"Florida is not Southern! If it wasn't one of the original colonies, it doesn't have (nearly) the same vibe. It doesn't even have an accent! Geography and sociology aren't interchangeable!
And your Tournament of Ex's thing: totally exploitative! And so unhealthy! Lay off the reality TV, for a little bit."
(My reply, and, um, I'm the first to admit I wasn't in a shit-taking mood yesterday afteroon. Normally I wouldn't answer.):
You're a moron. I grew up in Tallahassee, just ten short minutes from the GEORGIA border (half the people in my southern Pentacostal church lived in Thomasville, GA), in a neighborhood that was once a slave-owning cotton plantation, with an active Junior League and golf courses that only recently allowed black people. Tallahassee is far more Georgia than it is Florida. I've never even been to Miami (or below Tampa.) Tallahassee isn't near the beach, if that's what you think of when you think of FL. Oh, and we even had our very own chapter of the klu klux klan (ed: unfortunately). Why don't you do some research before you send emails like this one.
The Tallahassee accent is as thick as anything you'll hear in Alabama. Just call a random business in Tallahassee and listen to how they answer.
I'm sorry you don't like the tourney, but my email inbox says you're the only one...
SK's brilliant defense:
"No, I'm not a moron. Thanks, but I've probably been to better schools than you.
That's why I can understand you've just explained why it's exploitation: you're using other people to get attention for yourself. You seem to need a LOT of attention."
(Me): Actually, I dropped out of a terrible school, Florida State, so you've got me there! Where has it gotten you, then? And people were delighted to send in their stories of their exes. They did it willingly! What could be your problem with that?
Also, Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana weren't "part of the original colonies" so are you telling me they don't have "that same vibe"? I guess you didn't learn that at your superior school!
You're really out of your league here. Someone like you should probably be reallllly nice.
"WTF, psycho-bitch? I AM pretty nice. Not just fake nice so I can get ahead while actually being full of myself because I work at Comedy Central (ooooo...) and host prestigious "Ritalin Readings" and work on novels headed for the remainder bin.
Those of us who aren't from your shithole background don't think that makes you so fucking amazing. Especially given that you're not actually, um, funny.
Certain areas of the South do have different traditions - go back and read the article and see if she mentioned anyone from Florida, girl genius."
(I forwarded it to amuse my friends, but never wrote back. Gosh, maybe it's my shithole background but am I right about this person being a moron or what? I guess people who have time to send humorously ignorant hateful emails to total strangers are sort of self-selected to be retards. Incidentally, Round One of the Tournament of Exes continues today with judge Claire Zulkey!)
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