(Words I Hate)

So I just started to read this thing that everyone's linking to today, but I had to stop after nine words, because the tenth and eleventh were "making love," and that is my least favorite phrase in the English language. When I was about 9 years old, my best friend Brook and I were filling out contest forms we found in a cereal box, and one of the questions was "Sex: M or F?" After staring at it and giggling for a few minutes, and after some debate, we concluded that "M or F?" meant "Do you call it "making love" or "fucking"?" (Come on, it was our first time encountering this question.) We had no idea why Frosted Flakes needed to know our preferences on this matter, but we wanted the prize so we filled it out and sent it in. The first time I remember really loathing that phrase was in tenth grade biology class. We were watching a film strip about safe sex, and in one scene a nurse was showing a teenage girl how to properly use a condom. "Every time you make love" she said, gently ripping open the foil "You use a new one of these. Each and every time you make love. If you make love more than once, use a new one. Understand?" My friend Trava and I immediately locked alarmed eyes at this development. "Ew" Trava mouthed as I mimed sticking a finger down my throat. When I hear someone use the phrase "making love", I immediately think of three scenarios. First, I think of the first time my Mom sat me down and told me about what mommies and daddies do when they love each other very much. I then think of the original Joy of Sex, with those overly naturalistic drawings of bearded hippies in various positions. Next, I think of an imaginary older French gentleman, breathing on me and cupping my chin in his hands and saying "I vant to make luff to you dahling." None of these images is remotely sexy and frankly, I'm getting literally nauseous as I type this. If I were to enter a contest on the back of a Frosted Flakes form today, I would choose "F", of course, and it would be secretly doubly appropriate. Oh, and I don't like that Bad Company song, either.