Lindsayism.com

Official Blog Launching Day 2005

Not like you come here for your media news, but I must congratulate my pal Andrew Krucoff, who now edits Gridskipper, the new travel blog from Gawker Media. (Now if I could just get around to getting my first passport...)

End of an Era

Tonight is the last chance to see the weekly show that created the downtown comedy scene (as well as my own interest in live comedy), Eating It at its home of 7 years, the doomed Luna Lounge. Info: Monday, January 31, 2005 @ 8:00pm Host: Patrick Borelli (Conan O'Brien; Premium Blend) Andy Blitz (writer/performer, Late Night with Conan O'Brien; Eating It regular) Kristen Schaal (Kate & Leopold; Contest Searchlight; CNN promo spot) Christian Finnegan (VH-1's Best Week Ever; Tough Crowd; Comedy Central Presents) Reverend Jen (author, Reverend Jen's Really Cool Neighborhood) ..plus Jeff & Naomi will pull last minute guests from the audience to perform 3 minute sets throughout the show.

The show is becoming monthly instead of weekly, moving to a 199-seat theater in midtown called The Zipper Theater, and raising the price to $15 (instead of $7 which included a free drink.) I suppose that's the natural progression of successful things, so instead of whining about it, here are some weekly shows that are still downtown, still cheap, and that share many performers with Eating It(though I for one still plan to see Eating It every month):

* Invite Them Up!
Every Wednesday: A weekly show produced by Eugene Mirman and Bobby Tisdale at Cinema Classics (332 E 11, between 1st and 2nd). Each show will feature about 5 performers (standup, sketch, video and who knows) creating something fun and weird for every show. 8 PM, $5 suggested donation.

* Welcome To Our Week
Every Thursday: Jessi Klein and Nick Kroll produce and host the usual suspects, also at Cinema Classics. 8pm $5.

* The Shark Show
Every Saturday:
THE SHARK SHOW
All-New Comedy That Bites
Saturdays @ 8pm
The Parkside Lounge
317 E Houston St.
Door - Just $5

Two New Daily Reads

Congratulations to Elizabeth and Claire on their new Media Bistro 'blogs (and to EIC Elizabeth on the MB relaunch.)

Also, even though this seems to have exaggerated the competition aspect a bit (who only has time for one blog?), it's still occupying prime real estate on my fridge. Yay.

Fun With Real Audio

I've never been much of a drunk dialer, but I think this would be a great place to record Highdeas at the very moment they're imagined. So, people who read this site, next time you get a Highdea, call that number first and then send it to me the next day.

(Also, MT, that site is a great way to expand your drunk-dialing audience.)

UGH

The entire first episode of the new American "re-imagining" of The Office.

It's so bad it makes me very uncomfortable. And I wanted to like it!

Yay

My laptop solicitation last week actually worked! I got a great deal on a sweet little iBook yesterday and I love it so much I've already kissed it three times in public to show my affection. A big thank you to Hamish at verbose coma for setting it all up!

Links

Thanks for sending and re-sending your links, I added 20-something new ones just now and my internet karma is restored. The best email came from Jason at Bitter Defeat:

"Okay, I get the meth before/after facial sores, weight loss, etc. But why did crystal meth make The Faces of Meth get radically unattractive haircuts?? Also, is it just me or would The Faces of Meth be the greatest name for a band, like, ever?"

Dear Jason,
Yes. Yes, it would.
xo,
Lindsay

Permanent Links

Have you asked me to link to your blog and I've said yes and then forgot? Have you emailed me about it and I never wrote back? Or have you done that puzzling-yet-charming thing where you write asking permission to link to me and I thought "it's the internet, dude, link to anything you want!" but also never wrote you back? Are you my friend who has been quietly seething for months at being overlooked? Email me today by 7pm and I'll add you. And sorry, I'm just a flake about it, really, truly. I just figured out today that two blogs I read daily or almost daily, my blog is poop and fitted sweats weren't on here!

