Me last night: So all that Spitzer stuff, huh? Stephanie, running in from the other room: Spencer?? Me: Spitzer. The Governor. Stephanie: Oh, yeah, I know all about that. I thought Spencer Pratt did something.
Tonight on NBC. I'm starting to think that two joke-ideas for reality shows I had might actually be viable:
"The Popularity Contest": cliques from different high schools compete to be voted the Most Popular Kids in America. Before the vote begins each week, the host says "And remember: this IS a popularity contest."
"World's Greatest Grandpa/Grandma": based on cookies and model train assembly or something. I actually think every living person has thought of this, but now it could be reality.
Stephen Colbert Neutral Milk Hotel My Friend Stephanie aka "Stiff" (if you know her)
Last week, Stephanie went to see The Colbert Report live. What follows is an instant-message re-enactment of our real-life conversation after the show:
Me: How was Colbert? Stephanie: AMAZING!!! OH MY GOD STEPHEN SANG NEUTRAL MILK HOTEL TO ME! Me: What?? (Beatlemania screaming face, actual screaming, etc)
Here are the facts as we know them. Between segments, the Neutral Milk Hotel song "Holland 1945" came on (as, apparently, it often does) and Stephanie began absentmindedly lip-synching along to it. A few seconds into the song, she realized Stephen was pointing at her and singing along. According to witnesses, Stephen and Stephanie continued to sing along to the song while making eye contact for over a minute until their reverie was interrupted by the end of the commercial break. During this time, Stephen:
- Appeared to know all of the words to the song. - Moved his head to look around a producer when his eye contact with Stephanie was briefly blocked. - Acknowledged his and Stephanie's mutual understanding of the sad nature of the song, which is about Anne Frank, by making a "sad face" and tracing the motion of an invisible tear down his cheek. Stephanie, in kind, mimicked this motion back to Stephen.
In Stephanie's words: "I can die now."
Geoff, a sketch comedian who attended the show with Stephanie and witnessed the event, had this to say:
"It was magical. Neutral Milk Hotel was playing, Stephanie was singing, I was singing. Then I looked up and noticed Stephen was singing. Then I saw that he was singing in my general direction, so I looked to my right and realized that he and Stephanie were singing to each other. So I told Stephanie, "Hey, Stephen Colbert is singing to you!" and she did her best job of shushing me while continuing to sing Neutral Milk Hotel with Stephen. I was about 15 seconds behind on all fronts. But still, pretty awesome."
Here is our very most favorite picture of Stephen:
Hatewatch, v, to watch something bad just to hate it (usually with friends): "The other day I was hatewatching Cashmere Mafia and I realized that the portrayal of gay men on those shows is not unlike the portrayal of African American mammies in films such as Gone with the Wind."
(For all I know this is a common term, because it's impossible to Google, but I just used it today in a fan email to Rich Four Four about this awesome blog post (and about Cashmere Mafia, obvs.)
Yah, I toah-tally got this spam from Clinique just now: "Meet Whitney Port! December 14 from 1-2 pm on the third floor of Bloomingdales 59th Street. When you purchase Clinique Happy 3.4 ounce, make it a special customized gift by adding a picture of you and reality tv star Whitney Port!"
As tempted as I am to make "special customized gifts" of sure-to-be-treasured pictures of myself with Whitney for all of my friends, Clinique Happy smells like a forgotten orange left over the weekend in a second grader's lunch box.
Totally related: This American Life's classic show about summer camp culture. Particularly applicable, the last segment, "Color Days". Also, it's been bothering me for like 10 years so I'm just going to say it: that kid they interviewed in the beginning DID NOT invent saying "woo" during the birthday song. We did that at my camp in 1989. I'm just saying. That kid is lying.
Also (slight spoiler alert) I have a witness who will, if called to the stand, testify that when the kids were offered a choice of rewards, I said "Another outhouse or a TV!" (It turned out to be another 7 outhouses or a TV.)