Lindsayism.com

I know it's a dubious distinction...

This has to be the best thing that has ever been written on a Tumblr:

"Can anyone remember a more exciting election? How amazing is it that the Democratic party is choosing between the potential first African-American president and the first female president? Just having one of them as a viable nominee this late in the process would have been heartening; the fact that they’re both still at it might be cause for soul-searching and discomfort, but let’s be honest, it’s a nice problem to have."

Alex Balk endorses Obama, in his special way. Also, the end is great.

The Only Thing That Could Make Me Go to a Musical

If said musical was "WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER: THE MUSICAL" Say it is so!

The Collective Anger Quota

"It works like this: every offending cultural object—movie, TV show, ice-cream flavor, what have you—demands that a certain amount of anger be generated in response to it. If tons of people despise something—like, say, the comedy of Carlos Mencia—the Anger Quota has already been filled, and I don’t have to feel strongly about it one way or another. But if I dislike something that pretty much everyone loves—Some Like It Hot, or OK Computer—then I really have my hating cut out for me."

- Tim Long, giving a name to a common feeling (in this case, writing about Juno.)

Amelie Gillette Emasculates Esquire's Lady Wisdom List

Like the AV Club's Hater Amelie Gillette, I hate-read Esquire's 10 Things You Don't Know About Women every month. Unfortunately for me, unlike Amelie, I didn't write this absolutely hilarious blog post about it:

"...imagine my excitement when I learned that the kidnapped Sex & The City writer that Esquire pokes with a cattle prod to generate these lists must have escaped, and the magazine needs people like me to write them..."

Stop everything and read the whole thing: Men are from Mars, Women are from Ladytown, the 10 Things You Didn't Know About Women

The Restroom Standoff

Jessica Coen: "The Restroom Standoff operates on karma..."

Jon Friedman is Hilarious: The Wonder Years

Jon Friedman, on The Wonder Years:

(Via The Apiary)

The Funniest Thing On the Internet: The Onion Sunday Magazine

I completely forgot about The Onion magazine/Weekender until today. Lucky me! I got to go through the archive and look at them all at once. Some of them are parodies of Parade, and some of them are parodies of the NYT Mag, and they're all brilliant. Go look!

Zip a dee do dah, it's a Lucky Store

"I can't imagine the utterance of this sentence, "I need to go to the Shore Mall to get...", unless it ended with "...scabies."
fourfour brings us along on a tour of the Saddest Mall in America. Hysterical! We had a mall like that in Tallahassee where I saw my first movie ('Song of the South') and bought stamps in bags of 300 for my "I only like the pretty ones" fake philatelic phase. It was called the Northwood Mall and eventually they gave up and now it's the Northwood Office Center and state workers work there.

Score the Sopranos Last Scene with Any MP3

If you're like me, you frequently become enraged at the way the internet controls your life. You have no need for a "boss button" because the entire effing web is your boss button and and you long for the simplicity of a blank Excel document or, even better, a cabin in the woods off the grid and untouched by the medium that simultaneously feeds and destroys you like the semen of one of Angelina Jolie's ex boyfriends.

But then, some days, you see something this unbelievably awesome and you're just like "Wow. I love you, Internet!"

UPDATE: What a beautiful dream that could flash on the screen in a blink of an eye and be gone: It doesn't sync well and ends too early, but the juxtaposition with Aeroplane made my neurons fire like crazy. Just paste this in on Stereogum.
(Thanks to Jen, obvs!)

"You Mean that I'm Smart?"

Ben Greenman's latest Media Matinee, "Lindsay! The Musical!" is so good I'm speechless. Just go, my friend. Go to it. You will see.

I Wonder How Many (Date)truth Urls They've Bought?

Prediction: 429truth.com, a website about what REALLY happened the day before yesterday, will be mentioned on the Colbert Report. (This is a real prediction - I have no inside knowledge. It's just so Colberty, you know? It even has an eagle.)

I get the feeling that the creator/s got this idea a while ago and have just been waiting for the perfect non-fatal infrastructure failure to happen. Either way, it's pretty brilliant.

Saw IV: Oh Yes, There Will Be Taffy

This is one of the funniest things ever.

a creature is dead/and it rests on your head

(Per this commenter): Gushing Over Things I Like:

1. This Radar interview with Neal Pollack, who should not be lumped in with the hip-dad-come-latelys who have been getting annoying trend-press recently:

"I have a little bathroom off of my office that I use for various purposes, and I have my vaporizer on the floor in there. One day, he came into the bathroom and he asked what it was. I said, "Something daddy uses to help him with his breath."