See? I Can Be Serious Sometimes (Sort Of)

Speaking of now-defunct magazines I owe my life to, here are issues of Might for sale for $10 each.

(Warning: totally unfunny self-indulgent post with a cheesy moral at the end. Read at your own risk.)

I discovered Might Magazine during my senior year of high school. My friend Christy and I were at Tallahassee's coolest bar (but having coffee since we were too young to drink), Waterworks, and digging through the magazine rack, where we found a copy of Might. I actually still remember the exact table we were sitting at when we first opened it and beheld the wonders inside.

This was (for me) before the internet, and writing like this - conversational, bold, daring, un-PC, satirical, hilariously funny - was completely new to me. We spent a few hours devouring it (that was one of the best things about Might - it was chock-full) and then begged the owner to tell us where he got it. He did - and Christy and I joined him to become the only three people in Tallahassee, Florida who read Might Magazine.

I only had a few short years with Might, but I read each issue at least 20 times, most memorably reading aloud the whole way to a packed car on a road trip to Atlanta to see a Luna show. When I got the last issue and found an essay on "Death" in the front and the words "At least we tried" and realized that Might was over, I cried. Then, I called the subscription line and left a long message about how Might had changed my life and I just wanted them to know that.

Finding Might, for me, was basically the equivalent of an actor turning on SNL for the first time, except it was even better because Might was so DIY. It was the first time I realized that there were people out there, not too much older than me, doing really original, amazing things completely on their own. When I eventually got on the internet, my first-ever yahoo! search was "Might Magazine." (Later, doing this same search, I would find Mcsweeney's in its second week of existence, send them a hundred bucks (of my student loan check) and become a Lifetime Subscriber, which is pretty much the only shrewed move I've ever made financially.) I always thought that if I was going to be a writer, I'd probably be an English professor, to have something to, you know, "fall back on." No offense to English professors, but a few years later I dropped out of college and moved to New York, knowing almost noone, to be a writer, and I can't help but think that Might's influence had something to do with that. It's a cliche, but nobody should ever give themself something to "fall back on" unless they, like, got knocked up in high school and have a kid to support or something. Anyways, Thank You Might Magazine. The end.

(I just realized this is the Lindsayism.com version of the dreaded Girl-Blogger-PMS- Post! Hey, it's better than blathering about Ben and Jerry's and engagement rings and "girl's nights out"! (You know who you are))

Wow.

"Block View," which brings the Yellow Pages to life by showing a street view of millions of businesses and their surroundings. Using trucks equipped with digital cameras, global positioning system (GPS) receivers, and proprietary software and hardware, A9.com drove tens of thousands of miles capturing images and matching them with businesses and the way they look from the street.

Here's my office.

!!!

Absolute, complete, utter sacriledge.

Random Things

* The Simple Life: Interns: Sucks Paris and Nicole causing hardworking blue collar people to almost lose their jobs? hilarious! This is kinda mean, but every time Nicole makes fun of poor people's clothes and decor, all I can think is "There but for the grace of Lionel Richie, sweetheart."

* Janet Jackson Nipple Cupcakes

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Meth Eye For the Straight Guy

Crank is Wank, y'all. (Is it just me or does James Hibbs look better after meth?)

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Highdeas!

Sex Scrabble: Two people play Scrabble, and whoever gets their desired sex act spelled out on the board first in accordance with official rules, gets to do it. Get a double word score? You get to do it twice. The other person is required to enthusiastically participate.

Bea Arthur: I would like to suggest that Bea Arthur be retired as the go-to reference for Manliest and/or Least Desirable Woman. It's been like 20 years! Leave the poor woman alone. It's too much of a cliche anyway. We need to find a successor.

The Food Spill Brooch: It's a pin that you put on your shirt that looks exactly like spilled food, by the makers of fake vomit. I don't know, it was hysterically funny at the time.

Kornfeld's Korner!

(Former intern at my office, Dave Kornfeld, puts together links and commentary once a week.)

