indignant rant about Esquire's up and coming comedians list. Something had to be said, okay?

* Also via Defamer: there is a baby who looks just like Chris Farley. I know you're clicking. You can't help yourself.

* Claire Zulkey sent me an email saying "This girl reminds me of you." Thanks, Claire!

You Tube Show and Tell Tonight

Event Tonight: YouTube Show and Tell with Julie and Jackie and special guests David Cross, Jon Benjamin, Leo Allen and Amelie Gillette at Mo's at 8:30.

None Taken!

(I'm going to let the lack of "are you alive" emails to confirm my suspicions that the only people who read this are obsessive self-googlers who hope I'm dead and people I IM with all day who know I'm not.)

So here are three links to good things:

* Have I ever mentioned that I love Human Giant so much? Every person who has come over in the past week has had to watch this sketch on my DVR (and has loved it): Rollerblading.

* Awesome: The Book Inscription Project.

* "I'd rather have a drunk Mr. Gower filling my prescriptions" - Martha Plimpton on Duane Reade. I love Martha Plimpton. Because she's Martha Plimpton, she loves Ambien as much as I do (I want to get a little yappy energetic dog JUST to name it "Ambien") and she drops It's a Wonderful Life references and expects everyone to get them (as they should.)

I'm onto you, "coffee-chick"

(I just bought this cold-brew coffee thing, and I swear this picture on the company's website is Evangeline Lilly before she was famous. Even if it's not, why does she look like there's something a lot naughtier than coffee in that mug?)

In other links:

* Whatevs counts down the best of Acceptable TV. Excellent time-saving list!

* The best jokes are the jokes that only four people get: chapter infinity plus one (Also, "watching confused Gawker commenters embarrass themselves" is a particularly satisfying pastime.)

* Neat: The sound of two bots chatting.

* BWE asks Zach Galifianakis about his Ellen audience appearance: "If you don't dance with the creeps you are seen as a creep."

Ritalin Readings Tonight!

Tonight at Mo's at 9pm: Ritalin Readings! Lineup:

This show's vague theme is "Marry/F**k/Kill" and the 4-minute time limit per reader will be enforced with supersoakers 99 cent store squirt guns.

Hosted by Gabriel Delahaye and me.
Produced by Jon Friedman (The Rejection Show)

Readers:

• Jami Attenberg (Author, Instant Love, now out in paperback!)

• Kurt Braunohler (Comedian)

• Amelie Gillette (The Onion AV Club's The Hater columnist)

• Chris Mohney (Editor, Gridskipper)

• John Mulaney(Comedian)

• Dana Vachon (Author, Mergers and Acquisitions)

April 24th at 9PM

Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction 34 Avenue A (b. 2nd and 3rd St.) F or V train to Second Ave. 212-777-5660 $6

Advance tickets can be bought here.

Paul Rudd and David Wain Singing 'More Than a Feeling'

Exactly:

David Cross on The Michael Showalter Showalter

I.Love.This.Show:

am I crazy?

Or would Andrew WK be cute if he got a haircut?

Maybe this is a known thing. I never paid attention to him until he started showing up on The Apiary.

I don't usually do this, but:

It's a great day for funny girls.

The Day In Comedians Defending Themselves Online

Here's my rule:

When David Cross does it, it's okay
(Though, of course, inadvisable. Also, my Mormon joke, which I repeated in the comments, continues to be awesome.)

When Dane Cook does it, it's not.

You have a baby! In a bar!

Sometimes worlds just have to collide a little bit: Demetri Martin. In Reader's Digest.

I lied about the Oreos.

What I've Learned from this Month's Esquire

The Definition of 'Insult to Injury':

Sustaining a near-life-threatening papercut one second after reading Jaime Pressly's "What I've Learned" in (the paper version of) Esquire.

Also, if you dare read it (at least you won't bleed from the pinky, just the eyes), you'll learn that we can add Jaime to the list (is someone keeping a list? Someone should keep a list) of celebrities who claim to have originally been booked on one of the 9/11 flights.

BUT SHE DOESN'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT, mmmkay?

I actually like the What I've Learned feature, but have they run out of people who've learned things that aren't celebrations of their own accomplishments? I'm looking at you, Clive Davis. I'll remember your immortal words of wisdom the next time it's my turn to sign the Grateful Dead and Lou Reed to record deals, or Dionne Warwick calls me to complain about something. I mean, like, what?

