(and apparently, anyone who has ever set foot in Pianos is, to the Times, a "hipster.")
(and apparently, anyone who has ever set foot in Pianos is, to the Times, a "hipster.")
Ok, so Fiona Apple fans are going to crucify me for this, but does her new song "Extraordinary Machine" remind anyone else of David Sedaris' Billie Holiday impression (aka "the funniest thing I've ever heard")? Just asking.
(Fiona link via awesome new blog scenestars)
"But some experts saw the move by Mattel was purely "a publicity stunt."
They need experts to tell them that? What else could it possibly be? Barbie's Personal Life Decision?
(link via hello angel)
* I guess I was accidentally right about Mary Kate and "The Medillin Diet." I hope this isn't one of those things where she has to give up alcohol and everything for the rest of her life and she can't even drink champagne on New Year's or at her wedding, because that's always sad.
* Vote for your favorite anti-Ashcroft video at Nerve.com.
So I was in Walgreens on Friday and this Twist Magazine cover caught my eye. "Hahahaha" I thought. "The cover has Ashton, Justin, and Orlando and says "Are these guys really in love?" and it makes it look like they mean they're in love with each other!" So I bought it because it was funny.
Walking home, I thought "How dumb were the editors, not to notic-- oh. wait. The editors weren't dumb."
The editors were geniuses for making a cover that can be appreciated both sincerely (by the little girls who make up their demo) and ironically (bye suckers like me who would otherwise never buy their magazine.)
So basically, I just bought the publishing equivalent of an Urban Outfitters pseudo-vintage "New Jersey is for lovers" tshirt. Great.
(Be like me and withold phone calls and love from your red-state parents and grandparents until they've seen the movie. It's kind of that important.)
Haircut - 2
Face - 2
Body - 1
Degree to which clothing conveys acceptable taste in music - 2
Swagger (je ne sais quoi, confidence) - 3
Any girls want to comment on theirs?
My two favorite words: "Open Bar."
I must say one tiny thing about last night: never has anyone more deserved the universal adoration she gets as much as Sarah Lewitinn. To know her is to love her. She is the personification of nice people finishing first and she makes everyone she knows feel good about the world. Okay, done. (Sorry. I can't help it, I'm under her Love Spell.) Have a great weekend!
I was so sure it was a joke that I called the 800 number. It might still be a joke. This sounds suspiciously like a Highdea. All I know is I'm ordering some!
What's up? I miss you! Not much here, just shopping and getting ready to go to Australia to do promo stuff. How are they treating you? At least it's probably the only place in the world where you don't have to worry about yucky 27 year old guys bugging you!
Speaking of, I totally lost my virginity last night! I'll tell you who it was when you get out. Oh, and your boyfriend says hi.
I saw the E! special about us last night. Hey, isn't it weird that we're all rich and famous and beautiful, but our mom looks like complete white trash in the photos they show? I mean, she totally looks like she's sold it for crank before.
Anyway, gotta run. Come home soon!
ps: My body aches for you.
pps: Makenay Azelay Feverera
I hate this place. My counselors all used to be anorexic too, and now they're so FAT! Great. Today we did this exercise where we drew what we thought we looked like and then had to lie down and they traced us so we could see the difference. It was dumb.
They totally don't understand the pressures of our industry. I mean, I like being this way! People can finally tell us apart.
Oh and you're totally wrong about old guys. The doctor who runs this place is constantly staring at me. Ick. I'm just going to stuff my face until they let me out and then I think we should call that special delivery number Jimmy Fallon gave us. The "Medillin Diet" or whatever.
Anyways, hope to see you soon! Don't spend all our money while I'm in here, haha!
ps: Pain. Physical pain in my chest. I need you next to me.
pps: Stay the fuck away from my boyfriend.
Now, the "survey and opinion profession" is hopping mad. My favorite quote:
"Billions of dollars are expended annually based upon the outcome of survey and opinion research. To suggest ways to sabotage this process puts countless businesses that are critical to the US economy in jeopardy."