2. Ben Greenman's Fragments from Rosie: The Musical!

In an odd place (a...o...l??) but brilliant!

and...scene!

A good friend of mine just tearfully admitted that she's never seen Mr Show. I said "Shhh, baby, it's okay, relax, I have all the DVDs, we'll have a little party and I'll cue up my favorites...BUT YOU HAVE TO LOVE IT OR WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS, CAPISCE?"

So anyway, I found one of my favorite sketches (and I believe, by consensus on nerdy comedy message boards I don't like to admit I read, the most classic Mr Show sketch of all.): THE AUDITION

(Also, I absolutely love it when I'm at work and I use the "are you using this chair" line at the beginning of a meeting and the person I'm talking to says "do you need it? For the audition?" Okay, it's happened exactly once but I still love it.)

"I just want to walk around and see what I can find"

Last spring, I watched the entire Up Series over a few weeks and wrote about it on the Jane Magazine blog. I'm still obsessed with this series of documentaries that follows an eclectic group of English children every seven years throughout their lives. The latest in the series, 49 up, has just opened in American theaters. You can watch the trailer and learn more about the films here.

I found this apt description in an online review of the series:

"It is our privilege...every seven years, to be given so intimate and respectful a window on the journeys of these dozen souls. And to be led in turn, inevitably, to examine our own lives, and to look at the lives of those around us with a longer view, a perspective that's something close to Divine."

That quote is from Christianity Today. (That's how transcendent this series of films is -- I agree with Christianity Today!)

Anyway, 49 Up is now playing:

In New York: at the IFC Center

In Los Angeles at Landmark Nuart Theatre

(Check local listings for other screenings.)

Drop Everything and See The Devil and Daniel Johnston. Really.

I don't really do 'reviews' of things this good. Things this good do not need reviews. Just take a moment right now and put The Devil and Daniel Johnston at the top of your Netflix queue. Or take out your little book and write "rent TDaDJ asap" in it. Or go to a store and buy it. If you're any kind of curious or interesting person this movie (and Daniel himself) will fascinate and obsess you. And I know that's an obnoxious thing to say - that's just how amazing this story is! (Read about Daniel and the movie here.)

ONE CAVEAT: You must watch the extras...but do not look at the extras menu until you're done watching the entire movie. I cannot stress this enough - when you get to the main menu just hit "play movie". When you're done, watch the extras.

Brilliant.

UPDATE: SEEEEE???

Jessy Delfino's Pussy Is Magic!

Jessy Delfino goes viral! So. Much. Awesome:

(Via a lot of blogs, including Emily.)

More Jessy Delfino right here!

details!

The Foley im transcript, put back in its original, innocent context.

"the remote in your hand is a crackpipe"

The long trailer for Tina Fey's 30 Rock. (Premieres Oct. 11/ Wednesdays, 8:30p / 7:30c)

And

The long trailer for Aaron Sorkin's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip.
(Premieres Sept. 18/ Mondays, 10p / 9c)

I'm really excited about both these shows, and I need to get a life.

Fox Bike Prank: Even Funnier Version

(Now with Jodi Applegate's back-from-commercial rant - hilarious.)

The Neistat Brothers also make funny shorts for the Showbiz Show with David Spade, including this shot-for-shot remake of the Jurassic Park trailer on (I knew the name sounded familiar!)

Don't listen to Jodi - if they're selling anything on the internet, be sure to buy it!

Drop Everything: Fox Bike Prank

Uh oh...Mom's mad.

(Best.Video.Ever. - Gawker )

"I haven't seen it but I know what it is"

So I've known about the movie Diner, because everyone knows about the movie Diner, but until this weekend when a friend brought it over and forced me to watch it, I had no idea that Diner was actually one of the best movies ever! Why didn't anyone tell me???? It was made in 1982, yet it totally holds up! It directly influenced so many TV shows and movies (Seinfeld, particularly), yet it still feels fresh. After this weekend, I asked around and most of my friends haven't seen it.