I mean, shit, I've learned that I'm awesome too but that's clearly not the point of the assignment.

Alan Arkin's was good, though. And the joint interview with Silverman and Kimmel was fascinating. I especially liked Sarah's advice to Jimmy on getting along with one's parents:

"Here's what Sarah taught me about getting along with my own parents: Try to pretend they're someone else's parents. If you do that, the little things that annoy you that don't annoy anyone else are much more tolerable."

Just in time for the Holidays!

and...scene!

A good friend of mine just tearfully admitted that she's never seen Mr Show. I said "Shhh, baby, it's okay, relax, I have all the DVDs, we'll have a little party and I'll cue up my favorites...BUT YOU HAVE TO LOVE IT OR WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS, CAPISCE?"

So anyway, I found one of my favorite sketches (and I believe, by consensus on nerdy comedy message boards I don't like to admit I read, the most classic Mr Show sketch of all.): THE AUDITION

(Also, I absolutely love it when I'm at work and I use the "are you using this chair" line at the beginning of a meeting and the person I'm talking to says "do you need it? For the audition?" Okay, it's happened exactly once but I still love it.)

Jessy Delfino's Pussy Is Magic!

Jessy Delfino goes viral! So. Much. Awesome:

(Via a lot of blogs, including Emily.)

More Jessy Delfino right here!

is there an emoticon for 'quiet desperation'?

* I'm guest-blogging for the Jane Magazine website again! Today's post: what we need today are funny weathermen (Shhh, just trust me!)

* What we also need today is Mandy Stadtmiller as this week's comedian guest blogger on the Comedy Central blog, reminding us of the brilliance of Gilbert Gottfried (Update: link had to be removed from there, but it's still here.)

Be Michael Showalter's Intern OMG!

From the Stella newsletter, Michael Showalter needs an intern:

"ARE YOU AN ENTERPRISING YOUNG MAN/WOMAN LIVING IN NYC? For instance a college student or recent college graduate? Are you interested in being my intern/assistant/lackey for frighteningly little pay several hours a week? If so, please contact me and let me know! I’m looking for just such a person. If you are this person or think you know who this person is you can contact me at Michael(AT)msofficialsite.com"

outed

So, if you've been keeping track of the saga of my blog redesign, and I don't know why you would be, everything seems to be working properly except for the photos in the archives not showing up, but hopefully that will be fixed soon. Thanks go to Typepad, and to Chris who sent me a noir-ish, cryptic email last night saying "I think I know what's wrong with your blog. Call me at work (number)" And I did, and he helped me fix things.

Via the Fiddle: Funny: fun with telemarketers (sort of mean)

Almost as funny as Eugene Mirman messing with Right Wing bigot telemarketers.  Which is totally 100% okay.

Also, how awesome is Worker 3116/Corporate Casual Gabriel Delahaye doing subbing on Gawker this week? Example: I don't usually follow the party crash jump - just because I don't care who was at Soho House or whatever, but this is the best one ever.

"I am your conscience"

Mandy Stadtmiller has hilarious video taken from a (non Comedy Central) roast of Emmitt Smith, along with comments by Jeffrey Ross. Watch until the end, it's worth it.

kaufmanesque

* Darci finds the future of comedy: Ralph Handel.

* Three funny people I like are performing at the WYSIWYG talent show tonight: Mandy Stadtmiller, Dan Allen and Blaise K.

* Happy Birthday, Eugene Mirman.

* Do you wear contacts? Print out a coupon for a free full-sized bottle of Renu contact solution.

* How to save SNL: bring in one special guest writer for each episode - like a guest host, but behind the scenes. Book them all at the beginning of each half-season so they have time to prepare and get their ideas together. Stop making the players' screen time dependent on writing themselves into their own sketches. Let writers write and performers perform - and give each guest writer the respect afforded someone who isn't burned out and who is going to help save your show. What that show needs is NEW BLOOD and real writers who have more interest in coming up with funny ideas than being in the spotlight.

Comforting Comedy News

Good news lifted directly from Eugene Mirman's newsletter:

1) Eugene will be appearing this fall in an episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
2) Eugene has been cast in the Flight Of The Concords HBO pilot.
3) Eugene is working on several web shorts for a new comedy broadband channel being launched by Turner Broadcasting in the fall.
4) Eugene has signed with Harper Collins to write a humor book to be tentatively released in the fall of 2007.