Will is my Coolest Friend Ever.
* A couple finishes having sex, roll onto their backs, and lift the covers up to their necks to commence staring at the ceiling and having pillow talk.
* A well-dressed older woman fumbles with a bottle of pills, presumably Valium, and shrieks "Give me my pills!!"
(Incidentally, all 3 of these were in the season premiere of Six Feet Under last week.)
So when I see something like this...
Yeah. I just don't get it. Maybe I'm the alien.
And another thing. I was walking through the West Village with a good friend on Saturday, and a group of three or four nanny-having-soccer-mom looking women passed by us, and one of them said:
"They don't realize that foreplay is emptying the dishwasher."
I clutched my friend's arm and said "Oh my god, consider this my living will: if I ever say anything like that, I want you to put me out of my misery."
(Note: after messaging the link to the above site, a lot of people thought it was a joke. The friend who sent it to me assured me that it is not because he knows the chick. May god have mercy on our souls.)
"This (stand-up) is the most important thing I do, and because I'm on TV, you make it hard for me to do it," he said. I'm RICK JAMES, BITCH!
"People can't distinguish between what's real and fake. This ain't a TV show. You're not watching Comedy Central. I'm real up here talking." I'm RICK JAMES, BITCH!
Shouts continued to interrupt Chappelle's routine until he stopped to give a lecture on "how comedy usually works: I say something. You mull it over and decide whether you want to laugh or not, and then you do or not. Then I say something else, and you think about that. I'm RICK JAMES, BITCH!
"It's worked well all across the country, but you people ..."
I'm RICK JAMES, BITCH!
Is anyone else following with extreme interest the dangers of dating bloggers? I can't read either of these fave sites lately without wincing and feeling phantom pain where my balls would be if I was a boy.
Mental effing note!
Friday night, me and Stiff left a party and hailed a cab on Second Avenue. When we got in, the driver asked us if we were having a good time and if he could put on his "favorite song." We said yes and he started playing this LOUD song that sounded like a cross between Bollywood and Reggae. We were driving along and Stiff suddenly looks over at me and says
"I think the driver is on ecstasy!"
So I look, and he's wearing DARK SUNGLASSES (this is at 2 in the morning) and attempting to pour bottled water in his mouth but it's running down his face and shirt. And he's sort of dancing to the music as he's driving. So we turn on Houston and the song begins for the second time and the car is shaking. He's stopping HARD at every light and driving like a total maniac. The girl in the song is singing a line over and over that sounds like "Do it on my face" and Stiff and I are freaking out about the way he's driving.
So the driver misses the turn off Houston, and instead of going around, he BACKS ALL THE WAY UP in the middle of Houston street with cars speeding towards us and going around!
Finally, we get to my corner and we're so conditioned that we actually still PAY AND TIP HIM normally. As soon as we open the doors and I have one foot on terra firma, I say "Sir, are you on ecstasy?"
"Yes, yes I am!" he shouts, gleefully. "It is Friday night and everyone is out but I do not get to go out."
As he drove away, we caught the number on the cab and said it over and over, but after grabbing beer at the deli, we realize we've both forgotten it. For the rest of the night we make jokes about "It's Friday night and people are out but I do not get to go out BECAUSE I HAVE TO TAKE PEOPLE'S LIVES INTO MY HANDS." We also worried that the front page of the next day's Post might say something like "Ecstasy Butcher Cabbie Mows Down Family of Five On LES; Drunk Passengers Could Have Saved Them But Got Beer Instead."
(Unrelatedly, This was why I was on that site.)
The irony of Bryan being a "Date My Friend" subject is the fact that he created and runs a dating website called Love In War.com. This very morning on the subway I was flipping through the new issue of Jane Magazine, and there on page 48 was a picture of Bryan and a little thing about his site (entitled "Like A Hot Version of Debate Team"). I took this as a sign that it was time for me to post this!