My favorite scene features newlyweds Daniel Stern (Shrevie) and Ellen Barkin (Beth) arguing over Shrevie's record collection (Beth is holding a record that she had placed out of order alphabetically):

Shrevie: Ok, now ask me what's on the flip side.
Beth: Why?
Shrevie: Just, just ask me what's on the flip side, OK?
Beth: What is on the flip side?
Shrevie: Hey, Hey, Hey, 1958. Specialty Records.
[Beth nods blankly]
Shrevie: See? You don't ask me things like that, do you? No! You never ask me what's on the flip side.
Beth: No! Because I don't give a shit. Shrevie, who cares about what's on the flip side of the record?
Shrevie: I do! Every one of my records means something! The label, the producer, the year it was made. Who was copying whose style... who's expanding on that, don't you understand? When I listen to my records they take me back to certain points in my life, OK? Just don't touch my records, ever! You! The first time I met you? Modell's sister's high school graduation party, right? 1955. And Ain't That A Shame was playing when I walked into the door!

When this scene ended I jumped up to rewind it, for this character is the first known movie archetype of........

EVERY GUY I'VE EVER DATED!

(For the record, I would stand a better chance than Ellen Barkin of 'knowing what was on the flip side', metaphorically, but I've always thought the alphabetical stuff was over the top.)

Anyway, Netflix that shit, pronto!

the original dance dance revolution

I was searching for pictures of Bigfoot (long story, just got a "forest" photo wall mural that I want to insert a pic of Bigfoot into) and found this.

HOW AWESOME IS THAT? I really really want it so I can reenact that scene from "Big" with my friends (or, more likely, make a new friend based on his or her willingness to reenact that scene from "Big" with me.) But alas, I don't think it will fit in my apartment. And I don't know how to play piano with my feet.

Instead, let's just all watch that scene from "Big" together. And remember.

full disclosure blah blah blah

...And I have a new screensaver. (Thanks to co-worker Nicole.)

* Variety reports that my former nice neighbor Corey Feldman will star in "Coreys", a Curb Your Enthusiasm-style show with Corey Haim. How much does that rule? HOW MUCH?

* Via Golden Fiddle-on-Jane, who needs to send me some of the meth-like-substance that is allowing him to blog like it's his job that he just got and doesn't hate yet: long awkward pose. I will be doing this to my friends on the ambassador ho-phone forthwith, so beware!

* Via Darci Kittenpants, who is awesomeing-up the Comedy Central blog on a daily basis: the Corner'ingation of Baby. (This is a drop-everything link as is the long awkard pose one.)

* Rolling Stone has entered the blog game with Rock Daily and my friend Lizzy (Spin-when-it-was- good, NME) is one of the writers, yay.

* A few weeks ago I made a comment on Radosh quoting someone who compared the new Adam Sandler movie, Click, to Nicholson Baker's The Fermata.
Today I learned that CNN mentioned that idea and linked to the comment. I was shocked that they actually gave attribution of an idea to a blog comment, but saddened by the fact that I hadn't attributed it myself. The person who originally made the Fermata joke, in email, was Jeff, of the blog Heart On a Stick. He really didn't want me to post this, but justice must be broughten!
Also, CNN is linking to blog comments now. (Also, if you can decipher the above paragraph, I salute you.)

* Last night I fell in love with a painting at Niagara. I scribbled the artist's name down on a magazine page and googled him today - I can't find the painting online but it's called "Flashlight" and it's by Ted Riederer. My friend Jen obliged me by snapping a picture of it last night. I liked this painting so much that for a few brief, Yellow Tail-soaked minutes I thought I might have 400 bucks just lying around waiting to be spent, but then I came to my senses. "If I were married, it would only be 200!" I joked, realizing I'd just found the most compelling reason for me to get married that had ever occured to me before. What I'm trying to say is it's a really fucking awesome painting. The picture doesn't do it justice. Go see it. And buy it. And let me come over and look at it.
Here's a profile Current TV did of Ted Reiderer in January.

so punk rock

This is so cool: you sign up for this email list that these UK pranksters set up, and when the list has enough people on it they'll choose a David Hasselhoff song and send out an alert. Everyone on the list is then supposed to buy the song off iTunes for 99 cents on the same day, thus catapulting an old random David Hasselhoff song to the top of the (UK) charts. The awesome thing is, these people aren't David Hasselhoff fans. They're just fucking with the stupid, meaningless chart system. And for that they have my undying respect.

And probably the attention of every record label and music promoter (For all I know record labels already do this, but I seem to get a lot of emails from record promotion companies who haven't figured out this isn't a music blog and I haven't seen a coordinated e-commerce attack of this magnitude yet. Not that I actually read them.)

So at first I was all "viva la revolucion!" but then I remembered that co-option by the Man is always just a step behind. Sigh.