Lindsayism.com

I have to interrupt this

I have to interrupt this non-blogging day to say: It's funny 'cause it's sooooooooooo true.

(Working today, no time for

(Working today, no time for love.) But hey, read my friend Lionel's excellent article on Google Journalism, on Media Bistro.

Lindsay-favorite "Major Dick" did a

Lindsay-favorite "Major Dick" did a Gothamist Young Manhattanite Interview. It's funny, though I wish they'd used the picture I have of his hand holding a glass of bourbon instead of the paper bag one, but I understand that could be a security risk.

Did anyone else watch "The

Did anyone else watch "The Littlest Groom" last night? Did anyone else think it was odd that average-stature bachelors get an entire half-season to find their brides, but, apparently, little people are expected to find their mates in just two episodes? Two episodes must equal the amount of time Fox thinks it will take for the novelty to wear off. (They're still overestimating. I lasted ten minutes.) Prediction: the actor playing the Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance in My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance will sign on as a spokesperson for a weight-loss company and lose weight.

Movie Roundup *50 First Dates

Movie Roundup *50 First Dates Fifteen minutes into it, I turned to my companion and said "if you wanna leave, I'm right behind you." But we gave it a little more time, and it got a lot better, until it culminated in the most nonsensically depressing ending of any romantic comedy I've ever seen. Wait until you're home sick and it's on pay per view. *Melvin Goes To Dinner (dvd) Bob Odenkirk's directorial debut isn't perfect, but I loved every second of it, for the most self-indulgent reason: it reminds me of my own life. It's too bad I didn't see this in time, or I would have written about screenwriter/title character Michael Blieden as my unconventional crush. *Touching the Void An absolute must-see. You will never complain about your luxurious, non-challenging life again. Well, at least for an hour or so after the movie ends. This movie led to a nice philosophical conversation about what shallow p***y's we New Yorkers are. I realized that there was a strong chance that if I was freezing to death in a crevasse with a broken leg, my final thoughts wouldn't be "I have to drag myself out of here" but something more like "Now I'm never going to find out where The Simpsons live."

Last night I saw a

Last night I saw a commercial for a country album called "Shock and Y'all". And it was real.

Announcement: Do you like to

Announcement: Do you like to go to readings? Me neither. They're so boring! I can take about 3 minutes of any reading and then time starts to pass so slowly that I get a phantom cigarette craving. So I'm starting a reading series for the ADD generation, called The Ritalin Reading Series (get it?), at Piano's. Each reader will be limited to three minutes. The first one is Tuesday, March 23. Readers TBA.

(Look, comments!)

(Look, comments!)

Lindsay Robertson: Unlikely Internet Predator

Lindsay Robertson: Unlikely Internet Predator When you put your IM username on your website, you get lots of messages from strangers. That's totally fine, and I've actually met some cool people that way. But what happened last night is an example of why it's good to be a little careful at first. Just read: Wierdo----: hello Wierdo----: can i ask u something? lindsayism1: hi.... lindsayism1: sure Wierdo----: okay, on the VH1 Best Week Ever site, your website is listed in Hot Links. How does a person get their website there? lindsayism1: oh lindsayism1: two words: lindsayism1: blow. lindsayism1: jobs. Wierdo----: lol Wierdo----: no really (then we talked about the BWE site for a little bit)...and then: Wierdo----: so do u watch the show? lindsayism1: not yet. I don't have cable. lindsayism1: I haven't gotten a chance yet. Wierdo----: oh. I don't have cable either cuz my parents don't want to "spoil" me...so I go to my Grandmas (I know, HOLY SHIT, right?) lindsayism1: how old are you?????? Wierdo----: 16 lindsayism1: oh my god. did I talk about blow jobs to a KID? lindsayism1: oh, I lindsayism1: , ohoh Wierdo----: lol doesn't matter lindsayism1: I'm sorry lindsayism1: I'm freaking out now. Wierdo----: its okay lindsayism1: I'm one of those internet predators now, aren't I? Wierdo---: lol lindsayism1: You're a guy right? Wierdo----: no, girl lindsayism1: oh. for some reason, that makes me feel much better. lindsayism1: you have heard of blow jobs right? I'm not the first to tell you? I was completely joking about that!!! lindsayism1: (I'm sorry, I'm really freaked out.) Wierdo----: no, I've heard of it before. Wierdo----: its okay lindsayism1: whew! I then went on to freak out some more, apologize some more, tell her not to fall in love until she's at least 20, and we ended the conversation this way: lindsayism1: bye! lindsayism1: "make good choices!" Wierdo----: bye Wierdo----: thats a line from Freaky Friday... lindsayism1: I know, and I knew you'd get it. THE END. We all can learn an important lesson from this: when messaging with a stranger, try to hold off at least five minutes before bringing up fellatio.

