Last night I was reading one of my issues of Might Magazine, specifically Might #7: the Cheese Issue, and I realized that blogs didn't really exist then, but there's a lot of Blog Cheese out there. You know, the tired cliches, tackiness, presumption, bragging, self-indulgence or just proving you have your head so far up your ass your blog is technically a travel blog. Just off the top of my head (and I've been guilty of so many of these so I'm not making fun of anyone, seriously. Seriously, if you see yourself here, you see me and pretty much every other blogger - I used my own site for inspiration!)
Most of these are just cliches:
* Linking to the people you hung out with last night.
* Linking to the famous people you hung out with last night.
* Photos of you and your friends having fun last night.
* Photos of you having fun with famous people last night.
* Writing to someone to ask if you can link to them.
* Blogging drunk.
* Blogging drunk about how you shouldn't/never blog drunk.
* "Cryptic" blogging to seem mysterious.
* "Cryptic" blogging to send a secret message to someone.
* "Cryptic" blogging to seem cool. ("I can't really say anything about this right now, but big important things are happening to someone we all know.")
* Taking someone off your blogroll because they piss you off.
* Confronting someone at a party because they don't link to you.
* Introducing people at a party by their blog name.
* Having entries in your cellphone like "Mark Whatevs" and "Foxy Jess"
* Having your picture on your index page.
* Having a "pictures of me" page.
* Having a "pictures of me" page where all the pictures are clearly self-portraits.
* Posting pictures you took of people without asking their permission.
* Saying "I was approached by _______ who wanted me to post about _______"
* Blogging about your breakup.
* Blogging about your engagement.
* Blogging about your kid.
* Blogging about your bad mood/bad day/general ennui.
* Being "recognized."
* Blogging about being "recognized."
* Blogging about compliments you've gotten.
* Mentioning the amount of traffic you get.
* Mentioning the exact number of readers you have per day.
* Having stupid commenters.
* Having sycophantic commenters.
* Taking down all comments that aren't gushing about how wonderful you are.
* Blogging about how work sucks.
* Blogging about your pet.
* Blogging about the blogging award you got/were nominated for.
* Blogging about how drunk you got last night.
* Having, going to, or blogging about any sort of "blogger get-together", "blogger party" or "blogger bash."
* Selling t-shirts/mugs/stuffed animals with the name of your blog on them.
* Having a "guest blogger."
* Having a wishlist or asking for donations.
* Writing "I've been listening to (hip band's new album) for weeks and it's so great, it comes out today and you should pick it up."
* Linking to your own press.
* Not linking to your own press, but referring "cryptically" to it and mentioning how everyone else is linking to it and musing about how you "don't see what the big deal is."
* Accusing someone of stealing an idea from your blog even if it's the most commonplace, obvious joke about a situation that can be made.
* Blogging in the first-person plural.
* Posting song lyrics.
* Blogging previews. ("I'm going to watch "PoweRGirls" tonight; check back here tomorrow and I'll tell you what I thought about it.")
* Plugging your friend's stuff.
* Plugging your friend's stuff that sucks, and not specifically saying it's good. "You should all buy my friend's band Mouthfeel's new record."
* Posting about an event instead of going to it. ("Unfortunately I can't make it, but you should all go see my friend read from his book about growing up in the suburbs.")
* Blogging about search terms that brought people to your site.
* Blogging about your dates.
* Blogging about your sexual tastes/prowess/activities of the last evening.
* Posting IM conversations.
* Making fun of how the New York Times is always behind on every trend.
* Having advertisers.
* Not having advertisers for a spelled-out reason (ie, any other reason than just being lazy, not caring.)
* Blogging about how much traffic you've gotten since you received a link from a much bigger blog.
* Blogging about how much traffic you've gotten since you received a link from a much bigger blog, and saying "Welcome (much bigger blog) readers!"
* Blogging about hipsters or the LES.
* Inventing a nickname for your significant other that you use only on your blog. ("Last night, The Asspounder and I had dinner at a cute little place in the West Village...")
* Inventing nicknames for all your friends on your blog. ("Last night, GirlySue, Desperatina, and the rest of the Tribe went out for decadent deserts to commisserate about how there are no good men out there.")
* Blogging about the restaurants and bars you frequent.
* Blogging from a restaurant or bar.
* Starting a post with, "Everyone in the blogosphere has been buzzing about..."
* Saying "blogosphere." Ever. Even ironically.
* Posting pictures that you've taken of your TV.
* Talking about how much you love Tivo/DVR.
* Calling Tivo/DVR "My new boyfriend."
* Putting your iPOD on random and posting the songs it plays.
* Posting anything about your iPOD.
* Posting about things you've recently purchased.
* Posting about things you've recently received. ("Random House sent me a copy of the new David Foster Wallace...")
* Referring to any blogger as "famous."
* Blogging about Coachella.
* Going to Coachella.
* Going to a "secret show" and blogging about it the next day. ("It was so hard to keep the secret, but Julian made me pinkie-swear.")
* Blog "feuds."
* Having an anonymous blog.
* "Coming out" from your anonymous blog.
* Going on "hiatus."
* Coming back from "hiatus."
* The use, ever, of the term "guest list."
* Blogging about your trip to (Prague, Costa Rica, Iceland.)
* Having a blog that never links to anything except your friends blogs that don't link to anything except their friend's blogs, etc.
* Posting anything that requires a "jump."
* Posting a year-end best-of list.
* Apologizing for not posting your year-end best-of list sooner.
* Apologizing for not blogging for a while.
* Apologizing for not blogging for a while because "things have been crazy - I can't talk about it yet but suffice it to say, I've already mentally spent the advance money, lol!"
* Friendster. Dodgeball. Flickr. Myspace.
* Blogging about the epiphany you had last night about yourself and your life.
* Posting your results from online personality tests.
* Participating in any blogging "meme" ("Write down the first three venereal diseases that pop into your head.")
* Using the word "meme."
* Blogging about how it's been so long since you've dated/had sex and how you don't care.
* Blogging about natural disasters and pointing out how terrible they are for the people involved.
* Blogging about George W.Bush.
* Blogging about weight gain / weight loss / gym membership / ice-cream binges.
* Posting solely to wish a friend happy birthday.
* Linking to something on another site and bragging that you "helped."
* Blogging about the stupid ideas you got when you smoked pot and watched reality TV last night.
* Having a regular feature on your blog about the ideas you get when you smoke pot.
And, finally...
* Blogging about blogging.
(With help from Alex TMFTML )
(If you think of more, send 'em...)
How about blogging a memorial every time any celebrity dies?
Posted by: collegecallgirl | August 28, 2007 at 05:58 PM
Blog Cliche #1,000,000: Thinking you're such an authority about blogs that you decide what is and isn't cool to blog about.
After this list, the only thing left is celery. And Buddhism.
Posted by: Ha Ha Sound | August 29, 2007 at 12:00 PM
I haven't read this post in over two years, but thanks for the criticism.
Posted by: lindsay robertson | August 29, 2007 at 12:13 PM