"after an hour, shit got lame": the best link ever

There are certain moments, as a blogger, when one stumbles upon, quite accidentally, a spot on the internet, a link, a thing, that is so magnificent, so unintentionally genius, so of the zeitgeist, so transcendent of anything one would ever come across intentionally in one's meticulously Google-Reader-tagged world, that one is faced with the dilemma of wanting to keep it, to jealously hoard it to oneself, to write an entire novel in the voice of the Tom-Perotta's-Election-esque character who so un-self-awarely shared it with the world before anyone else gets that idea too and actually does it, to read aloud from it on stage at one's next Ritalin Reading, if one co-hosts such a reading series, to print it out and memorize every word, to marvel at its utter perfection as a piece of satire, in this very time and place, this April 2007 of our lives, and to wonder: will I ever create something as good as this, including gardens, friendships, and/or children?

And yet, here it is, come to me (from Jesus in Heaven) via a lowly Technorati RSS feed for a certain phrase, the name of a company, that need not be specified here because it's irrelevant. 

After making this discovery last night, I was at first eager to share it as soon as possible...but then the jealousy crept in, and I decided to sleep on it. When I awoke, however, I sprang from my bed with but one dilemma in mind: should I enumerate this thing's charms so that you, the reader, knows what this is about and why you should click and why you should read such a very long (too long, but in that genius way) thing just because I tell you to in such a long (too long, in that annoying way) setup? Or should I be as generous as possible, allowing you to, as I did, discover each transcendent sentence and feel, as I did, the pure delight, the joy, the howling with laughter, the "Everyone involved in this is so ridiculous"-ness that only a reading with fresh eyes could entail? (See again: Tom Perotta's Election, but for the internet.)

I've decided on the latter. So here it is, this long, overly set-up thing, for only the most curious of readers, something that for the sake of not wanting any of these clearly insane people to stalk me or contact me or know I exist I will simply call "'Strong Woman': A Blog Post Without a Hero."

I will now leave you to your discoveries and your private delight, and hope against hope that MySpace blogs don't track referrers. Also, be sure to read the comments.

Love,

Lindsay

Related: Tom Perotta's Election (which I happen to have just re-read for the 20th time this week and which is more genius with each reading.)

Comments

[matt]

"do you know how difficult it is right now to not be kind of mad over the fact that this dude is NOTHING like what his persona is in his novel?" Umm, did you read his novel or his website? The guy personifies all the things that are wrong with, well, screw it: he's a total douche. This is a great link, Lindsay.

[sylvia plath]

anyone who spells that name with a y cannot be trusted. also, teat is spelled with an a. i think this girl has a twin in NC. she reminds me so much of a girl i met and decided in a brief moment of insanity to befriend at a concert. thank God that moment is over.

[josh]

thank you thank you thank you. the quote about dave matthews makes this truly advanced.

[Sean]

There is no hope for our youth.

[Carol]

That. Was. Awesome.
I paticularly liked this part: "i knew it was just tricks.or it was probably because i got drunk earlier in the day, did a rail, drank some kava (kava is a natural plant root that you shake up with water. it tastes like Earth and you normally need a chaser, but the effects are very calming and numbing. it helps out with anxiety), and was in a more mellow and relaxed state of mind."

[Mark Coatney]

Wtf? She turned her blog to private. Crap--there are about eight people I want to show this too. Anybody make a copy?

[chrystine]

I put up a copy here: http://takendownlink.blogspot.com/

I love you. I didn't know at first who was more odious, the Dethroned Douche or the girl who wanted to sleep with him in the first place, but I'm hoping maybe she's young enough that she'll figure something out as she goes?
God save the children!