Do you type like a boy or a girl?

Your name is Dick Chopp. And you went into UROLOGY!?

No! Fuck you! I will only juggle at the TOP of the staircase!

Lance Armstrong supports not recuscitating cardiac arrest victims.

El Nino is Spanish. It is the Spanish word for child. Like all things Spanish it is dangerous.

MC Hawking is the undisputed king of theoretical gangsta astrophysics.

According to the FDA, you can't claim your product causes rock-hard erections unless this is the active ingredient.

Ashley trained for her 100 Screech-impersonator gang bang.

OK team, let's capitalize on pet owners' neuroses.

Hahahaha! I'm 13 again!

"Slow. Slow. Quick-Quick Slow."

One of my coworkers, the infinitely popular Nick Poppy, just gave away some of the cds in his office, and I got my greedy hands on "New Wave Dance Hits" and now I've got "Dancing In Heaven (Orbital Be Bop)" by Q-Feel on repeat one and it's making me tap my feet remembering the first time I saw Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. I still think Broadway should make a musical out of that movie. I hate musicals, but if they really camped it up and kept it set in the 80's it could be awesome. They would have to leave in the best line of the movie, though: SJ Parker: "Do you have a date or something?" Helen Hunt: "No, I wish. I just know I must be horny!"

(Apparently, I get to mention Girls Just Wanna Have Fun once a year.)

(Hey, the laptop thing worked...)

A good friend of mine is looking for a job. She has five years' experience in (big national glossy) magazine production here in NYC, and she's awesome. If anyone has any leads, email me and I'll forward it to her. Thank you!

Video games are boring. This

Video games are boring. This is amazing.

Highdea!

This weekend during the blizzard I got a Highdea for a sitcom about a guy and his girlfriend, where every episode centers around the guy trying to get a blow job from the girlfriend and the elaborate and absurd lengths he goes to get it and she goes to to avoid it. Since I was playing Trivial Pursuit at the time of this Highdea, the working title for the sitcom is "Uvula Pursuit."

(I'll have Kornfeld's Korner up a little later. He has a highdea too.)

Things My Best Friend Has Tried To Get Me To Believe

That Julia Roberts has two noses. That Southerners eat French Toast with Tobasco sauce and salt. That there was an Olympic runner in the 80's named "Labia Johnson-Thomas." That the tragedy in Southeast Asia would lead to a worldwide shortage of "Jello and gelatin-containing products." That chewing gum is made out of whale blubber. That guys like girls who have lisps, because it reminds them of oral sex. That Ronald Reagan's mother was Black. That irony was invented in 1957 in Secaucus, New Jersey.

Grouchy Old Ms. Robertson

New Postal Service video - We Will Become Silhouettes (via Mr. Gum)

It's by the director of Napoleon Dynamite. I'm no fan of the movie ("The movie equivalent of one of those Urban Outfitters "New Jersey is for Lovers" tee shirts") but I know all the other bloggers are - can we just please start spelling it right, though? I mean, c'mon y'all, if it's your favorite movie, can't you learn how to spell it? NapolEON, not NapolEAN. I mean...gosh!

(And oh yeah, I like the video.)

"It Looks Better on the Floor, Dave..."

I happened to catch Amy Sedaris' appearance on Letterman Friday night (promoting the movie version of Strangers With Candy), and it was the funniest appearance of any guest on any late night show I've ever seen. The best part was when Amy was talking about Richard Gere, and she did this really quick, blink-and-you'll-miss-it obscene gesture that involved, uh, looking like she was sucking on a lollipop and then, um, suddenly biting the lollipop. Or something. Anyway, I DVR'd it and I've shown it to everyone who's come over since.

* Here's a clip (3rd from top) Sadly, it doesn't include the obscene gesture, the story about the murder of Amy's imaginary boyfriend, or Amy's idea for a lesbian bar called "Lickety Splits," but it's still good.
*
Here's a series of screenshots from the appearance (Including the Richard Gere moment)

* Here is audio of pretty much the entire appearance (Scroll to January 14, 2005)

If I find video of the whole thing, I'll post it here. In other comedy news, Stella has just launched a message board.