I met Bryan through my friend (and designer of this site) Ben Chappel. The first conversation I ever had with Bryan was a rather drunken argument in which he played the conservative and I played the liberal. We were basically way too inebriated to have a political conversation in the State of New York, but we attempted to anyway.
Since then, I've become a big fan of Bryan. I like to joke with him that he looks like he'd be an asshole (if he was an actor, he'd get the Stef role, not the Blaine role) but he's SUCH, I mean SUCH a nice guy.
If you're a girl interested in Bryan, don't email ME, email HIM at firstname.lastname@example.org! Here's the interview:
Bryan, the first time I met you, we had an extremely drunken argument about abortion in the back room at Lit. Have you come to your senses on a woman’s right to choose yet?
Jeez Lindsay, why don't you just name this "alienate my friends?" To sum this up for everyone who wasn't there for that conversation, I never said I was against a woman's right to choose. I consider that a very important right and nothing I would ever like to see taken away. I did say, however, that if someone is against abortion, for religious or other reasons, they shouldn't be mocked or regarded as "crazy", "stupid," "ignorant" or anything else that takes away from the legitimacy of their point of view. This is one of those impossibly tough issues where no one can say which side is "right." While I am decidedly pro-choice, there are valid reasons why one might come to a different conclusion.
Which Breakfast Club character were you in high school?
I probably wanted to seen as Bender, but everyone probably thought of me as Brian. Kind of timid, emotional and a little geeky. I was a nice guy, but probably a dork, as far as high-school politics go. Also, coincidentally enough, Brian was the only one, if I remember correctly, that doesn’t get to make out at the end of the movie. Yup, just like high school!
Would you rather never have sex again, or eat nothing but cat food for the rest of your life?
That's tough. Could I still, um, have sex with myself? I dunno, this question seems kinda dumb, how could I really just live on cat food for the rest of my life? I suppose I'd give up the sex if the alternative were to be violently ill 3 times a day. If the bad food option were something more realistic, like all-you-can-eat buffet from the Sizzler, I'd take the sex.
What fictional movie character is most your type of girl?
Phoebe Cates, Fast Times At Ridgemont High. We've all seen this, right? Don't need to explain.
Who was your first crush?
Hmmm. probably this girl, Lisa, from the 4th grade. I really liked her, but she thought I was annoying or something. Very typical, I guess, but I remember this new kid moved into town and was in our class. He was a punk, definitely more street-wise than myself - 4th grade style, mind you - but he let me tag along with him. Eventually, he ended up "going out" with Lisa. You know, nice-girl/bad-boy situation. I was kinda hurt. I'm sure she still regrets picking that other guy.
Tell me about your website.
My site is called Love In War. Currently there's a web-based personals service and a line of t-shirts that are being sold by a bunch of stores in NYC, Philly and D.C and L.A. Both are political, but very offbeat. I'm a huge political junky, but I get so tired of the typical left/right, yer evil/yer stupid tone that dominates political discourse today, so I wanted to do something different. I want to do politics with more of a pop-culture sensibility, and it's not so much about one side being right and the other side being wrong, so much as it is about being irreverent, fun and not taking yourself so seriously. More specifically, the dating site is for people who are politically aware or active. It's very new and small, but we'll see. I wanted to build a new place where people would be drawn because they have some sort of politically sensibility and can express it, but also be playful, sexy and sassy at the same time. The t-shirt line is basically ironic political t's. They're political, but they don't really say anything. It's all really, really new and it's just getting going, so we'll see…
Have you ever wanted to post a Craig’s List missed connection about anyone? Who was it?
I did, once. I was going to my friend's house on Staten Island for Easter this year and this really cute girl got on the bus. She was in the front, I was in the back and not feeling particularly brave, so it seemed like a lost cause. When she got off the bus I waved at her through the window and she smiled and waved back. I was pretty excited and posted a MC the next day. I never heard from her. While fun, I think MCs are kinda dangerous. In the past, I had the nerve to approach that girl, but with Craig's List, I just sorta sat back and was like, "no big deal, I'll post something tomorrow," instead of just taking a chance right there.
