Lindsayism.com

Somebody Stayed In Tonight...

Ah, sad old abandoned Lindsayism.com, it's like when you start a new relationship and lose your own identity for a while. Every single day I save a bunch of things I read and enjoyed that I couldn't put on Videogum because they don't contain a "video element." Here are some from todayish.

* The Paparazzi Proof Tower: 2008's low-stakes version of the Titanic. (And yeah, like anyone followed by the paparazzi wants a shared pool.)

* The Face Your Manga app is big, duh. I started to do one and then thought I don't want to make my own, I want a friend to make mine and for me to make theirs. It's so fraught from both sides, it's like, real art or something! Also: why so many different kinds of mullet?

* Last night a friend visiting from San Francisco bought me a shot of this stuff: Fernet. It's very old and surely very famous, but it was new to me. I thought I would be all cool so I grabbed it out of her hand and threw it back. It tastes like 1000 aspirin dissolved in 1 ounce of Robitussin without the sweetness or point. I know this story sucks, but I've been obsessed with it all day. I was like a lemon baby for a full five minutes. I was like Laura on Little House when Mr. Edwards gave her the malaria medicine. I could go on for hours. (And I have, in internet-time.)

* Spencer Sloan never ceases to find new ways to be the best. Related: coincidentally obsessed with any and all movies based in the '80s in New York these days.

* Wine in a box: will it ever catch on for real? I buy my boxed wine at Vintage on Smith Street. Perfect for picnics and outdoor movies. (2008 bonus: you can say you're being "green" when really you're being cheap! There are so many new things like that in 2008.)

* Have you ever forced yourself to care about something because you had to, and then after a while you started actually caring? That's me with Mad Men. It's like what old grandmothers said about arranged marriages back in whenever: "You will grow to love him. The love will come." I am so deeply obsessed with Mad Men right now it's starting to taste like violence. (I started to use a crass term for "deeply obsessed with" but I just can't do it.)

* And one more of those plug-type links: Gabe's stuff makes me laugh out loud several times per day, every day, most recently late this afternoon: "Come over here and get your viewers."

NMH, Yelp, Lizzie Saves Day

* Ten years of Aeroplane. Really really good.

* I haven't read a lot of this "Yelp" business, but I am a huge Amy Blair fan: her new column for Eater LA: The Week in Yelp.

* Just another reason I wouldn't want to live in a world without Lizzie Skurnick.

Purple Winslet

* My friend Rex Sorgatz of Fimoculous is guest-co-editing Gawker this week. (Also, welcome to New York, Rex!)

* This correction was pretty much the most interesting thing in yesterday's NY Times.

* Virginia Heffernan calls the Bachelor out on lying (sort of) to Jimmy Kimmel about finding love on the show.

* I got my Golden Fiddle tshirt last week and have worn it pretty much constantly ever since.

But "Throw Momma From the Train" IS a Great Film

REAL QUICK:

* My Kid Nation thing on Vulture.

* Gabe's Kid Nation thing on HuffPo.

* Kid Nation Host Jonathan Karsh's outdated IMDB bio. (He's 2 degrees away from "The View" host "Barbara Wallace!")

* Huge congrats to Claire Zulkey on her BOOK DEAL!!

* TheDailyShow.com launched today with the almost-complete Jon Stewart-hosted archive, all web-2.0'd up. It's a pretty awesome site.

Off the Top of My RSS Reader...

* And this holiday's Holiday Celebrity Breakup Announcement Is: Heath and Michelle. The "if they can't make it" joke doesn't work anymore even as a joke. Long relationships are for the nonfamous (or "fame-free") And don't give me Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward. It's a different age. And don't give me no it's not. It is.

* Out on DVD this week:

30 Rock Season 1. I'm having trouble even talking to people who don't watch 30 Rock! Get a TV, seriously.

The Black Donnellys: The Complete Series. Well, that's one way of putting it.

Flower versus LC? No Contest. Meerkat Wins.

