525,600 Minutes in Hell

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Saturday afternoon, when my friend E. suggested we get stoned and go see "Rent" I was all for it. I figured it would be unintentionally funny/campy etc. I was terribly misguided. Index:

Number of minutes that I had my hands over both my ears, total: Approx. 20
Number of times I whispered "get a fucking job!": 3
Number of times I said to E. "this is not a movie, this is an ASSAULT": 2
Amount of money I offered E. to walk out, 45 minute mark: $5
Amount I offered, 1 hour 45 minute mark: $10
Final offer, not accepted: $15
Number of minutes I spent applying lip gloss and messing with my hair in the bathroom during the movie in order to kill time: 3.5
Actors I needed to slap, in order of urgency: Idina Menzel, Anthony Rapp, and whoever played Angel.
Number of times I said "I don't think of it as a moviegoing experience so much as it was a terrible event that happened in my life.": at least 10

But whatever, I got what I deserved. At least the message of the movie came through: I now live each day as if it were the last one before I have to see that movie again!