Also, Eugene's tour with Michael Showalter and Leo Allen kicks off tomorrow at Maxwell's.

If you haven't seen him, he's hilarious.

quitters never win

* Because sometimes something parodies itself so well that there's simply nothing left to say.

* Chicago comedy fans, you now have your own Apiary outpost: The Bastion

* The UK Office cast to cameo on the US Office: "Dare we expect a Gareth vs. Dwight showdown?"

* It's about damn time someone made a movie of Into the Wild, even if that person is Sean Penn.

* "What planet is (Dave Chappelle) living on?" AMEN.

this is what the internet's for

* The Mountain Goats' "Dance Music" sung by a sock puppet!

* Christian Finnegan's new Comedy Central ringtones, including two that are Morrissey-inspired:

- Black on the Outside
- Never Someone Who Loves Me

* It's nice to see other Lindsay Robertsons are getting work, but, like, geez. It's like a practical joke.

rated arrrrrr

* The hilarious Mandy Stadtmiller reviews "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Pirates"

* For others who are Glamour-Shots-obsessed: The Glamster Dance! Related: my old Glamour Shots.

* Ikeahacker

* Speaking of pirates, next Tuesday is the Hamstravaganza, a ham-and-pirate-themed party on a boat with comedians.

"Looks like a job for Mary Lynn. Make the call."

("This mission would be so much easier if Viagra had never been invented.")

From Roll Call, via emails:

"Rumors were swirling around Capitol Hill and beyond Tuesday that Rush Limbaugh is dating actress Mary Lynn Rajskub, who plays Chloe O'Brian on the Fox series '24.'

"If you saw the papers over the weekend, including The Washington Post, there were photos of Limbaugh planting a big kiss right on Rajskub's lips during a dog-and-pony event at the Heritage Foundation."

Shhhhhhhhhh, it's okay! I choose to believe that Mary Lynn is a secret operative, tapped to use her superpowers as professional heartbreaker to destroy Rush's will to live. What Oxycontin couldn't do, Mary Lynn can.

Related: I Just Threw Up In My Soul a Little Bit

ocean spray on the outside, yellow tail on the inside

* The Billyburg Short Film Festival (hosted by Michael Showalter) was cancelled because of the rain on Saturday. So now it will be this Friday, and everything else is the same. Click the flyer for more info.

* My awesome coworkers Karen Lurie and Nick Poppy's very short pilot, American Cookbook, has been picked up ("Greenlighted", if you will. "Given the go ahead", as it were) by the watchers of Channel 102. Watch it here.

* Mark my words: Someone is about to get an email from D.C.

full disclosure blah blah blah

...And I have a new screensaver. (Thanks to co-worker Nicole.)

* Variety reports that my former nice neighbor Corey Feldman will star in "Coreys", a Curb Your Enthusiasm-style show with Corey Haim. How much does that rule? HOW MUCH?

* Via Golden Fiddle-on-Jane, who needs to send me some of the meth-like-substance that is allowing him to blog like it's his job that he just got and doesn't hate yet: long awkward pose. I will be doing this to my friends on the ambassador ho-phone forthwith, so beware!

* Via Darci Kittenpants, who is awesomeing-up the Comedy Central blog on a daily basis: the Corner'ingation of Baby. (This is a drop-everything link as is the long awkard pose one.)

* Rolling Stone has entered the blog game with Rock Daily and my friend Lizzy (Spin-when-it-was- good, NME) is one of the writers, yay.

* A few weeks ago I made a comment on Radosh quoting someone who compared the new Adam Sandler movie, Click, to Nicholson Baker's The Fermata.
Today I learned that CNN mentioned that idea and linked to the comment. I was shocked that they actually gave attribution of an idea to a blog comment, but saddened by the fact that I hadn't attributed it myself. The person who originally made the Fermata joke, in email, was Jeff, of the blog Heart On a Stick. He really didn't want me to post this, but justice must be broughten!
Also, CNN is linking to blog comments now. (Also, if you can decipher the above paragraph, I salute you.)

* Last night I fell in love with a painting at Niagara. I scribbled the artist's name down on a magazine page and googled him today - I can't find the painting online but it's called "Flashlight" and it's by Ted Riederer. My friend Jen obliged me by snapping a picture of it last night. I liked this painting so much that for a few brief, Yellow Tail-soaked minutes I thought I might have 400 bucks just lying around waiting to be spent, but then I came to my senses. "If I were married, it would only be 200!" I joked, realizing I'd just found the most compelling reason for me to get married that had ever occured to me before. What I'm trying to say is it's a really fucking awesome painting. The picture doesn't do it justice. Go see it. And buy it. And let me come over and look at it.
Here's a profile Current TV did of Ted Reiderer in January.

