Lindsayism.com

This Old Thing?

"she hopes to reconstruct her life, fall in love and have children, something a face transplant could facilitate."

Time and Again I Tell Myself I Won't Post Tonight...

I came in today to an email from my boss, subject line We need to talk about your problem.

And Felix made the first parody.

Ah, Ritalin.

Thanks to Ultragrrrl and all the readers last night. I had a total blast! The next one is going to be June 29th and positively star-studded! You can sign up to be notified of future Ritalin Readings here.

DATE MY FRIEND #2: BRYAN CARLIN

The irony of Bryan being a "Date My Friend" subject is the fact that he created and runs a dating website called Love In War.com. This very morning on the subway I was flipping through the new issue of Jane Magazine, and there on page 48 was a picture of Bryan and a little thing about his site (entitled "Like A Hot Version of Debate Team"). I took this as a sign that it was time for me to post this!

I met Bryan through my friend (and designer of this site) Ben Chappel. The first conversation I ever had with Bryan was a rather drunken argument in which he played the conservative and I played the liberal. We were basically way too inebriated to have a political conversation in the State of New York, but we attempted to anyway.

Since then, I've become a big fan of Bryan. I like to joke with him that he looks like he'd be an asshole (if he was an actor, he'd get the Stef role, not the Blaine role) but he's SUCH, I mean SUCH a nice guy.

If you're a girl interested in Bryan, don't email ME, email HIM at info@loveinwar.com! Here's the interview:

Bryan, the first time I met you, we had an extremely drunken argument about abortion in the back room at Lit. Have you come to your senses on a woman’s right to choose yet?

Jeez Lindsay, why don’t you just name this “alienate my friends?” To sum this up for everyone who wasn’t there for that conversation, I never said I wasn’t against a women’s right to choose. I consider that a very important right and nothing I would ever like to see taken away. I did say, however, that if someone is against abortion, for religious or other reasons, they shouldn’t be mocked or regarded as “crazy”, “stupid,” “ignorant” or anything else takes away from the legitimacy of their point of view. This is one of those impossibly tough issues where no one can say which side is “right.” While I am decidedly pro-choice, there are valid reasons why one might come to a different conclusion.

Which Breakfast Club character were you in high school?

I probably wanted to seen as Bender, but everyone probably thought of me as Brian. Kind of timid, emotional and a little geeky. I was a nice guy, but probably a dork, as far as high-school politics go. Also, coincidentally enough, Brian was the only one, if I remember correctly, that doesn’t get to make out at the end of the movie. Yup, just like high school!

Would you rather never have sex again, or eat nothing but cat food for the rest of your life?

That’s tough. Could I still, um, have sex with myself? I dunno, this question seems kinda dumb, how could I really just live on cat food for the rest of my life? I suppose I’d give up the sex if the alternative were to be violently ill 3 times a day. If the bad food option were something more realistic, like all-you-can-eat buffet from the Sizzler, I’d take the sex.

What fictional movie character is most your type of girl?

Phoebe Cates, Fast Times At Ridgemont High. We’ve all seen this, right? Don’t need to explain.

Who was your first crush?

Hmm… probably this girl, Lisa, from the 4th grade. I really liked her, but she thought I was annoying or something. Very typical, I guess, but I remember this new kid moved into town and was in our class. He was a punk, definitely more street-wise them myself – 4th grade style, mind you – but he let me tag along with him. Eventually, he ended up “going out” with Lisa. You know, nice-girl/bad-boy situation. I was kinda hurt. I’m sure she still regrets picking that other guy.

Tell me about your website.