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RIP Dell Inspiron 2003-2005: We Hardly Used Ye

Anyone selling a laptop? Mine was, uh, stepped on (mistakes were made) over the weekend and apparently I get testy when apart from Google for too long.

Something Is Wrong In the World

Patton Oswalt is not currently winning the CC Stand Up Showdown. Vote for Patton! He must be number one for the universe to return to order. With your help, it can happen. Thank you.

Do You Kiss Carlos D. With That Mouth?

Like most people, Gavin McInnes from Vice doesn't like to be written about in the New York Press, apparently. Can't we all just get along?

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In Boring Company

I really wanted to like In Good Company, but it really blew. Scarlett is on her way down, mark my words, now that it's been proven beyond a shadow that her "spare" "minimalist" acting is nothing more than a lack of personality or charisma. She does all her acting by biting her freakishly huge lips in one of three ways and her range runs the gamut from "bored" to "half asleep." The movie was really cheesy and faux-heartwarming and insufferably preachy. The only thing I got out of the experience was a belated Porn Title:

Maria Full of Topher Grace.

Seriously: not good. Trust me.

Sometimes Highdeas Should Stay Highdeas

New York now has a 90's-themed bar called Nerve Ana.

Cough. (Loser!) Cough.

I'm sure we all had the same reaction to this Sunday Styles article about people who pay people called "PartyBuddies" (insult, meet injury) hundreds of dollars to get behind the velvet ropes at cheesy clubs (that reaction being "I didn't know there was a level of loser-ness below standing in line to get into a club.") It reminds me of a work party I went to at Suite 16 in 2000, when I worked at Talk Magazine. It was an early party and when my friends and I went to leave around 10, we opened the door to find a long line of desperate clubbers stretching out into the street. Nicely prepped by the open bar, we started taunting them from the doorway, indicating our business-casual outfits with hand flourishes and saying "Yeah, this is how you have to dress to get in here" and "Have some dignity! Nobody in there is gonna make you a star!"

Anyways, here's something that looks dirty, but it's not!

Craig's List: Behind the Satirical Post

Hey remember last week when everybody linked to this joke Craig's List post about a Wall Street guy looking for an Arcade Fire ticket?

Well, yesterday I sent a little note of admiration to the anonymous author, and he wrote right back (and gave permission to post):

"Yes, I was suprised to find several women seriously taking "me" up on the offer, despite the creepy date-rape tone of the posting. I guess they figured it was a public event and there would at least be witnesses to their dreadful evening. Or something. (I emailed them and told them I didn't have a ticket and it was just a sick joke.) Another posting suggested I just demand that the lucky lady wear an electric shock collar that would zap whenever she strayed beyond a ten yard perimeter.
There was only one self-righteous indignant email, from "my" new-found nemesis "Andrew Energy". He just told "me" I was an idiot. But what a handle! That fucking Andrew Energy.

The best part is that a random individual emailed me saying he hoped it was a joke because he couldn't live in a world where such a shameless tool was interested in a band he liked. Then, after subsequent emails, he offered me a ticket for face value. Which is sweet, because after all the glory poured on Arcade Fire by the 'blogoiouse', one is hard-pressed to get a ticket. (Of course, I've been into them for YEARS, back before ANYONE heard of them, when they were "Arcade Toaster".)
So there's a happy ending to my little, little "story"."
- John D.

So, yeah, it pays to write fan mail! (And "Arcade Toaster", hahaha!) Thanks for the laughs, Mr. Mysterious D.

Insert Gigli Joke Here

Julie the Co-worker was Googling Ben Affleck's name just now (for spelling, for a work thing) and stumbled upon Ben's very strangely-titled directorial debut.

The Title of this Post Really Is Great Minds Link Alike. I'm So Very Very Sorry.