David's Law!

I've had this rule for myself for the past few years called "David's Law." David's Law was signed into law in 2003, just after an unfortunate "I was that drunk girl" incident at the Tinkle Booze Cruise. David's Law makes it illegal for me, Lindsay Robertson, to speak to David Cross or any other public figure whom I admire (usually comedians, because I generally only admire funny people) unless introduced by someone else, directly spoken to, or if I already know them, or if it's for work.

Since David's Law was passed in 2003, it has helped many talented comedians unknowingly dodge the bullet that is meeting me, including but not limited to Sarah Silverman, Patton Oswalt, Demetri Martin, Zack Galifianakis, Paul Rudd, Amy Poehler, Janeane Garofalo, Thomas Lennon, and David Cross like three more times (though I was introduced to him without time to run away in February by a mutual friend, so that doesn't count, and all I said was "I've been a fan for a long time" and then escaped as fast as I could.)

Anyway, imagine my delight when I opened my copy of New York Magazine (it was $5/year for the subscription, okay?) last night and found a sidebar by David Cross himself entitled "Where Do I Know You From? How not to alienate That Guy From TV."

It really made me feel like the last three years of not annoying my heros has all been worth it. Also, it's really funny. David's first rule:

"If you don't know who he is, ask your friend. Or a stranger. Don't ask him. And certainly don't ask him to keep listing his resume until you realize he's the guy from Blade of Innocence 2 who lost his shoe and got killed by the vampire with outer-space AIDS."

Anyway, I've never really spoken publically (ha) about the incident that sparked David's Law, but I will say with a very red face that it may have included the sentence:

"I was definitely the only cute girl who was obsessed with Mr. Show in 1996."

Which, besides being horrifying in other ways, is sort of an insult. So, um, that's how a personal bill becomes a personal law.

the meat rehydrator

My coworker Karen found a bunch of old Comedy Central promos from the 90's on youtube:

Patton Oswalt and Blaine Capatch in 1991

Patton and Blaine in 1994

Janeane Garofalo in 1995 (I remember this one)

Roger Clinton in 1993

B-A-N-G

Funny Showbiz Show web-only video "Jessi Klein's Crush of the Week: Colin Farrell"

almost forgot...

The Great Louis CK's much-anticipated new HBO sitcom, Lucky Louie, premieres Sunday night at 10:30. I linked to this article in the Boston Globe about Louis and the show a long time ago, but it's still good. I'm a huge Louis CK fan and I'm crossing my fingers that the planets will align in favor of smart comedy and the show will be a hit. Everyone, watch it!

"There's room for everyone. You can make it your own way."

I was just re-reading the amazing 4-part Patton Oswalt interview from A Special Thing on the subway this morning, and this quote jumped out at me because it's something I've been thinking about a lot and I totally agree:

"I'm still baffled by people that get jealous or angry at a comedian having success, when it's the kind of success that they would never want. You know, do you want what that guy has? Do you want to do what that guy has to do? That's awful. Be happy it's not you."

Insert whatever you want for "comedian" and it's still so true. (Well, unless you're an actual prostitute, I guess.)

Anyways, Happy Holidays!

yet larry the cable guy continues his rise...

"The package -- which arrived via UPS -- contained a picture of Chappelle's sleeping children, taken the night before in Chappelle's house. A person who appeared to be of Al Sharpton's build was standing next to their beds...

Chappelle made one more phone call that evening to Bill Cosby...all he said to Bill was "it's over...call off the dogs."

"Only when I see an announcement in the press," Cosby responded."

Was Dave Chappelle the victim of The Dark Crusaders?

some little things

* Patton Oswalt answers the question "What was the funniest person, place or thing of 2005?" for the Comedy Central Insider blog.

* Tonight is the latest edition of Will Leitch's excellent Growth Spurt Reading Series, at Happy Endings at 8. I'm going to try to stop by after seeing a rare New York appearance by Lizzie Skurnick (aka The Old Hag) reading from her new book of poetry, "Check In", at the Jen Bekman gallery.