My site is called Love In War. Currently there’s a web-based personals service and a line of t-shirts that are being sold by a bunch of stores in NYC, Philly and D.C and L.A. Both are political, but very offbeat. I’m a huge political junky, but I get so tired of the typical left/right, yer evil/yer stupid tone that dominates political discourse today, so I wanted to do something different. I want to do politics with more of a pop-culture sensibility, and it’s not so much about one side being right and the other side being wrong, so much as it is about being irreverent, fun and not taking yourself so seriously. More specifically, the dating site is for people who are politically aware or active. It’s very new and small, but we’ll see. I wanted to build a new place where people would be drawn because they have some sort of politically sensibility and can express it, but also be playful, sexy and sassy at the same time. The t-shirt line is basically ironic political t’s. They’re political, but they don’t really say anything. It’s all really, really new and it’s just getting going, so we’ll see…

Have you ever wanted to post a Craig’s List missed connection about anyone? Who was it?

I did, once. I was going to my friend’s house on Staten Island for Easter this year and this really cute girl got on the bus. She was in the front, I was in the back and not feeling particularly brave, so it seemed like a lost cause. When she got off the bus I waved at her through the window and she smiled and waved back. I was pretty excited and posted a MC the next day. I never heard from her. While fun, I think MC’s are kinda dangerous. In the past, I had the nerve to approach that girl, but with Craig’s List, I just sorta sat back and was like, “no big deal, I’ll post something tomorrow,” instead of just taking a chance right there.

You read books. Any recommendations?

Whenever this is asked I always say “Ladies Man,” by Richard Price. It’s about 2 hellish weeks in the life of a guy after he’s just broken up with his girlfriend, set in Taxi Driver-era NYC. It’s the ultimate male confessional book. Ladies if you want to see how the male mind works, particularly when his romantic world isn’t going well, read this book. High Fidelity was child’s play compared to this.

I Believe the Word I'm Looking For Is "Aaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!"

Congratulations to Kate Lee for the well-deserved publicity. (And also now I can die.)

(My favorite part...well, second favorite - is when they call The Black Table a 'blog.)

Boundaries, Neil. Boundaries.

Courtney Love shacks up with Neil Strauss.

("I'm gonna have a heart attack and DIE of Not-Surprise!")

*

It's Friday, I'm In Love

*My friend Stephanie has a website now called Drinking Stiff ("Stiff" is one of her nicknames, along with my special nickname for her, "Private Dancer") There's a funny thing up there called the "Parent's Worst Nightmare Interview Series". First in the series is "Kid Out Of Wedlock vs. Gay"

*I found this really old really funny article from ReadyMade Magazine: "How To Seem Smarter"

*I'm really excited about the next Little Gray Books Lecture, because it will feature readings by Starlee Kine of This American Life, and Tom Perrotta, who is basically my favorite working fiction writer right now. Ten thousand of his literary babies I want to have.

*There was apparently a very fun party last night at the Slipper Room that I was going to go to, but after happy hour with coworkers I put myself down for "a little nap" at 8:30. Bad idea jeans. I was awakened every five minutes by Sweet Home Alabama (yes, that's what my phone plays, and you thought it would be Bittersweet Symphony, didn't you? didn't you?) as the people I'd talked into going to the party angrily demanded to know where I was. Julie the Coworker called to get directions and in my halfasleepness I said "Stanton and Ostrich. Ostrich. Ostrard. Orch. Orchard. Stanton and Orchard." So this morning I was awake by 6, hence this early-for-me posting.

*Date My Friend #2: Bryan The Hottie, will be coming on Monday, for sure! So hot girls take pictures of yourselves over the weekend in preparation.

Mental Note!

"How do you coax your friends into group sex?

Grab one of the people you want involved - let's say it's a girl. Point to the third party - let's say it's a boy. Say, "Check out that cute guy. Would you fuck him?" If she says yes, say, "Me too. Why don't we totally fuck him together?" Then - and most importantly - say, "Promise you won't be weird about it afterward?" If she promises, you’re all set. Once you've got the girl signed on to the project, roping in the boy should be a piece of cake."

-from my roommate's interview in Nerve's Sex Advice From DJ's.

This reminds me of a conversation I initiated with Sarah a few weeks ago after an interesting night at Misshapes - "Um, Sarah? Can we have a little discussion about which of your guy friends I'm allowed to make out with?" She laughed her ass off and gave me (almost) carte blanche. yay.

