Lindsayism.com

Not Even Far-Fetched

Inhaling Pig Brains May Be Cause of New Illness, Is Hottest New Culinary Trend

Talk About the Long Tail!!

Out on DVD today: Reach Out to Natural Horsemanship: Uncovering the Art of Long Lining (2007)

(Yes, groan.) I don't think they're gonna need the (2007)

Facebook Gifts Are Made In Sweatshops!!

Okay, first, and this is weird, I'm kind of into Facebook. Not the applications or anything, just for keeping track of my friends. Anyway, I am obsessed with Facebook gifts and nobody in my life cares but I have a blog, so I'm going to talk about it here.

Everyone knows Facebook gifts are stupid (for the non-facebookers: they're tiny jpg images that cost a dollar each to give), but yesterday's was a camera. A CAMERA!!! (it looked very similar to this):

I can almost understand a teddy bear or a martini glass (but not really), but a CAMERA? A camera is a tool. You may as well give someone a picture of a pencil sharpener.

I was going off about the stupidity of Facebook gifts to Gabe a few weeks ago and he mentioned his fascination with "the false economy of facebook gifts" -- like, you know how only a certain number are "available"? Even though that doesn't make sense? So that gave me an idea for a Facebook group: Facebook Gifts Are Made In Sweatshops!!! (Yes, I'm the only member.)

Richard Jewell Has Died and It Is Very Sad

Poor guy. You know who probably killed him? Richard Jewell!!

You're Not Fooling Anyone, Polar Bear

I got my New Yorker late this week and did a double take when I saw the cover:

Snowclones are the New Joke Templates

(...At least in my head)

Today I learned from the Mental Floss blog that the things I refer to as "joke templates" actually have a real name: snowclones. And a wikipedia entry.

Here are a few that I don't see on there:

"There but for the grace of God goes X" (X being "person more ridiculous than person being described", based on "There but for the grace of God goes John Ritter", which I believe was used to describe Dan Quayle in the early 90's but I can't find it on Google! I use this a lot.)

"First they came for the X but I was not an X so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Y but I was not a Y..." Famous quote from a poem about Germans before WWII, attributed here. I first saw this used as a joke template  snowclone on Gawker in 2003 or 2004 by Choire Sicha and thought it was hilarious, but now I can't even find it because it's been imitated so many times (I'm not saying Choire originated its re-appropriation, but it was the first time I saw it used and have seen it a MILLION times since.)

"X, so much to answer for." (obvs)

"I Xd in my Y a little"  or  "I Xd a little bit in my Y" (obvs)

"Oh yes, there will be X" (Tagline for Saw II: "Oh yes, there will be blood.") This has been done to death, so to speak, including by me. I think there could actually be a cookie shop called "Oh Yes, There Will Be Cookies"  by this point. (Immediate self-correction: what I just said is too close to this for coincidence. Oops.)

I'm going to keep an eye out for more (but I stop short at doing whatever one needs to do to edit wikipedia entries. I have a job.)

Oh, Nooooo!

Everyone's talking about the hot Snorg Tees girl, but what about the Snorg Tees guy?   

yes it took me over 2 weeks to make this joke

bligger

-noun, Slang.

An African American who is primarily into indie rock, but who appreciates hip hop music ironically.

Origins:

- Blipster

- Wigger

A: Love Is... is Forever

My Chicago friend Stevie introduced me to the wonder that is the endlessly-running "comic" strip 'Love Is...' Yesterday she sent out an email titled "Worst Love Is in Years and Years" with a link to this one.

Today, after I begged her to apply her photoshop skills, she made a minor tweak:

(Nice filename joke, too. Thanks, Stevie!)

(Yeah, I know someone did Love Is... captions a few years ago, but I don't have that kind of Google time today.)

(Title hint: Old joke: Q: what's the difference between love and herpes? A: herpes is forever. I admit, it was a convoluted allusion.)

Darkness Has a Hunger That's Insatiable

Today's Jane Magazine guest blog post: Unrelated Links: I Drank From the Fountain, Bitches!