Lindsayism.com

failure to laugh

I'm such a Patton Oswalt completist that I netflixed and watched Failure to Launch last weekend. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Patton's 40 seconds are (the only) funny 40 seconds, though.)

That's it. That's my blog post. I just want to cover up Britney (don't we all.)

duh, but necessary: this link contains unfortunate naked pictures

Britney Spears: If I Had a Vagina, Here's What It Would Look Like

holy moby in a snowglobe with cinnabon sauce!

I know this is terrible, but when I glanced at the photo on the left here my first thought really truly was "That picture is my review of The Fountain."

temmmmpting. but no.

Friend: Do you want Jared Leto's email address for any reason?
Lindsay: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Lindsay: no. but that's funny.
Friend: I thought you'd like it.

(It would sort of be fun to pretend to be Lohan with a new email address or something totally awesome and wrong like that, but despite what all the Team Pam stuff and whatnot might indicate lately, I do actually have a life.)

I am the World's Greatest Grandpa

* Wow. My gynecologist is a really good person. Still, weird to see her on page 1 of the Times first thing Thursday morning.

* I still don't understand livejournal, but nice Dwight animated gif (shown to me by fiddle)

* On tonight's How I Met Your Mother: Wayne Brady guest stars as Barney's gay black brother, which will almost certainly not be as shark-jumpy as it sounds. I trust them.

* I spent a lovely Thanksgiving in NJ with Kerry and Mark at Kerry's parents' house. And thanks to Kerry's Mom and an adorable mix-up caused by a misleading photo on the outside of the box, I'm now the proud owner of a World's Greatest Grandpa mug. I didn't even have to purchase it ironically! I brought it to work so I can trump the guy with the Initech mug at the next staff meeting.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I don't usually get serious, personal, or sentimental on this site, but I feel that, this time of year, it's important that we each take some time to be thankful for the people in our lives who ---- JK! Here's a dirty video from Planned Parenthood.

Seeya Monday!

Save Until Manually Erased

I think we can all agree: last night's episode of How I Met Your Mother was, hands down, the BEST EVER.

I've never watched an entire episode of a tv show on the internet before in my entire life, but as Slap Bet Commissioner, I demand you watch it. (You can watch the whole thing for free here, click the innertube link on the right upper corner.)

(Most of) that special, special video after the jump (spoiler alert! watch the show first.)

Make it sparkle!

because this sometimes works...

Is anyone DRIVING to Florida for Christmas? Me and two nice, polite, licensed-to-drive friends are lookin' to hitch a ride and there are no rental cars left. We'll pay for everything and share driving, and are flexible on dates. If anyone has a lead, email me.

Oh, but one thing we're not flexible on:

Minimum two stops at the 'Barrel.

What's In Your Wallet, It's Not Capital One

* Some things never get old, like the Scared of Santa gallery. (I'd be scared of that one, too.)

* Video: David Cross hilariously skewers that banker guy who sang "One." (I loved that he actually memorized the words.)

* When you saw the Brian Atene Kubrick audition video on YouTube a few weeks ago, did you wonder if he was still alive somewhere in the world? Well, wonder no more (and no, this isn't the parody. This is the real, actual, 43-year-old Brian Atene.)

* 'SYNERGY' ALERT!!! Stephen Colbert was the guest at my estranged alma mater this weekend, and somehow the video ended up on the Comedy Central Blog. Which I keep linking to today because it rocks today, okay?

* As of last night: Team Pam: 84%. Team Karen: 16%. In related news: I am sooooo happy that I'm going to be the Team Pam Office Fangirl for the rest of my life, when really it's just a funny TV show and I don't actually care. I change my mind Claire: gimme some of that shirt money. Seriously.

and...scene!

A good friend of mine just tearfully admitted that she's never seen Mr Show. I said "Shhh, baby, it's okay, relax, I have all the DVDs, we'll have a little party and I'll cue up my favorites...BUT YOU HAVE TO LOVE IT OR WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS, CAPISCE?"

So anyway, I found one of my favorite sketches (and I believe, by consensus on nerdy comedy message boards I don't like to admit I read, the most classic Mr Show sketch of all.): THE AUDITION

(Also, I absolutely love it when I'm at work and I use the "are you using this chair" line at the beginning of a meeting and the person I'm talking to says "do you need it? For the audition?" Okay, it's happened exactly once but I still love it.)

oh me of little capitalist impulses

So I guess that little "jokey" Team Pam vs Team Karen thing Zulkey and I put up Monday has kind of taken off. And, of course, I was the one who was all "No, let's not really do t-shirts, I'm poor, I eat ramen, I'm not putting up any money, wah wah wah".

Anyway, in the interest of getting your shirt asap and Miss Claire (and t-shirt impresario Steve) breaking even:

Order your shirt now! (Paypal, $15 + $4 shipping)

(They're sending out the first batch today!)

And by the way? Pam is totally kicking Karen's ASS, at least when it comes to shirt sales!

the blogger action network is on the scene!

alex blagg on the train last night - w4m

---

Reply to: pers-235149498@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-11-15, 9:57AM EST

Hi.
You are cute. I was the girl in the orange dress.
The End.

• this is in or around 50th and 8th
• no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Says Blagg:

lindsay: http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/235149498.html
lindsay: I'm sure you wrote, I mean, saw :)
blagg: clearly this has reached the blogger action network
blagg: i've received this IM about 12 times now
lindsay: me too! Carney was first, though.

And then it got...more boring and nerdy. There's really no point to this post. I do sort of like the idea of an orange dress though, now.

Welcome Office Fans!

