Things My Best Friend Has Tried To Get Me To Believe

That Julia Roberts has two noses. That Southerners eat French Toast with Tobasco sauce and salt. That there was an Olympic runner in the 80's named "Labia Johnson-Thomas." That the tragedy in Southeast Asia would lead to a worldwide shortage of "Jello and gelatin-containing products." That chewing gum is made out of whale blubber. That guys like girls who have lisps, because it reminds them of oral sex. That Ronald Reagan's mother was Black. That irony was invented in 1957 in Secaucus, New Jersey.