Gawker gets hate mail for

Gawker gets hate mail for saying "fag." I want ironic hate mail too, so here goes: Boys go to Mars to get candy bars, Girls go to Jupiter to get more stupider. (Bring it on!)

Breakupservice.com My coupled friends (all

Breakupservice.com My coupled friends (all two of them) should watch out this April Fools Day. (link via Maccers)

How To Create a New

How To Create a New York Post Headline. (New Yorkish)

This cool online art gallery,

This cool online art gallery, Learning To Love You More, gives assignments like "Take a picture of strangers holding hands" or "Recreate a poster you had as a teenager" that anyone can complete and submit. (found via The Curious Blog)

The Low Culture Guys were

The Low Culture Guys were in my dream last night. How dorky is that? Dreaming about websites. I'm shaking my head and rolling my eyes at my subliminal self (at least it was G-rated.)

The Writing Grammys Every year,

The Writing Grammys Every year, recording artists are recognized for the amount of money they made for the major labels, in a ceremony called The Grammys. I thought it was unfair that the world of literature does not seem to have its own reward system for writers who made the most money each year (except, of course, the actual money.) So Monday night, I held the Writing Grammys. Here's the report. (Los Angeles-AP) Feb. 9, 2004 - Dan Brown is going home with the Book of the Year award from this year's Writing Grammys. The star won the final award of the show for his book, The Da Vinci Code, in a ceremony that ran about three and a-half hours. Brown tearfully accepted the award, adding that he hoped our country could hurry up and settle "that whole Iraq thing."

The night's biggest winner was supermegastartimesinfinity J.K. Rowling. She won five, tying a record for most Grammys by a Female Writer. Among Rowling's awards were Best Chapter (5), Best Sentence (pp. 73, "Harry walked..."), and Best Performance by a Female Writer (Towson Center Mall Barnes and Noble, November 17.) Rowling arrived in a cleavage-baring red Versace gown, and joked that she hoped she could manage to cover herself better than Janet Jackson at the Superbowl. As a precautionary measure, CBS, which had a five-minute delay in place for the Grammys, briefly put a graphic onscreen that obscured Rowling's cleavage.

Best Author Arthur Agatston, who is recovering from a stroke and couldn't attend, won two Grammys for his book The South Beach Diet, including Chapter of the Year for "Good Fats, Bad Fats." Agatson appeared in a surprise video message, thanking his fans for their support and reading a selection from The South Beach Diet that led to a tearful standing ovation.

Stephen King, who has long been the Susan Lucci of the Writing Grammys, won the Lifetime Achievement Award. King accepted the award from last year's winner, John Grisham, saying only "I guess I'll take this, thanks for the goodie bags." He then walked offstage.

The Koolgrrrl's Guide To Life.

The Koolgrrrl's Guide To Life. (I'm just seeing it now, but looks like she beat Pollack to the punch!)

Things I Learned From Vanity

Things I Learned From Vanity Fair's Michael Jackson Article, Part One (because I left the mag at home): -Jermaine Jackson has a son named "JERMAGESTY" -Wade Robson, the choreographer Britney Spears reportedly cheated on Justin with, was one of "Michael's Kids" back in 1991. (So, like, maybe he told Britney in pillow talk what the bad man did to him.) -Jackson drinks wine out of soda cans, and calls it "Jesus Juice". (mental note for future theme Xmas parties.)

(I'm working today so, yeah,

(I'm working today so, yeah, not really 'blogging probably) But, my friend Sarah Stodola's site, Me Three, has a Two-part interview with Christopher Hitchens, that begins today.

I think Kate and Bill

I think Kate and Bill are secretly having an affair behind Sara's back. (yes, I just linked to a pop-up ad.)