You read books. Any recommendations?
Whenever this is asked I always say "Ladies Man," by Richard Price. It's about 2 hellish weeks in the life of a guy after he's just broken up with his girlfriend, set in Taxi Driver-era NYC. It's the ultimate male confessional book. Ladies if you want to see how the male mind works, particularly when his romantic world isn't going well, read this book. High Fidelity was child's play compared to this.
* I've decided to leave comments enabled for now, but only to save the innocent little kittens some of you anonymous commentors would be out there torturing otherwise (along with the English language.)
*I still have no access to google mail. Does anyone know anyone who works for google? I'm serious. (For now, if anyone needs to email me, please CC my work address, "email@example.com".)
*I'm finally putting up the next DATE MY FRIEND. Today, in fact. Stay tuned, he's hott.
Brian sent me a cd called The Kids of Widney High: Special Music From Special Kids. It's really cute! I think he was kind of making fun of me by sending it, though.
Also, Sarah has spoken.
Also, will someone give me ONE good reason not to take comments off? My ego is just fine without the praise, and the haters just make me feel sad about the world because I like to pretend that everyone is as nice as the people I choose to surround myself with...
Last night, I went to a BUST Magazine party and guess who was there? My hero, Tina Fey!! And then guess what happened? One of my fave comedians, Todd Barry, totally offered to introduce me to Tina! And then guess what happened? I chickened out, citing "the David Cross incidents of 2001 and 2002" (in which David Cross met, yet neglected to fall immediately in love with, me) as precedent. I do want to meet Tina someday, but I want to have accomplished something first so she'll think I'm cool and stuff.
Blah blah blah, YAY!*
*(credit for the general subject, and verbatim ending, of this post, should go to someone I asked for advice this morning.)
I am the author of a weblog or "'blog". Recently, the intern at my office sent around a link that I found humorous and wanted to share with my readers. The link was to a short anti-drug film produced by a group of mentally-handicapped teens in England. I, and others in my office, found the film to be unintentionally hilarious, and I immediately posted the link (with the disclaimer "it's lowest-common-denominator day") on my 'blog.
Shortly after posting, a reader posted an angry comment in the comments section of my site:
"Why do think it is necessary to perpetuate the humiliation of these disabled kids on (your site)? Don't they face enough challenges in their life without the like of you taking cheap shots.
Do you need the extra hits so badly?
Do the yourself a favour and remove the link!
There but for the grace of god..."
I will admit that I was surprised by this reaction, as I assumed my readership to share the same sophisticated, un-PC, "know-the-rules-to-break-the-rules" sense of humor common to my friends and aquaintances. As a critic of the war on drugs, I would have linked to any anti-drug film I found on the web, and since the youngsters involved and those like them will, for obvious reasons, never know they were being made fun of, is it wrong to keep the link up?
New York, NY
Tuesday was two anniversaries for me - my 4 year anniversary of moving to New York from Tallahassee, Florida, and the 1 year anniversary of this particular website. So Tuesday night I watched "Manhattan" and wallowed in nostalgia for my first days in New York. Here are some self-indulgent little links that concern both anniversaries:
(From the old blog)
*The Boys On the Corner (New to the city, getting used to catcallers)
*The Porn Detectives (My days at Talk Magazine)
*People I've Kissed (The most popular thing I've ever written, and something that was apparently a good idea, since GQ bought it and it's since been, ahem, in the words of one recent email,"given an uncredited homage." Note: the kissing number has more than doubled since then, as New York turned me into a serial kisser.)
*(old-design) Lindsayism.com Favorites
*Thursday Block Magazine is having a "Rock 'n Roll Fashion Show" at Club Europa in Wiliamsburg, featuring the fashion of Brooklyn designers, a performance by The Fame, and more. $2 Reingold and Original Sin cider all night.
*My (awesome) new roommate Niki has started a blog! The three of us are like a reality show or something.