It can't be all that pretty/when all of New York City misses you

MISSING

NAME: Stephanie Brooke Tillman

KNOWN ALIASES: "Stiff", "Tillface"

D.O.B.: August 14, 1977

HEIGHT: 5'7"

WEIGHT: Really f**king thin

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Tattoo of 3 blue stars in "bullseye" area

LAST SEEN: Late April 2006, drinking strawberry margaritas with friends at San Loco on Stanton Street the night before going to Europe for "one month."

SUSPECT:

  NAME: London, England

KNOWN ALIASES: "The Square Mile", "LDN", "Jolly Old England's Capital"

D.O.B.: 1066 or something

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS: A clock, a queen, a bridge, Topshop, bad food, a shit-ton of terrorists, hooligans, Lily Allen

REWARD: One Drink for anyone who convinces Stephanie to come home.

(HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STIFF!)