Since this is apparently a high-traffic day or whatever, I'd like to draw attention to two awesome things:

1. A movie: The Devil and Daniel Johnston

I sang the praises of TDADJ about a month ago, but I really can't say enough about this funny, heartbreaking, brilliant documentary. Find out all about it here.

2. A book: The Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right

Robert Lanham (author of The Hipster Handbook) gives you everything you need to know about the powerful puppeteers brainwashing our most gullible citizens (ie, most of them), in his hilarious satirical guide. His website, Evangelicalright.com is a must-daily-read for me. (When I first found out about Ted Haggard, I knew Robert was somewhere (probably Williamsburg) doing the same dance of joy I was.)

Confession Time: I Think I Just Love Jim

So, I was just looking at more Office clips and I found this cheesy-awesome mashed-up video of Jim missing Pam set to Jackson Browne's "These Days". Warning: You're probably not going to want to watch it unless you're a girl. Who loves John Krasinski. And is on Day 27:

Previous: Pick a Side: Team Pam or Team Karen

Yay!

"...Imagine an operating room at the start of a daring but well-rehearsed procedure and you will have something of the atmosphere of “An Abundance of Katherines”: every detail considered, the action unrolling with grace and inevitability. Green’s characters are quirky without having to gnaw soap or assemble a boyfriend from body parts. They’re also genuine enough to counter the sweetness in this novel, in which no one but the rampaging boar really wants to hurt anyone..."

From this weekend's RAVE review of John Green's An Abundance of Katherines, in the New York Times Book Review.

John's blog (and the formula mentioned in the review) are here.

Pick a Side: Team Pam or Team Karen

Last week, Claire Zulkey and I got into a heated AIM-gument about the current direction of The Office, as it has now become clear that it will be Karen, the gorgeous sophisticated saleswoman played by Rashida Jones, and not distance, keeping Pam and Jim apart.

The Office viewers of course saw this coming a mile away (when Karen appeared in the first episode my friend and I looked at each other and said "oh no!") So this weekend, we thought it would be fun to make tshirts and have a big pretend fight and pit Office fans against each other, because we're apparently not too busy to enjoy doing volunteer work for the underpriviledged folks at the NBC marketing department.

Claire's long-ass essay is below. My short one can be found on her blog. And yes, with the help of Claire's enterprising boyfriend Steve, we really did design tshirts, and you can choose a side and buy one here.

WHY I'M ON TEAM KAREN
By Claire Zulkey

I remember reading an interview with John Krasinski, AKA "Jim" of "The Office," where he discussed his torturous will-they-won't-they onscreen relationship with receptionist Pam (played by Jenna Fischer.) He said that even though they have this great relationship at the office you could tell they'd never work together. That made me sad when I read it but I realized that it was completely true on last season's finale.  When Jim confessed his love and then kissed Pam, I went from "Yes, yes!" to "No, no, no."  It just wasn't right.  It was like when Joey got together with Rachel on "Friends".  Or a sister kissing a brother. I can't tell.  Either way, it didn't work for me.

So I was glad when Jim ran away to the Stamford office after being humiliatingly spurned by Pam....

3 to 6 men will humble him for several hours each week

* Is anyone else finding something to chuckle at in every sentence of this article about Ted Haggard's spiritual restoration, or am I just 13?

* I don't know why my dear Claire is giving this fucktard more attention, but at least he comes off badly. Like, really really badly.

* Tomorrow I'm participating in Sarah Brown's Cringe TV pilot taping. So tonight my friend Stephanie is going to accompany me to SuperCuts to try to make my hair decent looking, and not just a pixie haircut grown out for a year. Really. Two nights ago, I took my hair down to ask my friend Amanda what to do with it and she said "You look like Charlize Theron. In 'Monster.'

* Reno 911!: Miami movie trailer, via dead-frog:

* And, finally, who is such a blog geek that they want to see a photo of Gabe from corporate-casual sending me a text message from that Spy party? Here: I can find out how many people click, you know. (Also, cute, no? 20 bucks for his number.)

show us on the doll where ian spiegelman touched you

"I don't mind talking shit about Andy Borowitz because what is he going to do? Write a "Shouts and Murmurs" piece about me?"

Best party crash ever. Actually, I don't usually read them. But this is just the funniest thing you'll read on the internet today, for sure.

your quarterly day job update

The Comedy Central Insider blog TOTALLY SCOOPED EVERYONE on Rumsfeld's resignation with a post about it last night.

Really. Seriously. Totally. Awesomely.

Awesome.

"insurance is my game, raping was another game of mine"

Two things about this: Man ordered to wear "Sex Offender" t-shirt

1. I wonder if all his friends are going to start wearing the same t-shirt in solidarity, like when someone has cancer and all their friends shave their heads? and

2. This classic Mr. Show sketch is actually totally on Youtube!:

told you so told you so (told you told you told you so)

• Way to call it Mark!! While everyone else was going the other way.
• Video: Doogie Howser, MD, intro. Think about it: Doogie Howser was the original blogger! (Sort of)
• Video: Al Franken on Solid Gold as Mick Jagger.

A: Love Is... is Forever

My Chicago friend Stevie introduced me to the wonder that is the endlessly-running "comic" strip 'Love Is...' Yesterday she sent out an email titled "Worst Love Is in Years and Years" with a link to this one.

Today, after I begged her to apply her photoshop skills, she made a minor tweak:

(Nice filename joke, too. Thanks, Stevie!)

(Yeah, I know someone did Love Is... captions a few years ago, but I don't have that kind of Google time today.)

(Title hint: Old joke: Q: what's the difference between love and herpes? A: herpes is forever. I admit, it was a convoluted allusion.)