Like That Scene In Annie Hall

Ben and Lindsay Eat Lobster

Last night Ben and I went to dinner at Essex. It was Lobster night, and neither one of us had ever had whole lobster, so we decided to go for it. But when we saw the table next to us being served, we started to get nervous.

"Wait, why am I about to eat some SEA INSECT that CRAWLS AROUND on the ocean floor?" Ben said.

"The part of Lindsay Robertson will be played by Ben Chappel tonight" I replied, referring to my status as the World's Most Picky Eater.

Our lobsters came, and the waiter kindly instructed us on what to eat and how to eat it. We were both totally grossed out. Ben kept talking about how "this thing was alive five minutes ago" and invoking the creature's insectuous lineage. I tried really really hard to suppress my disgust and eat the thing, even pretending I was stranded on a deserted island to make the lobster seem not so bad, but it was no use. Ben and I both ended up having side dishes and bread for dinner, and using the lobsters as little action figures (apparently they liked each other). When Ben went to the bathroom, I pocketed my lobster's antennae, planning to break them out later at a bar and say "Oh my god, they FOLLOWED US HERE!" (But I forgot.)

So that was the first and last time I'll attempt to eat whole lobster. Ben and I decided that it was good that we tried it with each other, so this way we don't have to sit across from some epicure someday and pretend to relish "insect meat".

we saw what we got and we said it was good

* Last night's reading was kickass. It was one of the best readings I've ever been to. I was so impressed with all the readers (Eurotrash, I'm on to you. You said you were nervous and then you got up there and ruled like you've been doing this every night for ten years.) Everyone was great, but as a (professional!) comedy fan, I was completely captivated by Jessy Delfino, who needs to have her own half hour special ASAP. As she spoke I was mentally bleeping out the bad words, that's how ready for prime time she is! I read about the first (and last, and final) time I took acid. Good times (the reading, not the acid).

* This is surely fake. (link via Ben) but it reminds me of this book we read in my media studies class in 9th grade, called Subliminal Seduction, which is basically a crock but was a fun read. Our teacher had us go through magazine ads trying to find naked bodies in curls of smoke and ice cubes. Not a bad way to spend fifth period.

Fuck Maneuver X

Andrew Krucoff, if you get coffee with Chris Eigeman, will you please bring me?

Also, check out Krucoff doin' Gawker this week!

(now pleassse?)

I Saw the Photograph...

* My roommate Sarah and Eurotrash and I will be reading tomorrow night about our "Sexual Firsts" at the WYSIWYG Talent Show at P.S. 122 tomorrow (Tuesday) night at 7:30 pm.

*Asobi Seksu's new video, "Walk On the Moon", is up at mtv.com! I know a lot of Asobi Seksu fans read this site, so be sure to go here and request to see them on-air.

The First Meeting of the 3A Book Club Is Now In Session

Adam Brody: So Adorkable! (thanks to Julie the Coworker for the link)

(I'm skewing older these days, but whatever, I wouldn't kick him off third base.)

(Also Let's Make Out.)

Are you in a band and do you want a free video made by Fuse? Enter this contest! (thanks to Connie NYC for the tip.)

Hello, I Am A Quality American Single

"Find out what thousands of conservative singles already know. We are the best!"

(If only there was enough time in the day to f**k with all the heads I want to f**k with.) (sent by Rob Theakston)

Make Uncle Jesse Cry

My friend Ben Brown thought I'd be interested in these Mary Kate and Ashley shirts. I'm currently trying to pretend MK and A don't exist, though, but I'm sure UltraOlsen will be thrilled! , and

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood.

*For those of you working on your Donnie Darko-themed Halloween costumes early, Julie the Coworker discovered an excellent source of Sparkle Motion Wear.

*I've set it up so all my mail is forwarded to my google mail account. Why? Because Google mail is everything they tout it to be. I love it.