* Speaking of readings, remember my old humor reading series, Ritalin Readings? Well, it looks like it's coming back with a vengeance, bigger and better in 2006. I'll still be booking talent and co-hosting with Alex Balk, but now a really cool production company is going to be producing it. More, as you might imagine, later. But I'm super-excited.

* Last night I dreamed there was a magazine called "American Comment", that consisted solely of letters to the editor and reader polls, solicted in the previous issue. Before you say "that's the stupidest idea ever", I'd like to point out that Americans are the stupidest people ever. It's a total P.T. Barnum idea, like Desperate Housewives, or the Bush Administration. I have no idea what the rest of the dream was about.

Comedy Stuff

* Excellent Boston Globe article about the excellent Louis C.K. and his upcoming show, Lucky Louie, on HBO, which is being proclaimed no less than the savior of the sitcom. If you haven't already, check out his special on HBO On Demand. Every single second is pure comic genius. Lots of clips and stuff here.

* The second half of A Special Thing's interview with Patton Oswalt is up. My favorite part:
"I. Hate. Needy. Comedy. Ninety percent of comedy films, ninety percent of sitcoms, are the neediest, most desperate, please God, what can we do to make you laugh? Please, anything, what do you want?"

Patton also has a write-up of the second episode of Comedians of Comedy (including outtake clips) on his blog.

* I got the link to the Louis C.K. Boston Globe article from the great new-ish comedy site, Laugh Machine, which is now a daily read.

* Once again, I'm headed out to L.A. this weekend for Comedy Central's Last Laugh '05 event. The talent lineup hasn't been officially announced yet, but I'm really excited about it this year and I think many readers of this site will be too. If anyone knows of anything fun going on this Saturday night in LA (particularly if it's comedy-related), email me!

Comedians of Comedy, not to be confused with Comedians of Comedy

People seem justifiably confused about Comedians of Comedy the movie vs. Comedians of Comedy the TV show. So for clarification:

Comedians of Comedy (the movie) opens tomorrow at Cinema Village. It's a feature-length film that follows Patton Oswalt, Maria Bamford, Brian Posehn and Zach Galifianakis on tour, showing bits of their standup as well as them fooling around between shows. It's basically a comedy nerd's dream. I loved it (though there were some serious parts I would have taken out.)

Comedians of Comedy the show premieres tomorrow at 11pm on Comedy Central. It's a half-hour show that follows Patton Oswalt, Maria Bamford, Brian Posehn and Zach Galifianakis on A DIFFERENT, MORE RECENT tour, showing bits of their standup as well as them fooling around between shows. It's less serious than the movie.

The movie and the show have zero footage in common, as the show was shot after the movie had already premiered at SXSW.

accept no imitations

The first of TWO contests this week: win a Jesus is Magic poster autographed by Sarah Silverman! Just be the first to answer this question correctly:

What was the name of the band of underdogs on Mr. Show with Bob and David in which Sarah played "the woman"?

Email me with the name of the band in the subject line.

UPDATE: Congratulations to Matt Tobey, who won. The answer is, of course, "Indomitable Spirit".

(I should mention that Jesus is Magic opens this Friday in select theaters. Here's an idea: get people together and go see a 7ish show, then go back to your house in time for the premiere of Comedians of Comedy! (Note: I only plug stuff I really like and I've gotten nothing for it, just fyi.)

Comedians of Comedy

* This Friday, a new show will premiere on Comedy Central called Comedians of Comedy. It follows Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford and Zack Galifianakis on their Comedians of Comedy tour. I've seen the first three episodes and it's REALLY funny. Set your DVRs for this Friday at 11pm. I will be mentioning this every day this week. It's that important!

* Thanks to everyone who wrote to me about fixing my permanent links, and thanks to Kyle from Blogebrity.com, who went in and fixed 'em for me.

* Brooklynbunny.com. I had a bunny for a very short time a few years ago named JonBenet. It bit me so often and so hard that people thought I had an abusive boyfriend and I had to pay $100 to give it to an animal shelter where they promised it wouldn't be euthanized. But I sincerely hope that thing is giving four separate people a lot of luck right now, if you know what I mean. Um, anyways, I'm sure this bunny is nice or whatever.

* A little birdie tells me that Demetri Martin, will appear as a correspondent on The Daily Show tonight, which is weird because isn't he a writer/performer on Conan? Either way, more Demetri is always good.

* The Village Voice has an interview with Aziz Ansari. Go Aziz!

* Madonna: So Not Cool. God, finally. Thank you.