does this mean I have to get a pitt bull and a beeper now?

DORK ALERT: I just got this email from one of my best friends, the irrepressible Eric O.:

"I love you... but... FYI..
Ritalin is classified by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) as a Schedule II substance -- in the same category as cocaine, morphine, opium, methadone, and oxycodone. I believe unlawful distribution and possession with intent to distribute carries a mandatory minimum sentence. If anyone asks... it was asprin that you threw into the crowd. Deny Deny Deny.

Next time ask if there are any federal law enforcement officers (in addition to asking if there are any members of the NYPD)."

(Well, I'm glad he still loves me even though I'm a drug dealer. I might need bail money.)