Uh, so my pal ThighDaddy pointed out in his gentlemanly, kind, Grambo-esque manner yesterday that I did an entire post made up of links that were on his site that day (Borat and Jamie Lynn "Speers not Spy-ers" Spears). While I did blatantly rip off the JL pic, Borat was sent to me by someone else. Between this and Chickengate, my credibility as a blo -- oh, wait, no credibility needed. Thank God! (And sorry again, Mikey, for breaking the code.)

On a completely unrelated topic, check out this funny link about anti-bullying bracelets that I completely discovered all by myself.

Kornfeld's Korner

Former intern (at my office, not the blog) and Penn Punchbowl co-editor Dave Kornfeld has once again provided links and commentary. Here they are:

The Swedish should just stick to modeling and meatballs

I hope Hung Wankenstein does not star Gene Wilder

What if Dave Navarro and Jet Li had a baby?

Ask about the Pledgemaster discount

Oh Theodore, howEVER did that man get in here?

Don't putter around with your largest investment, call Gaye Males today

This is just cruel

So is this.

(Thanks, Dave!)

New Yorker Cartoon Of the Week - #2

Picture: Older women lunching together. One is speaking.

Caption: "She says they're 'friends with benefits,' which is perfect because her company doesn't provide dental."

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* Is it just me,

* Is it just me, or does Jamie Lynn Spears look like she's going to grow up to be Amy Sedaris?

* A stranger came to town, and the town was never the same again.

Assorted Bitchery

* Don't ask me how I stumbled upon this inexplicable marketing tool for the birth control ring.

* I'm not sure this guy knows what a "link" is. Taking namedropping to the virtual level? Genius! Here, I can do it too:

Links:

Brad Pitt, Famous Actor
Madonna, Recording Artist
Augusten Burroughs, writer
William Jefferson Clinton, Former President

I feel so connected!

Lindsayism.CON is more like it!

Last week I linked to this blog post about a lady killing a chicken to get on a bus. Over the weekend, several people emailed to inform me that that story is an old urban legend. I gravely regret not fact-checking this story before linking to it. I have brought shame to this website, and to the heretofore venerable institution of blogging. As a result, I've decided to resign from Lindsayism.com, effective immediately. After a five-minute search, I found a suitable Lindsay Robertson to be my replacement.

Thank you for reading these four years, and thanks to those who informed me of my error-of-linkage, particularly "Bullshit Detector", the Deep Throat of this story who went above and beyond the call of duty to bring the truth to light, even taking the time to get a new email address (chicken_story_is_bs@yahoo.com) just to call me out anonymously, time that a less vigilant reader would have spent watching reality television, or masturbating.

Thank you, and I'll see you along the way.

Focus!!

* Well, that's one way to skirt the "no live chickens" rule.

* If women start using this, what will become of the leg muscles we've spent years toning through the classic hovering-to-pee pose?

* We just watched the pilots of two new Comedy Central shows, "Stella" and "Con." They were both pretty good, though I'm crossing my fingers that the average American is going to get Stella, which is funny, but weird. Definitely in the Strangers With Candy camp. (It's directly based on Stella's, live sketches.) Watch for a cameo by a Famous Actor.
Con is a reality show about a guy named Skyler Stone who cons his way through life. In the pilot (which I'm told will not be airing), he cons his way into a free lunch at McDonald's and a singing gig during the 7th Inning Stretch of a San Francisco Giants game (by claiming he was on American Idol.) He speaks directly to the camera and the show is pretty guerilla - it's more punk rock than any reality show I've seen (not that that's saying much). I think it has a good chance of succeeding. Also, Skyler Stone is cute. So there's that.

* Yes, everyone involved was amused and delighted to death by this. (And, really, what kind of pretentious-fucks-who-take ourselves-too-seriously would we be if we weren't?)

Have a nice weekend, and take some Percoset for me!