*Huge congrats to The Information for making the semifinal round of the The WBCN Rumble, the Boston battle of the bands whose past winners include the Dresden Dolls and 'Til Tuesday. (And past losers include the Pixies!) The Information's next set is Saturday at 9:30 at The Middle East upstairs.

*Shaw(esome) the Coworker says that it would have been funnier if the New York Times had called me "The Hipster Clogger."

*This weekend I talked to my 15 year old brother, who still lives in stifling Tallahassee, Florida with my fundamentalist Christian parents. In the midst of our conversation, he said the most wonderful thing:
"Hey do you like The Postal Service and Death Cab for Cutie? I love them."
So he's somehow miraculously into good music when all around him are losing their heads Durst-and-Creed style (stizz)! I wanted to say "And now you are a Man my son."
I also talked to my 10 year old sister, who is so 10 years old and in love with everything. She's so confident and carefree and herself that it's bittersweet. A ten year old girl is the most enthralling creature on earth, because when you see her you know you're seeing her on the day before the world breaks her heart.

*Last night I went to the MTV Networks Talent Show. I got to hang out with my funny coworkers and with Scott Stereogum, and the drinks were very free, but at the end of the night I realized my wallet had been stolen! That means someone in my company stole it! I'm holding out hope...

It's nice outside.

lazy sunbather

ok, I promise there will be a lot of stuff here tomorrow. This is still a blog, damnit! That is all.

yaysville

My monthly reading series, Ritalin Readings, was mentioned in the New York Times today. (There's a Ritalin Readings Mailing List for notification of upcoming readings.)

ADDENDUM: I just learned from another blog that the online version has a picture of me in it with the caption "The Hipster Blogger Lindsay Robertson at the Ritalin Reading Series (get it?) at Piano's on the Lower East Side." I ran downstairs and grabbed a copy and it's true (and miraculously I actually don't mind the picture.)

(I'm not complaining about the exposure, but from now on when I do press there's going to be a no "H" word clause.)

My Sense of Humor Is Sort of Adolescent, Too

Our office's future intern sent us something he made.

Bless This House and Its Savage Heart

I read the June issue of SPIN on the subway this morning, in which Dave Eggers is obsessed with Joanna Newsom and speculates about what she looks like:

"I have no idea what she looks like, and I'm wishing I never find out. I hope she's not pretty. Aren't we all tired of the most distinctive female voices, like Lisa Germano's or Hope Sandoval's, being attached to beautiful faces, implying that quirkiness is acceptable only if the face emitting the sounds is pleasant to look at, or worse, that only attractive people have the courage to sing? Wouldn't it be nice if a woman could become popular with a face that could melt cheese? If Joanna Newsom knows what's good for her, she should be covered in boils."

Well, hopefully Dave Eggers hasn't discovered blogs, 'cause The Real Janelle, two days ago treated us to Newsom's (pretty) photo, mp3s, and tour dates.

My taste in music is sort of adolescent: I like it excessive, loud, complicated, undelicate, obvious, and Newsom's sweet harp-playing wouldn't normally be my cup of tea, but it's totally heartbreaking and the perfect music for reading on a rainy day. Particularly this song.

Jade Says

Obviously, when it comes to this blog I've been phoning it in lately (in the traditional sense, not in some "now you can update your blog through your phone" sort of way). So I've decided to get a guest blogger. I've chosen one of my friends who doesn't have a blog, but who is so funny and says things that I can't say because I would blush. Her only condition was anonymity. So she chose a pseudonym: "Jade", and a title for her posts: "Jade Says." She hasn't given me the first one yet, so this post is pretty pointless except to announce that, yes, there will be "content" again on this "daily" website. Soon. Also, another Date My Friend is coming if I ever get the time to write the intro.

yay!

Todd Levin in The Onion

I'm Definitely Shaking

I won't do a wrap up of the Friends finale (I'm sure others will take care of that), but I will say one thing:

Chandler said "Death Cab."