* A very cool Vulture post about how every movie trailer is using the theme from "Brazil" lately (with video). Awesome catch! Sort of on topic: I have a huge pet peeve with copycat "American Beauty" music (and in some cases, the original score) being used CONSTANTLY everywhere from commercials to TV shows to 48 Hours Mystery. It's been 9 years since that movie came out - don't we have another way of evoking the sinister element that lurks behind the tranquility of suburbia by now? It's just lazy. Even the Little Children score was similar (and I loved that movie.)

* Claire Zulkey is quoted in this AP story about hardcover books versus paperback. I hate lugging a hardcover around and wish every book came out in both versions (it seems from the article that they soon will, though.)

* I know I'm years late on this, but I am suddenly and completely addicted to Meerkat Manor. The anthropomorphism makes me giggle (the Meerkats are presented as "hoping", "dreaming", "remembering", "realizing", etc) but I still fall for it. Best celebreality show on TV! (And when you think about it, the Meerkats are as or more capable of complex reasoning and self-awareness as those girls on The Hills.)

* Twitter at the VMAs: I am thinking: the amount of time between 'nerd-buzz' and 'MTV sellout' is getting closer and closer to a literal 15 minutes. 

Fair Use and Bikes

* Virginia Heffernan forced to interview the Evil One:
"I’m looking at it, cropping it, resizing it, drawing on it, making it my own.”
That's so weird that he said that to the Times and that's also coincidentally going to be his defense in the lawsuits against him! Funny!

* "What Eats, Doesn't Shoot, and Leaves" : And you thought your last group hug was awkward!

* The Top Ten Comedy Sketches of All Time (One message boarder's opinion, but a good list nonetheless)  I'm firmly in "The Audition" camp for Mr. Show though, as I keep mentioning over and over as if anyone cares.

* Guess what? I've been hanging out with kids who ride bikes and now I want one too!! Mine got stolen a few years ago and I never replaced it. This one will get stolen too because I'm going to keep it on the street (5th floor walkup), so does anyone have an old crappy one they want to sell me for cheap? If so: email me!

Unintentionally Funny All Over the Place

* There is a guy counting to a million. Of course. Gabe: "Our children are going to hate us so hard for the way we wasted the internet." Also Gabe: "I'm excited for when we put the internet in the garbage and walk away" (but he says this every time I send him a link to anything.)

* Arthur Bradford plays a practical joke at a wedding, and it is funny.

* Top 10 Unintentionally Funny TV Intros. (via Last Stop)

* 100 Things Funny: "Connie, the oldest horse said "Let's play a drinking game and a smoking game" (Update: Link fixed)

"She was facing away from him at the time"

* Thingstheyshouldinvent.com

* I have a favorite pair of boobs on Jane Magazine's boob slideshow (what, you don't?): Jules
I want her to design me some jewelry! Literally! I like free stuff.

* Totally gross sad awesome story about a silly girl who did it with Jared L.  (Thanks, Kambri!)

"thank you morningstar farms"

• Spellcheck auto-correct leads to hilarious typo in professional email.
• I thought the Gawkers would have fun with that cat-psychic article yesterday. (Also, that Emily would kind of believe in it a little.)
• Kambri in the Post with her rabbit, Maybelline.
• But is he related to JEFF Mangum?
• Gabe this weekend: "My friend Peter made a ski bike. It's a bike with the front wheel  replaced with a ski and it's awesome."
  Me this weekend: "Your friend Peter is going to die."
• Video: turns out it's for cross-country, not downhill skiing. Hilarious. (Mary Mouse, be sure to watch until the end!)

easy-blog oven

* Grambo hates the Claire Danes/Patrick Wilson Gap commercial too. (video) So, whatevs, he doesn't "like everything" after all.

* Librivox: free mp3 audiobooks in the public domain; encourages users to record PD audiobooks and send them in. Which makes me want to do a prank. But I won't. (via Lifehacker)

* Thing I said last night to friend who was sending me the link to a music-sharing site: "ooh, thanks. I've wanted to hear Fall Out Boy ever since Sasha Frere-Jones' New Yorker article this week." This is exactly what an old person would say. (Also, how did I live with Miss Ultra for two years and never hear a Fall Out Boy song (to my knowledge)?)

