Warning: Do Not Eat This New Product!

So you're probably like "Come ON, how can something made from Spinach, enriched wheat flour (wheat flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), artichoke hearts (artichoke hearts, water, salt, citric acid, ascorbic acid), water, Mozzarella cheese (pasteurized milk, salt, enzymes, cultures), corn oil with TBHQ for freshness, dry curd cottage cheese (pasteurized cultured skim milk, nonfat dry milk), wheat flour, cream cheese (pasteurized milk and cream, cheese culture, salt, carob bean gum), soy protein isolate, wheat protein, dried whey, sugar, contains two percent or less of egg whites, dextrose, salt, natural and artificial flavors, garlic, leavening (baking soda, sodium aluminum phosphate, sodium acid pyrophosphate), yellow corn flour, hydrogenated soybean oil†, methylcellulose, spices, paprika, lactic acid, hydrolyzed corn protein, disodium guanylate, disodium inosinate, cornstarch, onion, buttermilk, soybean oil, autolyzed yeast extract, carrageenan, vitamins and minerals (niacinamide, iron [ferrous sulfate], thiamin mononitrate [vitamin B1], pyridoxine hydrochloride [vitamin B6], riboflavin [vitamin B2], vitamin B12), nonfat dry milk, spice extractives, dough conditioners (ascorbic acid, l-cysteine monohydrochloride), monosodium phosphate, guar gum possibly taste so bad that your brain screamed "POISON! THIS IS POISON!" when you bit into it?"

But it did. And if you try it, you will see. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and you'll have the memory of that taste for the rest of your life.

(Also MorningStar farms CEO googling your products: I want a lifetime supply of various Chik for what I went through.)

Comments

[M]

I can't read this smug crap. Those look tasty.

[jen]

really?? the finished product is bad?
i was in a focus group for these about a year ago, and these and the corn/broccoli/cheese ones tasted good, i thought. odd.

[sarahjeanne]

I was so sad the first time I tried those! I'll stick with Quorn nuggets when i need something...nuggety.

[Mark Coatney]

Well, not to sound like everyone's mother here, but what did you expect? What's wrong with just eating spinach and artichokes?

[ze anner]

thank you for this public service announcement. i was thisclose to buying these the other day.

[DaveB]

I think you need a more refined pallate for methylcellulose. We had that shit on the lunch menu at Wharton.