KORNFELD'S KORNER

Last summer, we had a great intern at my office named Dave Kornfeld. Among his many accomplishments was the creation of "The Punny" - the award for best pun yelled out in a creative meeting. Dave's gone back to Penn now, where he co-edits the humor mag, The Pennsylvania Punchbowl, but he still sends me links from time to time. I don't know what he's reading, but they're usually links I haven't seen. So I asked him to do a bi-weekly link roundup for me, and he graciously agreed (though he wouldn't let me call it "Kornfeld's Krazy Korner" like I wanted to) So, without further ado, I present Kornfeld's Links and Commentary:

This guy buys socks at Victoria's Secret

What happens when you crash your Harley at a Clay Aiken concert.

This is sound business venture. I assure yuo.

Set the language to German and the voice to Reiner and have it say: "You looked so beautiful at the playground."

How is an IT professional going to help me grow boobs?

Ever wondered where the Pen 15 club meets? Pen Island, sicko.

Big fun, small package

Now I can finally photoshop a believable Mickey Mouse Club bukkake!

Can you get arrested for finger skating on private property?

Dunkin Donuts announced it's newest flavor: pube.

Elephants yeah! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

The first time I ever slow danced, "I believe I can fly" was playing in the background, so I really indentify with this guy.

An 8-ball with 9 lives.

This guy gets paid to snort coke.

(Thanks, Dave!)

"I'm Young and I'm Hopeless/I'm Lost and I Know This."

* Like 17 people have sent me this in the past 24 hours, so in case you haven't seen it: The 'Bu (an O.C. parody starring New Becky!)

* I get sorta sketchy about letting people send me their books/cds, etc. in hopes of being mentioned here (for one thing, I'm not known for my short-term memory or attention span - notice I haven't added a permanent link in six months?), but when a writer emailed asking if I'd like to read his new book and told me it was a novel about reality TV, my curiosity got the better of me. So I'm currently in the middle of The Virgin by Erik Barmack, and I actually like it so I'm mentioning it (even though the back of the galley mentions an "innovative online marketing campaign" that I fear I may be a part of!)

* This blog is very new, but I like it already. The voice mail story is totally something I would do.

Highdeas!

"I have long thought that cat food manufacturers should make cat food in colors that match popular flooring colors, since the hairy little bastards barf so much. You know, like "blue shag" or "oak."
- Chris Hampton

"Many people are familiar with the breathalizers built into automobiles that force multi-DUI offenders to prove sobriety before starting the engine.
Cell phones should have a similar feature. It could be built right into the microphone, and would prevent people from, oh I dunno, calling their exes at 4:23 and unleashing a furious string of profanity and/or admissions of sexual confusion.
On the reverse end, it would be handy to see the blood-alcohol content of incoming callers, to prevent the return call from said ex, who takes it upon herself to inform you of how many of your friends she's slept with."
- Alex Blagg

"Here's one I do remember - but i have to credit to my friend Jason... it's the bacon bikini. You make a bikini out of strips of bacon, your girlfriend lies out in the sun and later you have a tasty snack. We thought it would make a nice photo series."

- Cathy Cityrag

And for the first time, a Highdea with a visual aid!

"So I said, what if there were a weekly gossip magazine a la US or InTouch or Star, but instead of obsessively chronicling the embarrassing things that happen to Lindsay Lohan et al, it would be about me and my friends? Alice immediately got excited about this concept and we started taking paparazzi stalker photos of everyone in the room, including a meticulously staged shot of Alice with a fake black eye. Everyone was like "You guys are going to wake up tomorrow and realize this was a Highdea." (Literally). We were like "No no this is actually going to be really funny."
And: voila. It is.

- Emily Gould and Alice Wetterlund

Nobody Puts Lindsay in a Corner!

TO: lindsayATlindsayism.com FROM: xxxxxxxx SUBJECT: Behaviour Patterns

Dear Lindsay,

You seem like a sharp, intelligent young woman, who knows how to handle men. (MT even thinks of you when drunk, and I'm sure that's saying something). But how long do you think this will last?

