Writers on Writing

My friend John Green who is a real writer posted a video (partly) containing his writing advice, and I had to make sure he wasn't going to say the thing I hate that writers always say:

lindsay: Before I watch your writing advice video, are you going to say something about how writers write because they can't do anything else well, because I hate that.
lindsay: I'll still love you just as much, but I hate that.
lindsay: as if strawberry pickers pick strawberries because it's what they do well.
lindsay: I guess I'll just watch it and see
lindsay: I almost went to Camp Eagle's Nest!
John: no, that's stupid. I say that the key to writing is "more elf"
John: Did you really? I wish you had gone because maybe you would have known tiffany!
lindsay: yeah, but my parents saw the brochure and it said that children were encouraged to commune with the fairies and sprites of the forest around the camp and they thought that was satanic so I went to (ultra-Christian camp) The Vineyard.
John: yeah that's true
John: we spent a lot of time with the fairies.
lindsay: your writing advice is very good
John: well it's better than "try everything else first"
John: how stupid is that?
lindsay: I know!! that's Lorrie Moore. And I love her, but.. it's so pretentious. Usually though, it's ONLY BAD WRITERS who say it.
John: Like, "Go mine coal And if you're not good at that, then you should write books."
lindsay: like "I'm special, this is all I can do, I can't wait tables"
John: F**k that. Writing is the FIRST thing you should try
lindsay: YES!!
John: It's so easy!
lindsay: hahaha
lindsay: I want to put up this conversation
lindsay: let's say more witty things
John: I think you should end it with "let's say more witty things"

DONE. Anyway, if you ever hear anyone say that they write because it's "all they can do", smack that person in the head with a busboy tray full of dirty dishes and wet used food. Thank you.

Comments

[Worker #3116]

I just imagine someone for whom writing is literally all they can do. Like, they have to lie in bed all day writing and people have to feed them and wash them and they can't even move. By my reasoning, Stephen King right after he got hit by that truck is the only true writer.

[John Green]

I was going to say that, by Gabe's reasoning, William T. Vollmann is also a true writer. But then I remembered that sometimes Vollmann takes breaks to make it with hookers.

p.s. I'm bringing "make it" back.

[Trevor]

There must be some limited number of names for church youth groups and camps. There was a Vineyard in my hometown. I had to go to Inheritance.

Also, it may be splitting hairs, but I thought Lorrie Moore said something more like "if you can think of anything else you might rather do, do that." I always thought of that as "never have a backup plan."

[whit]

We used to tell the kids at the theater school 1) if they could think of anything else they'd LIKE to do, then go do that and 2) if they had a fall-back plan, they'd use it. In other words, deciding to pursue a creative career will bring you nothing but shit and pain until you're successful, and the chances of success are miniscule, and really, wouldn't you rather be a veterinarian or something? So I think it's all in the way you parse it. I don't write because there's nothing else I could do. I write because if I was doing any one of those million other things I could do, I'd end up slitting my own wrists with a rusty busboy tray. Lucky for me, I get to make a living at this. Emphasis on lucky, I think.

Also, I sucked at theater just a little bit.

[lindsay]

I can totally see it that way and I don't really disagree with the concept (at least where it applies to people who are expecting a high level of financial success or fame for their trouble) but I just think there's no way to say it about *onesself* without sounding like an asshole.