I'm embarassed to admit this,

I'm embarassed to admit this, but I was watching that show I hate tonight, just to make myself mad, and I noticed that while Carrie was doing her stupid little Doogie-Howser's-diary bookend plot device scene, her hand looked really gross. So thanks to the wonders of DVR and the skill of my friend Ben, I present to you: SJP/Carrie's gross veiny wrinkled hand, which has not been doctored and actually looked worse on screen: This is about as mean-spirited as this site will ever get, Average Joe notwithstanding, but, like, ew. You're a celebrity! Botox that sh*t. (And while I'm admitting that I've tuned in this season, let me say that it's only because I'm hoping Samantha will die.)

Hello, are you in a

Hello, are you in a rock band that is "dancy" and/or "sexy"? My friends at Block Magazine need a last-minute band for a party they're throwing in Williamsburg a week from today. Email evan(at)blockmagazine(dot)com.

Last night's local 11 o'clock

Last night's local 11 o'clock news tease: "At 11, we'll tell you about new breakthroughs in the kidnapping of a Florida girl, the weather report, and some women may be using fake birth control patches. At 11." WHA--H? I imagined couples making out on couches and hearing that little afterthought and deciding just to go to third. (Also, maybe Tompkin's Square Park isn't the best place to fill your prescription.)

My main thought while watching

My main thought while watching The Bachelorette last night: WHO IS OUT THERE SELLING PHARMACEUTICALS IN THIS COUNTRY? Because all the pharmaceutical salesmen are on Reality dating shows! Someone needs to look into this...

Does anyone know anyone who

Does anyone know anyone who makes/edits web films? Because I got an idea last night for a short blending of two separate movie scenes (in a split screen) that would be hilarious. And it wouldn't really take much skill at all. So if anyone's interested, email me at lindsay(at)lindsayism(dot)com.

(I'm FINALLY moving into MY

(I'm FINALLY moving into MY OWN NEW PLACE today, so I'm going to be doing that instead of finding links for the nice people. I'll be back tomorrow.)

Other Voices, Other 'Blogs Like

Other Voices, Other 'Blogs Like most 'Blogger users, I like to check out the "recently updated weblogs" section of 'Blogger from time to time. Today, I found this gem: Hot Abercrombie Chick! Her name is Amanda, she's in college, and despite being a philosophy major, she gets her primary sense of self from the store where she buys her clothing. Also, she's friends with a musician who "just happens to" have the same name as Sebastian Bach. Enjoy.

From a reader, the Guardian

From a reader, the Guardian got kid's reactions to classic rock songs. (re: Smells Like Teen Spirit: "This would definitely win Pop Idol." ha.)

The Black Table has funny

The Black Table has funny chicks writing about the unconventionally hot guys they like. I tried to do this, but then I realized that I don't like any unconventional (famous) guys. What would be the point of that? I like my famous fantasy crushes to be hot-hot. I mean, why would you have a celebrity crush on someone you could actually GET? (I guess I should have just written about Fabrizio and feigned ignorance as to his hottness.)

Follow up: if you whine

Follow up: if you whine enough, people will give you credit for things. (Now, where are those waffles?)

Hey! Not only is there

Hey! Not only is there a new issue of The Plug up, but yours truly has a sad little kissing story in it!

Ultragrrrl will be appearing on

Ultragrrrl will be appearing on "The O'Reilly Factor" (of all shows!) Friday, discussing the Grammy's.

Speaking of Gothamist, their featured

Speaking of Gothamist, their featured personal today will be familiar to any music blog fans out there...(I hope she doesn't find love through them, though, because she's going to be my first female "Date My Friend!")

Gothamist and Andrew Krucoff have

Gothamist and Andrew Krucoff have the first two "Young Manhattanite Interviews" up. Lockhart Steele and Chuck Klosterman. (I did one of these, but I have a feeling it was before they got hot shot writers to sign on.)

Speaking of syrup, these guys

Speaking of syrup, these guys like to trick unsuspecting internet perverts into doing silly things for them on their webcams. They get this latest guy to pour syrup all over his naked chest.

(Ok, now I'm really back)

(Ok, now I'm really back) This weekend a lot of people sent me this link (or the link to The Kicker, linking to this link), of a shirt bearing Claire Danes' image with "Homewrecker" underneath. It seems all I have to do now is suggest something on this site and someone automatically does it. (Someone should make me waffles. With real maple syrup. And deliver them to my door in five minutes...)