Thanks for the compliments! I plan to be sharp, intelligent, a woman, and to know how to "handle men" (whatever that means) forever. (The young part, unfortunately, ended when I turned 25.) As for MT, he's just a friend, and his drunk messages are hilarious (sample: "Lindsay Robertson, I remember when you used to rock.(click)"

When women swear, talk about porn, go out getting drunk and stoned, then the behaviour of men changes accordingly.
(Oh my god, are you saying they might start thinking of me as an equal? But I'm supposed to be from Venus!)
(MT gets drunk to talk to you - is that what you want?)
(MT is always drunk - don't you read his site?)

We women are the ones that set the behaviour patterns of men; once we lose it, they follow dramatically and 1000 times worse. Finally we women suffer because men will then start to treat us like primitive cave creatures who get pulled around by their hair.

I consider myself equal to guys, so this just doesn't apply to me.

If you don't believe me, read Tom Wolfe's latest "I am Charlotte Simmons". This is really a parody of our times. And a warning.

Admit it: this is you, isn't it, Tom?

Anyway, give men a chance to sober up and be decent. Once that happens, you will not regret 20 years down the road that it was really your own behaviour that put you in the corner.

This is going to sound radical, but men have pretty much always been decent and respectful and nice to me. I know, I know, it has to be false, right? I'm a chick, so therefore surely I must feel like a victim, sitting around on a Saturday night waiting for the phone to ring, asking for advice on when to put out, buying dating manuals to learn how to pretend to have self-esteem, obsessing over every detail of a date, saying things like "Why do men say they're going to call but don't?", despising my exes, saying that there are no good men in New York, etc. That just has never been the case for a lot of us. Where is the chick lit for chicks like us?

I do enjoy your posts, it certainly beats those others (_____________, et. al.). I wonder though why the swearing, the drinking, the getting stoned and the porn? Suffice maybe that I’ve noticed it.

I'll cop to everything else, but I don't watch porn, I just make jokes about it. In fact, I make jokes about a lot of things. This website is certainly not meant to be a serious representation of everything I do or think about.

In good faith, as a warning I felt my duty to convey,
XXX

(Excerpt of conversation with best friend right before posting this:
lindsayism: Yeah, but I sort of want to use this to say something about women. (go ahead, groan)
XXXXXX: No, I knew when I read it that you were going to put your post-feminist face on.)

Just In Time - I Was Getting So Bored

* Hey, look who's back!

Highdeas!

If you're new here, I used to do this thing all the time where I'd put up Highdeas. Highdeas are ideas that you come up with when you're stoned, or that sound like the person who came up with them was stoned. For some reason, mine seem to always be about technology, tv shows, or porn. Here's a couple new ones:

When you check your voicemail messages on your cellphone, you should have the option of having the current message emailed to you instantly in mp3 form. The ramifications of this technology would include some pretty cool blogs.(I must give some credit to Manhattan Transfer, who recently left me a 4 a.m. drunk message involving jello wrestling (I think) that was the inspiration for this Highdea.)

Adult-themed Christmas tree ornaments called "pornaments."

Ok, your turn. Send your highdeas in. Include a link if you want. And this time, y'all, can we all try to follow my lead and make them semi-coherent? You're not supposed to be high when you're actually writing it. (The last time I asked for these I had to sift through a lot of "if there was this guy and he had boobs on tv hahahha LOL that would be rule!" emails to get to the good ones.)

(Idea For) New Yorker Cartoon of the Week

(Wherein I will describe an idea I had for a New Yorker Cartoon.)

Picture: Cocktail party. Man stands sadly alone in corner, dressed in S/M gear, including a ball-gag in his mouth. A man and a woman stand nearby holding drinks. One of them is speaking.

Caption: "Looks like Fred forgot the safe word again."

Cool Thing

This site, as seen through the new Amazon search engine extraordinaire, A9.