So, okay, granted it was part of this sentence "I'm not getting back in that death cab" or something, but I still think it was an allusion to the band that the O.C. is making famous.

Come Armageddon Come

MORRISSEY, Monday May 3 at the Apollo Theater.

*The show opened with music and a voice-over that seemed to be just a list of Things That Are Bad ("aparteid", "Jesse Helms"). It went on about five minutes too long, and I was of course getting antsy, so I started whispering my own ideas for Bad Things to my companion, Conrad, like "herpes" and "long lines at the bank."

*During "There Is A Light That Never Goes Out", he kind of softened his voice on the "To die by your side" line, so that you could hear that the crowd was singing it. This was the best part of the show, by far. But it occurred to me that it would be kind of funny if suddenly the place caught on fire and we really did all die by his side. Not funny ha-ha...

*Most of the people in our section were sitting down. WTF?

*Morrissey's onstage banter bugged me. He kept handing the mic to some idiots in the front row who were talking about politics and Tony Blair and shit, and Morrissey was really cocky. When he first came on stage I thought to myself "There is the man who got me through high school." But after a while it occurred to me: "The man who got me through high school is kind of a...dick." I mean, contrast him with Thom Yorke at a Radiohead show...

*At one point he dropped to his knees, singing, in a spotlight circle, and Conrad turned and said "The Passion of the Moz."

*He was wearing a red shirt that got soaked in sweat, and I said "Look Conrad, he sweats just like a normal person.
(but he breaks just like a little girl.)"

*When he played "Irish Blood English Heart", I made sure to nod and look disinterested, like the hipsters in the video.

*When he played "I Know It's Gonna Happen Someday", I was watching him and wondering when the last time he really felt all the longing and heartbreak he still sings about, or if he's just dead inside. And how tragic that would be, to have to come out every night and sing these songs when you don't even remember how to relate to them. If this is actually true, it would explain the contempt he seems to have for his audience. It's like he's a robot programmed to entertain us with songs about the feelings he thinks we're having.

*All in all, I have to say I was disappointed. Maybe it was all the unfamiliar songs (I've only heard the single), or the far away seats (though I sat in the same row for The Strokes/GBV New Year's Eve show in 2002 and had an ecstatic evening), or all the interviews I've read with Moz lately in which he came off like the Donald Trump of music icons, or the way he seemed less energetic than he should be, but the reason I go to shows is to feel a certain rapturous, tingly, goosebumpy, Sometimes-There's-So-Much-Beauty-In-The-World-That-I-Can't-Stand-It feeling, and I have to say that I only felt that a couple times during this show. And with my long history with Moz, it should have been more.
But, Conrad had a different take on the show entirely, so maybe it's just me.

And When the Sun Comes Out...

(For paranoid reasons, this post will refer somewhat cryptically to the item in question.) So you know how I was saying a couple weeks ago that there's nothing better than TO-GO YOU-KNOW-WHATS from El Sombrero on Ludlow and Stanton? Well, I have some bad news, and some good news: The bad news is, El Sombrero got busted by the cops and can no longer do the to-go mixtures of tequila, ice, lime juice, etc. BUT, my requisite female-LES-resident crush on the Cute San Loco Guy, and its attendant attempts at awkward conversation, have yielded important information: like ant beds and drug dealers, the closedown of the El Sombrero Operation has caused ambulatory 'ritas to pop up somewhere else. A block away, in fact. For seven dollars, one can now procure an extremely strong frozen tequila/lime drink at the Mexican restaurant on the Southeast corner of Stanton and Essex, in a plastic cup with a straw. And all is once again right with the world.

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

*Even though I can't say I'm a fan of the new "nodding hipsters" video, I can say that I will definitely shed some tears of joy at the EFFING MORRISSEY SHOW at the Apollo tonight. Yay.

*The cover of this week's In Touch Weekly features a picture of the Olsen twins with the headline: "Is Mary Kate too thin?" Let me repeat that: "Is Mary Kate too thin?"
Well, now they're both going to be too thin, that's for sure!