* Steven Coogan will be on Curb Your Enthusiasm? Yay!

* Everyone who is going to SXSW, have a great time! That said, everyone who is marketing SXSW-related shows to me 100 times a day: this is not a music blog.

* aLIVE from New York discovered the set of The Bourne Ultimatum and took photos. I don't care about that movie, really, but the pictures are beautiful.

* American Beauty (and Forrest Gump!), redeemed.

* "Start with talent, and you get The Daily Show. Start with a "target audience," and you get The 1/2 Hour News Hour. Start with talent, and you get Saturday Night Live. Start with a "target audience," and you get Mad TV." Word.

Links.

* Emily Magazine is un-hacked! Thanks, Dean!

* I like: Thingsmyboyfriendsays (via fimoculous) Here's a Thing My Ex Boyfriend Said that still cracks me up:

"I'm going to start a side project band called 'Fudgy the Whale: The Cake: The Band'."

* I'm now not sure if I'm on Team Pam or Team Karen anymore. Pam needs to grow some balls. Either way, Team Pam and Team Karen shirts are still selling like hotcakes over at Zulkey.com. (And check out Zulkey's new Office column for the L.A. Times, linked there.)

* Patton Oswalt's Two Favorite Movies of 2006: Children of Men and United 93.

* SNL wasn't that bad Saturday. For some reason the Digital Short ('Nurse Nancy', in my opinion the funniest one yet) doesn't seem to be up, but TV Funhouse and "Really?!" were hilarious and they're both up here.

What's In Your Wallet, It's Not Capital One

* Some things never get old, like the Scared of Santa gallery. (I'd be scared of that one, too.)

* Video: David Cross hilariously skewers that banker guy who sang "One." (I loved that he actually memorized the words.)

* When you saw the Brian Atene Kubrick audition video on YouTube a few weeks ago, did you wonder if he was still alive somewhere in the world? Well, wonder no more (and no, this isn't the parody. This is the real, actual, 43-year-old Brian Atene.)

* 'SYNERGY' ALERT!!! Stephen Colbert was the guest at my estranged alma mater this weekend, and somehow the video ended up on the Comedy Central Blog. Which I keep linking to today because it rocks today, okay?

* As of last night: Team Pam: 84%. Team Karen: 16%. In related news: I am sooooo happy that I'm going to be the Team Pam Office Fangirl for the rest of my life, when really it's just a funny TV show and I don't actually care. I change my mind Claire: gimme some of that shirt money. Seriously.

Two Links.

* Nice practical joke: Your New Monkey

* Steve Carell says "whatevs."

Darkness Has a Hunger That's Insatiable

Today's Jane Magazine guest blog post: Unrelated Links: I Drank From the Fountain, Bitches!

late links

Why do I hate having my photo taken at parties? Because when given the choice of three decent photos and one in which I look like a retard, my blogger friends will always choose retard It's almost like a little inside joke at this point. (But in all seriousness, huge congratulations to Will Leitch, whose success couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.) But you know, whatever, I've had an epiphany about the photo thing: nobody f**king gives a sh*t what I look like, so bring it on.

Corporate Schilling: Video: The Reverend Fred "God Hates Fags" Phelps blasts Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert for being "Godless Sodomites". The Comedy Central blog scooped the world on this one. Go team!

Aww, darn, I guess now we all have to cross Fred Durst off our "lists".

Weatherman vs Cockroach: I got wayyy to much pleasure out of this.

secondary virginity

Hysterical: a look at the evolution of Chuck Klosterman's author photos, by Doree Shafrir.

Via Emily: FourFour puts Living Dolls, the shocking and heartbreaking expose of Southern child beauty pageants, up in its entirety.

After six years, my first bio page.

Have a nice weekend! When I come back on Tuesday I'll be guest blogging on Janemag.com again for the month of September (update: moved to Monday 9/11), but there will still be stuff here.

