I'm stuck on Apligraf cause Apligraf's stuck on me

I kind of pride myself on knowing about this kind of thing before, say, Gawker (no offense, pharm-absurdity is just one of my beats) but none of my extensive viewing of Scientific American Frontiers with Alan Alda or multiple RSS feeds for medical oddities and treatments could prepare me for Apligraf: the band-aid made out of foreskins. Oh to be a fly on the wall for the brainstorming meeting when they had to come up with a name for it.

Comments

[Josh Rosen]

So instead of taking your son to a mohel, now you can just take him to Johnson & Johnson. (Wonder what the going rate is for a good medical-quality foreskin?)

[Pat]

Did someone request a foreskin joke?!

One day a man comes to the Rabbi and says, "Rabbi, let me buy the foreskins from your Bris ceremoneis."

"Why should you want the foreskin?" the Rabbi asks.

"I am going to make something with it."

"Very well, young man, you pay a good price. Let me know how it turns out," and he gives the young man the box o' foreskin that he stores in his office.

The man returns in two weeks and excitedly shows the Rabbi the work he has done with the foreskins.

"What, only a wallet?" the Rabbi asks. "I gave you thirty years of penis and all you can make is this 3x5 wallet?!"

"Ah, but Rabbi, when you rub it, it turns into a suitcase!"

[rimshot]

[David Gardner]

Pat started this, Lindsay...so don't blame me:

An old man goes to the head buyer at Macy's and says, "I'm a ribbon salesman, and for forty years I've been trying to sell ribbon to Macy's...and you won't buy a thing from me. I'm retiring tomorrow, and I would be grateful if you would just make one small purchase from me. After all, Macy's is the greatest department store in the world, and I'd love to be able to say that I made just one sale here."
The buyer says, "I don't know...we really don't need any ribbon. I'm sorry."
The old man is crestfallen. "Look, I'm not asking for a big purchase," he says, "just enough to say that I actually made a sale here. Tell you what...just buy enough ribbon to stretch from the tip of my nose to the tip of my penis...and I'll be happy."
The head buyer chuckles and thinks to himself: I like this old codger. What the hell, I'll buy a yard of ribbon and pay for it out of my own pocket, if I have to.
"Sure," he says. "Have the ribbon here tomorrow and I'll write you a check."
The old man's face lights up, and he thanks the buyer profusely.
Next day, a huge truck pulls up and starts unloading case after case of ribbon. The old man goes into the head buyer's office to get his check, and the buyer is LIVID!
"What is this crap?" he yells at the old man. "I thought you just wanted me to buy enough ribbon to reach from the tip of your nose to the tip of your penis!"
"That's right," the old man says. "I'm Jewish, and I was born in Poland. I figure the tip of my penis is somewhere just outside of Warsaw."