Also, if anyone out there thinks they know a way to help me set up *true* domain mapping between my hosting company and typepad (right now lindsayism.com just points here, messing up all the archive posts. The two sites are not truly mapped.), please let me know.

boredgirl29

• Can someone just explain to me in one paragraph who and what lonelygirl15 is because unlike (apparently) the rest of the internet, I just really don't have the time to watch/obsess about a bunch of unfunny videos. I'm totally sick of it but I don't even know what it is. Like Rocketboom last month. I'm completely serious: explain it.
• Watch the second episode of American Cookbook on Channel 102. Because it's funny and my coworkers made it (but really, it's funny.)
• "Excuse me, but do you happen to have any corny jokes based on 1980's commercials?" Why, yes.
• "No Flour, No Sugar" ...No need for a book.
• Video: This isn't interesting because it's an interview with JonBenet Ramsey's beauty queen best friend all grown up. It's interesting because HER NAME IS 'THUMPER'!!! (!!!!!!!!!)

"I just thought you'd want to help other victims"

* This is just really fun: watch celebrity babies morph into their future selves. It's all forensic and sh*t!

* The Onion: Wikipedia Celebrates 750 Years of US Independence.

* Sarah Brown's Cringe Reading Series to be filmed by Nightline next week! AHHHHH!!!

* This is a few days old but if you hate Nancy Grace with the same violent-fantasy-inducing passion that I do, you'll love watching Elizabeth Smart roll her eyes at her and put her in her place. (But it will still make you mad.)

* Breaking bad habits with rubber band aversion therapy. This reminds me of the time one of my friends broke up with some asshole in college. Like most girls with long hair, this friend always wore a ponytail holder on her right wrist. We were sitting at a coffee shop and she said "It's just that I still think about him all the time."
"Are you thinking about him right now?" I asked. "Yeah." she said. So I reached over, grabbed the ponytail holder, and snapped it back.
Hey, they never got back together and she's now happily engaged, with a new baby. Point: aversion therapy works (except when applied to my nailbiting.)

* My friend John Green, who is kind of a totally huge deal in the world of Young Adult books (and in my life, aww) humorously answers questions about "The OC"'s Josh Schwartz's upcoming movie version of John's first book, Looking For Alaska, and about The Problem of (Hollywood) Evil. (Incidentally, I just finished John's second book, An Abundance of Katherines, which comes out in September and is awesome, but it will have it's own gushy post closer to the pub date.)

occasional pot smoker still has job; friends call it "miracle"

* Hot Topic is selling buttons that say "Pink Is the New Stupid." Seriously. (via thighswideshut)

* Surprise, not The Onion: "Miracle Child" of Public Drinker Gets Full Scholarship to MIT

* There is something extremely relaxing about watching this elephant-sanctuary live streaming video.

* Emily: "I can't believe they think I'm a yuppie!"

unauthorized

* This is old, but I just saw it: Ellen Pompeo being Punk'd. What an asshole! (And it's interesting that she makes fun of the waitress's makeup, since in every episode of Grey's Anatomy she looks like someone rubbed Cheetos all over her face.)

* Stephen Colbert, made out of Legos!

quitters never win

* Because sometimes something parodies itself so well that there's simply nothing left to say.

* Chicago comedy fans, you now have your own Apiary outpost: The Bastion

* The UK Office cast to cameo on the US Office: "Dare we expect a Gareth vs. Dwight showdown?"

* It's about damn time someone made a movie of Into the Wild, even if that person is Sean Penn.

* "What planet is (Dave Chappelle) living on?" AMEN.

rated arrrrrr

* The hilarious Mandy Stadtmiller reviews "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Pirates"

* For others who are Glamour-Shots-obsessed: The Glamster Dance! Related: my old Glamour Shots.

* Ikeahacker

* Speaking of pirates, next Tuesday is the Hamstravaganza, a ham-and-pirate-themed party on a boat with comedians.

omg

(Spencer Sloan is now guest blogging at Janemag.com, and I'm back hobby-blogging here.)

Spencey's made Namibia is for Lovers shirts, and they're niiice. And funny.

My friend Claire says she's going to buy me one of these necklaces. LOL.

I like to watch people fall. Admit it, so do you.

Scouting Magazine Anti-Caption Contest!